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Do you have problems? I can solve everything.

(1000 Posts)
pineapplebryanbrown Sun 07-Apr-19 17:31:48

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I can help with anything, please step inside my lovely advice clinic where my team of kindly Agony Aunts will cure you forever.

CarolinePooter Sun 07-Apr-19 18:31:36

Thigh ! (sobs with joy!)

Gettingnowhere Sun 07-Apr-19 18:34:14

I have a problem. My BFF said she missed me. So I asked her to prove it by writing me a poem. She hasn't written one. Is she really even my friend?

catisbeingsick Sun 07-Apr-19 18:35:34

I like sitting on the beach and drinking wine but it's cold

iklboo Sun 07-Apr-19 18:37:32

I've only got enough tonic for one gin. I suppose I could pour a half pint of gin & top up though.

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire Sun 07-Apr-19 18:40:27


Gettingnowhere Sun 07-Apr-19 18:43:17

Hi Iklboo. Nice to see you. Now, do you actually have a problem for us to solve? I assume you have enough gin for more than one gin?

DanglyTassles Sun 07-Apr-19 18:43:35

I am in love with a sexy fruit 🍍

But it's turned out to be me old mucker Getting all along!

ProjectGainsborough Sun 07-Apr-19 18:43:41

catis alcohol keeps you warm. Take your wine to the beach and start drinking. At some point you may feel warm enough to take all of your clothes off. If you do, please report back on how it went.

Gettingnowhere Sun 07-Apr-19 18:44:05

Cat the more wine you drink, the less cold both the beach and your wine will appear

Gettingnowhere Sun 07-Apr-19 18:44:37

Snap Project but yours was better

DanglyTassles Sun 07-Apr-19 18:45:48

Iklboo a pint of wodka/Winka is your friend! winegin

Gettingnowhere Sun 07-Apr-19 18:45:57

Hi Realhousewife. Do you have a problem we can solve?

Gettingnowhere Sun 07-Apr-19 18:46:46

How many times do I have to explain it Dangly? I AM NOT A PINEAPPLE!

catisbeingsick Sun 07-Apr-19 18:46:53

Thank you, I am so happy now and am packing my basket of wine and crisps for the beach

Lacypants Sun 07-Apr-19 18:48:35

Hello, I fancy a bloke I met through a friend. He has a very nice beard. What should I do about my crush?

DanglyTassles Sun 07-Apr-19 18:50:37

Lacy you should shag him at the first opportunity! If he doesn't want to, simply grow a beard and then shag yourself!

MaudAndOtherPoems Sun 07-Apr-19 18:55:52

I live in a state of cognitive dissonance because in my head I'm young and gorgeous and yet a frazzled middle-aged woman looks back at me from the mirror. Can you please advise?

HappybutsometimesGrouchy Sun 07-Apr-19 18:56:09

I'm just back from out to lunch. I'm hungry again. Dh is ordering a takeaway and asking if I want anything. My mind is hissing at me to stop being a fattie boom boom. My stomach is begging me for Salted Chilli chicken with chips...

Gettingnowhere Sun 07-Apr-19 18:57:36

Maud are you Thigh's twin sister?

Gettingnowhere Sun 07-Apr-19 19:00:46

Happy you can join the rest of us Fattie Boom Booms in Thighland. You've just reminded me that I've forgotten to list our rules

Rule 1. Lie down
Rule 2. No guests
Rule 3. Nobody is too fat or too thin (get the chilli chicken deep fried)
Rule 4. Nobody gets told off

iklboo Sun 07-Apr-19 19:01:37

@Gettingnowhere - hello, nice to see you too. Yes, I can see now there is no actual problem on the gin front. You've been most reassuring! Thank you.

Jackshouse Sun 07-Apr-19 19:02:37

I need to tidy up my house but can’t be bothered to get off the sofa.

iklboo Sun 07-Apr-19 19:04:34

Got one!

I wanted to go and get comfy upstairs (with the gin) but DH wants to get his snake out. It needs supervision while he defrosts a mouse and in the only one here.

iklboo Sun 07-Apr-19 19:04:56

I'm the only one here

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