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Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

(1000 Posts)
pineapplebryanbrown Sat 25-May-19 22:42:32

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

DogHairEverywhere Sat 25-May-19 23:16:27

I'm a filthy, drunken, old slag and I'd like to check in.

pineapplebryanbrown Sat 25-May-19 23:21:29

Dog you're a filthy, drunken, old slag and I'd advise you to check in.

AhhhHereItGoes Sat 25-May-19 23:22:05

It's easier to say what's not wrong with me 😆
May I take a seat?

pineapplebryanbrown Sat 25-May-19 23:50:05

Goes there's nothing wrong with you, you're simply a reverse improver. Come in and rest.

Aimily Sat 25-May-19 23:51:14

I have nothing to add to the conversation, please can I come in to observe?

pineapplebryanbrown Sat 25-May-19 23:51:39

Oh dear, I'm not enjoying this scorching heat. Thankfully I have my arse uncovered and directed towards the fan.

pineapplebryanbrown Sat 25-May-19 23:53:06

Aim of course, are you too lazy to speak? That's laudable, one day I'll try it myself.

Aimily Sun 26-May-19 00:01:34

@thigh you got me. I've spent the day talking at ddog and bump so am all worded out. I guess that could be classed as a problem?

AhhhHereItGoes Sun 26-May-19 00:13:32

I like the sound of improved, sounds so much better than procrastinator.
adds to CV

Mummy0ftwo12 Sun 26-May-19 00:29:15

may i lurk silently until its time for the end of course practical assassin exam?

pineapplebryanbrown Sun 26-May-19 00:32:22

mummy you can do what you like, it's simply not possible to fail here. We never judge.

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 08:38:44

Well here you are! I was lost! LOST I say! But then I am in the looney bin.

Breakfast was nice!

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 08:41:34

Scrambled egg on toast.

Compliments to the chef! Will he/she be an inmate or a separate caterer?

See I don't even know who's feeding me! I don't care as long as that person isn't me and they mean well.

I'm off to find the room I'd like at Project's house so she can prepare it correctly upon my release!

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 08:46:01

Triangle and I would like this room please Proj

No rush, I'm ok in here for now. I wonder what's for lunch?

MrsElizabethShelby Sun 26-May-19 08:51:10

I want my lamb dinner but I cannot be arsed to cook it. Noone else here to do it. What do I do? Is knawing on raw lamb and eating spoonfuls of bisto acceptable? Will they take the children from me? Please help!

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 08:51:42

Do you think I'll get sticky toffee pudding at any point?

If not should I complain about my care plan?

I'm enjoying it here now that Thigh fixed up a supply of rum through to the toilet! I still would like sticky toffee pudding a few times to make my life work ok.

Who is supposed to be wiping my arse? Surely I cannot be expected to do everything around here! hmm

It's an outrage!! Place would shut down without me here to take care of shit!!

CarolinePooter Sun 26-May-19 08:53:44

Happy to find you all!

How's your arse today Thigh ? You know we like a daily update. It's soothing, like The Shipping Forecast.

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 08:55:00

Proj something else to consider when doing up my room :

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 08:58:32

MissElizabeth for the least exertion I recommend a stint in the looney bin!

I will show you the ropes once here, but first you must get yourself put under a section, that part is your responsibility.

Once is the food is great but I am not sure if we are having sticky toffee pudding!

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 08:58:50

*Once here

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 09:00:03

Hello CP I was also wondering about the nature of Thigh's arse today.

Cannot wait for the update!

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 09:01:11

CP could you ring up my institution and ask if we are having sticky toffee pudding at any point?

DanglyTassles Sun 26-May-19 09:02:27

I'll make a list! They need to know what things would make me happier!

pineapplebryanbrown Sun 26-May-19 09:03:27

DT your wish is my inspiration. I will throw sticky toffee pudding down the chimbley along with more crack. It's all for you, make sure you shank any other "guests" with a shiv if they get too close to your pudding.

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