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Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

(1000 Posts)
pineapplebryanbrown Mon 10-Jun-19 00:41:42

Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

S1naidSucks Mon 10-Jun-19 00:48:20

Auntie Thigh! You’re back!

I have a deep dark secret to confess. 😳 I use hair conditioner meant for dogs on mine and my youngest’s hair. She has really really curly hair and I had ran out of conditioner so grabbed the dog conditioner. It is the best conditioner I’ve ever used and I’ve spent big money on fancy ones. She gets no white flakes (that’s such a problem with her) and her hair is now falling into soft beautiful ringlets. My hair is in better condition that it’s ever been.

I need new conditioner, but my dilemma is, do I get ‘proper’ conditioner or just get the dog conditioner. I just add, that my youngest doesn’t know what I’m doing. grin

pineapplebryanbrown Mon 10-Jun-19 09:49:50

Sucks what do you mean "back"? This is my 16th advice clinic!

Anyway, re conditioner, are you using Mane and Tail? This is designed to be used by dogs and humans. If not I'm impressed! I've resorted to using the dogs' brush on myself in extremis but never their shampoo and conditioner.

Carry on.

Frownette Mon 10-Jun-19 09:54:07

Advice I have to leave to travel at 1pm for an intensive afternoon. All I want to do is swig alcohol and sit around feeling grumpy and disaffected with the world with my stringy, matted hair. The shower abhors me.

How do I transform into a sparkling, clean, spring of life in 3 hours?

pineapplebryanbrown Mon 10-Jun-19 10:01:27

Frown easy, dry shampoo, wet wipes, eye drops, mouth wash and perfume. Now you can go back to bed.

CarolinePooter Mon 10-Jun-19 11:30:47

Frown don't give them false expectations. You know it makes sense.

Frownette Mon 10-Jun-19 11:41:06

Caroline grin

I'll get in the shower soon. I'm like an obstinate toddler really I don't fancy having to be polite, presentable and clean for an afternoon in a manor house in a town I don't know. I looked at the location map and thought 'why the fuck did you have to be based in a manor house? Why not in a concrete monstrosity like any normal fucker?'

Oooh actually maybe this is is Proj's new home for us, I'd better skip along

BarkandCheese Mon 10-Jun-19 11:48:59

My house is full of hair. I have a hairy dog, a hairy husband and a long haired child. Drains get blocked by the hair, the Hoover gums up with it, I find it everywhere. What can I do?

thislido Mon 10-Jun-19 12:21:07

Bark you have options. The most obvious one is to leave. It would be preferable to somehow get your husband to leave with the child but that might be trickier.

If you insist on staying, have you got a cleaner? Even if you get them to do nothing other than hoover it will help. Otherwise a robot hoover.

For hair in the drains, get one of those strainer things that catches it. Or cut the child's hair off whilst they sleep and tell them it was the hair fairy. Only long hair blocks drains.

DanglyTassles Mon 10-Jun-19 12:24:08

Bark have you though about putting some Nair in a spray bottle and just spraying your entire house. No more hairs, jobs a gooden!

Thigh for the record I both am a hospital psychiatrist and I'm also not one at the same time.

I am schroedinger's hospital psychiatrist.

ProjectGainsborough Mon 10-Jun-19 17:02:06

Shave. Shave everyone. Even people that don’t live in your house. Bonus: this will deter visitors.

Or you could use dog conditioner on the surplus hair and fashion it into a garment?

Frown don’t forget that my Manor House has subsidence. Take a hard hat.

TopiaryTractorTart Mon 10-Jun-19 17:08:58

Shave all hair.
Weave it together.
Make a magic carpet of hair.
Take a trip through the clouds to somewhere lovely.

TopiaryTractorTart Mon 10-Jun-19 17:12:12

Frown cut your matted hair off and do the same, add some pubes if you're not a young person who already cut hem all off.

TopiaryTractorTart Mon 10-Jun-19 17:12:27


Frownette Mon 10-Jun-19 17:15:50

Ooo I looked clean and presentable. Thanks, clinic

DanglyTassles Mon 10-Jun-19 17:29:00

Frown well done!

You always the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.

S1naidSucks Mon 10-Jun-19 17:34:17

Anyway, re conditioner, are you using Mane and Tail? This is designed to be used by dogs and humans.

Goes off to google.

It’s actually Pets at Home own brand conditioner for white dogs. grin I may have one or two thousand white hairs. blush Thankfully there have been no side effects. scratches behind ear with right foot.

Hold on, I need to scratch my ear

DogHairEverywhere Mon 10-Jun-19 18:03:16

I have embraced my house hair, caused by dogs, cat, long haired children, and i have now fashioned a cosy nest in each room that i can curl up in, keep warm and eat snax.

thislido Mon 10-Jun-19 18:47:46

This is the true Thigh way, Dog.

thislido Mon 10-Jun-19 18:48:34

Presumably dog shampoo is intended to be applied by humans, so it can’t be that bad.

ReganSomerset Mon 10-Jun-19 18:53:11

How do i cater for 20 with minimal clean up after and prep before?

pineapplebryanbrown Mon 10-Jun-19 18:53:22

Dark Lord and I are having a great time, he said he'll see you again before you're dead proj and don't forget the will.

He's insisting we have McDonalds for all meals and we're playing a game with knives. He hasn't really explained the rules though hmm

pineapplebryanbrown Mon 10-Jun-19 18:54:19

Regan you have so many problems in such a small post.

behindlocknumbernine Mon 10-Jun-19 18:54:47

I have not heard the word slatterns for years...

They make dog conditioner??
My dogs ony get dog shampoo, and only then when they have rolled in something closely resembling a dead fox...

behindlocknumbernine Mon 10-Jun-19 18:56:46

Dog and human hair wafts freely through this house and clumps together in large hairy friendly clumps.
I have resorted to sticking googly eyes on them and talking to them.

Is this wrong?

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