Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

[DogHairEverywhere]

I'm a filthy, drunken, old slag and I'd like to check in.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Dog you're a filthy, drunken, old slag and I'd advise you to check in.

[AhhhHereItGoes]

It's easier to say what's not wrong with me 😆
May I take a seat?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Goes there's nothing wrong with you, you're simply a reverse improver. Come in and rest.

[Aimily]

I have nothing to add to the conversation, please can I come in to observe?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Oh dear, I'm not enjoying this scorching heat. Thankfully I have my arse uncovered and directed towards the fan.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Aim of course, are you too lazy to speak? That's laudable, one day I'll try it myself.

[Aimily]

@thigh you got me. I've spent the day talking at ddog and bump so am all worded out. I guess that could be classed as a problem?

[AhhhHereItGoes]

I like the sound of improved, sounds so much better than procrastinator.
adds to CV

[Mummy0ftwo12]

may i lurk silently until its time for the end of course practical assassin exam?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

mummy you can do what you like, it's simply not possible to fail here. We never judge.

[DanglyTassles]

Well here you are! I was lost! LOST I say! But then I am in the looney bin.

Breakfast was nice!

[DanglyTassles]

Scrambled egg on toast.

Compliments to the chef! Will he/she be an inmate or a separate caterer?

See I don't even know who's feeding me! I don't care as long as that person isn't me and they mean well.

I'm off to find the room I'd like at Project's house so she can prepare it correctly upon my release!

[DanglyTassles]

Triangle and I would like this room please Proj

No rush, I'm ok in here for now. I wonder what's for lunch?

[MrsElizabethShelby]

I want my lamb dinner but I cannot be arsed to cook it. Noone else here to do it. What do I do? Is knawing on raw lamb and eating spoonfuls of bisto acceptable? Will they take the children from me? Please help!

[DanglyTassles]

Do you think I'll get sticky toffee pudding at any point?

If not should I complain about my care plan?

I'm enjoying it here now that Thigh fixed up a supply of rum through to the toilet! I still would like sticky toffee pudding a few times to make my life work ok.

Who is supposed to be wiping my arse? Surely I cannot be expected to do everything around here!

It's an outrage!! Place would shut down without me here to take care of shit!!

[CarolinePooter]

Happy to find you all!

How's your arse today Thigh ? You know we like a daily update. It's soothing, like The Shipping Forecast.

[DanglyTassles]

Proj something else to consider when doing up my room :

[DanglyTassles]

MissElizabeth for the least exertion I recommend a stint in the looney bin!

I will show you the ropes once here, but first you must get yourself put under a section, that part is your responsibility.

Once is the food is great but I am not sure if we are having sticky toffee pudding!

[DanglyTassles]

*Once here

[DanglyTassles]

Hello CP I was also wondering about the nature of Thigh's arse today.

Cannot wait for the update!

[DanglyTassles]

CP could you ring up my institution and ask if we are having sticky toffee pudding at any point?

[DanglyTassles]

I'll make a list! They need to know what things would make me happier!

[pineapplebryanbrown]

DT your wish is my inspiration. I will throw sticky toffee pudding down the chimbley along with more crack. It's all for you, make sure you shank any other "guests" with a shiv if they get too close to your pudding.

[CarolinePooter]

Elizabeth first, well done on having a normal name.

Of course you deserve a lamb dinner, but it sounds as if you are a bit reluctant to go to any trouble. That's the spirit! We don't like over exertion in Thighland! Can you put the lamb in the freezer and go out for a pub lunch? Can you burn your kitchen down and roast the lamb in the embers? Only if you hate your kitchen and are well insured, of course.

If all else fails, have yourself sectioned like dangly She is getting free board and fine cuisine just for being a bit over tired and showing off her stripper skillz.