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Things You Never Thought You'd Say Until You Had Kids [Edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

91 replies

WitheringEyeRoll · 17/03/2019 10:47

Today's:

Do not poke me in the face with a chopstick

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WitheringEyeRoll · 17/03/2019 10:48

FFS Things, not Thinks bloody phone!!!!

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Florencenotflo · 17/03/2019 10:52

Why is there poo on the floor!!!!

Potty training is going well 🙈

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Thecomfortador · 17/03/2019 11:03

Get your bum out of his face, please.

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DonnaDarko · 17/03/2019 11:05

Can't think of specifics, but DP and I have at least one chat about DS's bowel movements every other day 😂

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WitheringEyeRoll · 17/03/2019 11:38

And now "We Do Not Throw Water in the Living Room". Confused

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MorelloKisses · 17/03/2019 11:39

Don’t lick the bus

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HalfBloodPrincess · 17/03/2019 11:39

Cheese strings do not go up noses.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 17/03/2019 11:41

Stop eating that mouse.

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boatyardblues · 17/03/2019 11:42

I don’t want your privates in my face! You are too old to be walking around naked.

(Me sitting on the half landing stairs as DS aged 11 ‘streaked’ past - bollocks at my face height - to get his pyjamas from his room.)

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WitheringEyeRoll · 17/03/2019 11:44

Also "No you can't just wee in the garden" (toilet is 10ft away)

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ipswichwitch · 17/03/2019 11:44

“Don’t clean your willy with your toothbrush” , followed 5 min later with...
“Don’t clean your brothers willy with your toothbrush either!”

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KipperTheFrog · 17/03/2019 11:45

We don’t lick the dog
No, the dog does not want your half chewed cucumber.
Please don’t sit on my neck

There are more, these are just today...

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WitheringEyeRoll · 17/03/2019 11:46

In Fairness Kipper, out dog def would want it Grin

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WitheringEyeRoll · 17/03/2019 11:47

Our not out. I am not winning at this today.

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WitheringEyeRoll · 17/03/2019 12:02

Also

Yes you can have cakefor breakfast, it's the weekend

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RunSweatLaughAndLatte · 17/03/2019 12:49

Hold it properly otherwise you will lose your marbles!
(Meant literally as he was holding a bucket with marbles in it)

Don’t touch your widge then put your hand in my face!!

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KipperTheFrog · 17/03/2019 12:52

withering our dog doesn’t do veg, he does eat anything else! He had the part chewed apple...

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Spaghettio · 17/03/2019 13:02

No Gangnam Styling at the table.

Everyone must wear pants at the table.

Don't eat the sofa.

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hilbil21 · 17/03/2019 13:03

Do not put your sausage in your slipper!

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claracluck78 · 17/03/2019 13:27

Take the red nose off your willy

To 5year old DS

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redredrobins · 17/03/2019 14:10

the poo is blue! result of 1 year old eating a crayon.

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LokiLocks · 17/03/2019 14:14

Do not put jellybeans up your bum.

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CigarsofthePharoahs · 17/03/2019 14:25

Did you just lick that telegraph pole?

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Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 17/03/2019 15:42

Stop trying to hit your sister with your penis

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BringOnTheScience · 17/03/2019 15:49

No swords in the kitchen!

Why is there a buffalo in the fridge?

Chocolate sauce on pasta for dinner? No!

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