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I've done something awful

(52 Posts)
iAmHideous Thu 11-Jul-19 22:38:27

Help. I've done something completely awful. I went out for work drinks. I got drunk. Was having a nice time and a male colleague kissed me fully on the lips with tongues and I momentarily kissed him back and I feel terrible. I'm married with a 13month old and if my dh did this I would kill him. I feel awful. So I tell him? Help- I've never done anything like this before.

gamerchick Thu 11-Jul-19 22:40:54

But what have you done? confused sounds like it was done to you and you were too drunk to react quickly.

Unless you're minimising?

Biancadelrioisback Thu 11-Jul-19 22:41:51

Personally, I would because I would want to know if DH did that.
Probably should keep your distance from colleague too.

Eloisedublin123 Thu 11-Jul-19 22:42:29

Don’t tell him. Move on

Littlechocola Thu 11-Jul-19 22:43:09

What would you want your husband to do?

Twotome Thu 11-Jul-19 22:45:13

I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

hiddeneverythin Thu 11-Jul-19 22:47:48

Can your conscience cope with not telling him? If it can, dont tell him. It's so trivial and not worth ruining your marriage over

Frownette Thu 11-Jul-19 22:48:41

No, forget it. Both you and he did something momentarily silly whilst drunk.

Get some water and get to bed.

You're not awful or horrible.

Marlena1 Thu 11-Jul-19 22:49:56

You were drunk and caught off guard. You didn't really do anything. I think I would let it go.

iAmHideous Thu 11-Jul-19 22:50:19

Tbh if it were DH I wouldn't want to know. I do not fancy this colleague or have a throng for him. It was just an "in the moment" thing. Nothing will come of it. I don't even speak to him normally. Don't have any way of contacting him outside of work etc. don't want to. I'm just annoyed at myself. I'm such a dick.

roothyb Thu 11-Jul-19 22:51:52

Do not tell him. It would ruin things and it's not like you want to follow anything up. I'd deliberately stay clear from work drinks for a while though! 😂

AquaPris Thu 11-Jul-19 22:52:09

Meh, you made a small drunken mistake. If nothing further will happen and your husband would hold it against you then stay schtum. If you really want to tell him then just get it over with xx it's ok love you hardly killed anyone

MiniMum97 Thu 11-Jul-19 22:53:32

I would tell my DH. But we tell each other everything and I am rubbish at keeping secrets! We also trust each other implicitly so would believe each other's explanation of what happened.

RagingWhoreBag Thu 11-Jul-19 22:53:47

It will cause a huge fallout for literally NO benefit, to either you or your DH.

You know that if the same had happened to him you’d rather not know, so don’t unburden yourself only to make him feel shit.

I’m zero tolerance for cheating, and would normally say that even a kiss counts and that you should own up, but it sounds like this was sprung upon you and that it isn’t the result of ongoing flirting/over friendliness between you and the colleague, so let it go, forgive yourself on your H’s behalf, and vow not to get drunk enough that you accidentally end up kissing anyone else in future!

OldAndWornOut Thu 11-Jul-19 22:54:02

Of course, it would be a different story if it was a husband who had done this...

PickYourselfUp Thu 11-Jul-19 22:54:05

As someone on the other side of this - don't tell him to make yourself feel better. It's a dick move. Unless you're pressing charges for assault...

And tell the colleague you'll report him for sexual assault if he comes anywhere near you again. That sounded really rather non consensual. Yuck.

Tolleshunt Thu 11-Jul-19 22:54:26

Why would you tell your DH? What good could it do? Don’t upset things over something so trivial. You didn’t initiate the kiss, you only responded momentarily, presumably you were just caught off guard.

Forget it and move on. Don’t beat yourself up about it. In the grand scheme of things, this is extremely minor.

Ginger1982 Thu 11-Jul-19 22:55:52

Was this in front of other people? Is it likely be brought up or mentioned, even as a joke? Is it likely your DH might come to hear about it?

Soola Thu 11-Jul-19 22:56:30

Lesson learned. You can enjoy yourself in the future without drinking too much and finding yourself unable to react quickly to push someone away from kissing you.

If this was a one off never happened before and it’s scared you into knowing you will not drink that much again then I see no need to tell your husband.

If however it has triggered something in you that is now making you question your loyalty perhaps you do need to recalculate your relationship and decide if he is the one and only one.

AmeriAnn Thu 11-Jul-19 22:57:49

Do not tell him.

iAmHideous Thu 11-Jul-19 22:58:36

Thank you I appreciate the feedback.

I definitely do not have any feelings for colleague. I barely know him. There is no flirtation or anything of that nature. I am so mortified about the entire thing.

Will def avoid in future. I think DH would read something else into this and there's honestly nothing.

EleanorOalike Thu 11-Jul-19 23:03:11

Similar happened to me. It was a huge deal to me at the time and I felt hugely guilty despite it being him who did it. I’d never flirted or led him on.

Neither of us mentioned it to anyone or each other again. It was never repeated and we are now totally normal around each other. It was as you say an “in the moment” thing. We are human and make mistakes. At the time I felt ashamed I’d kissed back instead of slapping him across the face but now I accept it as just one of those things.

It’s now just a total non issue for both of us but at the time was really magnified.

Just learn from the mistake. Don’t tell your OH. It would make it a bigger deal than it is.

Rachelover40 Thu 11-Jul-19 23:05:22

Nobody has died, IamHideous. What you did was a silly, drunken kiss which meant nothing. Put it out of your mind please and move on.

brew

3luckystars Thu 11-Jul-19 23:06:04

Just sober up and give up drinking for a while.
You can tell your husband at a later date that this idiot made a lunge for you and you were mortified.

That's all that happened, he lunged. You haven't done anything?

LaLaLamp Thu 11-Jul-19 23:07:13

We have all done things we regret. Don't beat yourself up about it. You know how you feel, and that's all that matters.

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