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My mother is a fucking bitch. Anyone else's mother one too?

(207 Posts)
Gottalovesummer Mon 10-Jun-19 21:11:18

Too many examples to list here. But she's a narcissist, self centred, rude fucking person and I feel so much better writing it down here.

Judashascomeintosomemoney Mon 10-Jun-19 22:14:05

Well, she was thirty years ago, when I last saw her. Can’t imagine she’d have changed. She certainly was still, twenty odd years ago, when she totally fucked my little brother up too. So, on balance, I’m going with a Yes. Actually that all sounds like she is more important than she is, it’s taken a while but I can honestly say she means nothing to me now.

LadySainsburySeal Mon 10-Jun-19 22:17:06

I haven't seen my mother in 5 years, time before that was 9 years ago and that's too frequent. She doesn't know my address nor my phone number and never will. She's all lovely lovely in front of other people but when she's alone her malicious true character shows.

Gottalovesummer Mon 10-Jun-19 22:18:04

I just don't know what it's like to be able to call my mum for a chat/gossip/giggle/advice

Mine is not interested or supportive in an way in my life (and never has been)/is rude/hangs up the phone on me/is totally self absorbed/I could go on

CrowleysBentley Mon 10-Jun-19 22:20:41

Yep, mines a nasty, manipulative, self-centered bully. My dad is almost as bad. I haven't seen them in years, and I'm glad they're not infecting my life with their bullshit any more, and my kids have not been exposed to it.

MotherOfDragonite Mon 10-Jun-19 22:20:59

My mum isn't a narcissist and she does mean well, but my god she's hard work because she says literally everything that crosses her mind, with no filter.

I wish I could press a button and just make her, even 25% more tactful or able to think before speaking.

TitianaTitsling Mon 10-Jun-19 22:21:23

pepper you do know reading a threads not obligatory? Let people who have had a shite parent vent please without judgypants!

allfurcoatnoknickers Mon 10-Jun-19 22:22:51

I had a baby three days ago, and my mother is already on me about weight loss angry

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Mon 10-Jun-19 22:23:18

I've come to the end of the road with mine, I think. She is moving away (a full day's travel to get there, would cost me approx. £2k to visit for a week) and is telling everyone all about how I'm going to take my entire family to see her several time a year. I'm fucking not! She lives 3 miles away at the moment and can't be bothered to see me more than 4 times a year, so it doesn't seem like a favour I owe her, really. She doesn't want to see us anyway, she just fancies some performance grandparenting for the new neighbours to see and admire.
It's weird to think that you will probably never see your parents again, but it's true for me. But they are choosing to move away, and they are probably right. Their toxic favouritism was bad enough when I was a child, but they are starting with my children now, and I'm not going to let them get away with it. So, for now, I'm going along with the idea that I will visit, and just praying that they don't change their minds.
I've spend nearly five decades trying everything I can think of to make my parents like me and it's only now that I can see that it was all foolishness. They will never like me, every time I make a slave of myself to help them it just increases their contempt for me. I'm done.

BollocksToBrexit Mon 10-Jun-19 22:25:10

I emigrated to get away from mine. I haven't had any contact for years, bar the odd message demanding to know how I dare do this to her and telling me how awful I am.

Gottalovesummer Mon 10-Jun-19 22:26:24

Thank you all for posting and so sad to read similar stories to mine.

I know how much it hurts.

X x to you all

inspiralcarpet Mon 10-Jun-19 22:26:31

Mine's a cunt.

2.5 wonderful years of NC and counting.

cheesemongery Mon 10-Jun-19 22:26:33

I've just gone NC with my dad after 40 years of abuse and put downs. He was always the one I wanted to please the most. I just told him I don't need his negativity in my life. It's very hard and it must be with Mum - I've had my problems with mine and we'll never be best buddies but at least we can get along.

It just clicked that I am NEVER going to make him happy, or proud or anything really - I was just a venting tool to him of all his own failures.

I'm still in limbo at the moment but am hoping it will be a positive in the long term.

puppy23 Mon 10-Jun-19 22:27:48

Mine, NC since I was 16 and it freed me so much.

FancyAPint Mon 10-Jun-19 22:28:44

That is sooooo sad that there are mother's out there like that, what a waste, can't imagine ever being like that with my daughter. My lovely mum sadly died when I was early 20's and it's hard to believe some mother's would waste their opportunity to be friends as adults together. My dad on the other hand, not as bad as some of the descriptions here but.....

Comps83 Mon 10-Jun-19 22:30:52

Yup
Went nc last year
She doesn’t know she’s gonna be a grandmother and I’m not going to tell her.
Pure poison

Ellie56 Mon 10-Jun-19 22:37:16

This is a really sad thread. I'm so sorry so many of you have such dreadful unlovable mothers.

I just don't know what it's like to be able to call my mum for a chat/gossip/giggle/advice

I don't have a daughter and I would really love to be the mum being called on.

BrieAndChilli Mon 10-Jun-19 22:46:15

My mum was an abusive bitch.
When I went to Uni I went NC for a year. Met DH who has a lovely family who convinced me to get back in touch. He soon realised his mistake.
We went travelling abroad and went NC for about 4 years. Got pregnant with DS1 and in my pregnant hormonal state thought my child deserved to know all thier family. So got back in contact.
5 years later I’d had enough and left it to her to make contact. 8 years later I’m still waiting!

Although I’m very happy without her in my life I actually wish she was dead, that way I wouldn’t have to feel guilt for not being in contact, or to get the judging or worse sympathetic looks when people find out we are NC. Or second guess my memory of all the things that happened, maybe I’m remembering it wrong or maybe as a child I didn’t fully understand, nor would o have to feel insanely jealous of my friends that have loving mums who they ring for chats, go round for tea, take care of the kids, and generally support them emotionally.
It sucks and there’s no ideal situation really either way makes you feel shit, at least NC means the kids aren’t exposed to it.
My sister hasn’t managed to go NC and when she meets up with my mum the kids are constantly told off (for being normal kids) and my sister is critisised in front of themcfor her parenting/thier behaviour/whatever else my mum has a problem with.

NicoAndTheNiners Mon 10-Jun-19 22:48:42

Yep.

Mine did actually stab my dad. Was also physically as well as emotionally abusive to me growing up.

Carried on with awful emotional abuse when I was an adult. Stuff like when I told her I was pregnant refused to speak to me for six months and wrote a 7 page letter saying I should get an abortion as I was unmarried and the child would probably be disabled as a punishment and that dp would then leave me.

Haven't spoken to her in six years.

Pugworld Mon 10-Jun-19 22:49:09

Mine was a controlling, critical, judgemental twat. She dropped dead suddenly about ten years ago and it was such a bloody relief when we no longer had to put up with her.

Somuchroom Mon 10-Jun-19 22:53:45

Me. It’s still early days, 4 months NC, painful, but it’s nice to not feel the constant rejection/jealously/pure desperation for her to love me. The things I used to put myself through in the hope she would throw a slither of affection my way. Just couldn’t do it anymore.

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 10-Jun-19 22:55:12

I just don’t know what it’s like to be able to call my mum for a chat/gossip/giggle/advice

I know. I did have a relatively good period with my mother for a while as an adult when my stepfather was alive. He was a good man. She’s behaving a lot better these days, since I had 3 years of therapy and put up boundaries so stopped putting up with the shit. Even been pretty helpful as I’m chronically ill.

user1486131602 Mon 10-Jun-19 22:58:14

My mother was the same: my sister would tell her fuc* off to her face, but she walked on water.
I was the antichrist!

It would be my pleasure to lend an ear if youd like me to, just send me a pm
Hers my solution for the mother problem: The only way to win it is to not be in it! And yes it feels much better to say it out loud!!

Best of luck. Xx

justasking111 Mon 10-Jun-19 23:01:29

The NC is hard at first, the phone calls, letters, abusing you to mutual friends family. But tearing up the letters unread, putting a block on her phone number, have all helped. A letter came the other day funnily enough, OH had a peek and said I can`t read this crap and binned it. Been 10 years now. I feel nothing for her. Bumped into her at the hospital once, she did not recognise me.

IdLikeToKeepItOnPlease Mon 10-Jun-19 23:04:28

I also have a vile mother. Have been NC with her for 5 years now and it has been so peaceful.

There are times when I miss the concept of having a mum, but I don’t miss my actual mum.

I’m 30 weeks pregnant at the minute. Just moved into our first home. This should be a time when a mother and daughter are at their closest. But I’d rather go without than have that particular mother involved. She doesn’t even know I’m pregnant. Doesn’t know where I live and has none of my contact details.

I agree with PPs that it’s sad not having that relationship, but it is sadder to put up with horrific behaviour just because “you only get one mum”.

Exhsuatedmuch Mon 10-Jun-19 23:06:22

Yes my mother is the fucking unforgivable bitch from hell and I feel nothing but hatred for her and all she fucked up in my life. She took years from me and terified me into being on edge non stop always doing as I was told. I was 38 when I finally had enough and cut her and my father off.. She even knew he had abused me as a teen but blamed me.. Trust me the last seven years of my life have been so much better without andi only regret not walking away years before.. Biology has fuck all to do with love as far as I'm concerned as my mother in law is my mother in every way and then some.. Life is short.. Walk away. X

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