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When you're not what people expect

(4 Posts)
curtainpole12 Thu 21-Feb-19 23:51:19

What it says on the tin really.
Outwardly im bubbly Loud funny soo confident but on the inside I'm not like that at all.
But I put on such a good show that on the odd occasion I say to someone "no, I can't do that I'm incredibly shy" or "no I'm not confident enough to do that" I get the response of " of course you are etc, you can't possibly feel that way"

They just don't seem to GET that actually I'm not like that inside, I can see why, I wouldn't think that about me neither but sometimes I just want people to see that I'm not this outgoing confident strong woman who doesn't worry about anything at all.
I'm full of insecurity's and things because of many reasons.
Because people feel I'm so full of Confidence I never get built up in the way that I and many friends do for others, I often find myself saying "your an amazing gorgeous woman you can do anything, go for it" to others. Yet..no one ever gives me that bolstering powerful advice.
what do I do??

PeanuttyButter Thu 21-Feb-19 23:53:06

Public extrovert and private introvert here.. I make sure I always have a safe place to retreat to with people who really know who I am. That way the uncomfortable stuff is just a small part of my day XX

AtrociousCircumstance Thu 21-Feb-19 23:58:49

I think this is sometimes the trait of a codependent/hyper-vigilant person, who learnt as a child that one way to get any kind of attention or affection was to support others, cheer them up, and be resolutely OK and no worry to anyone.

(Not that I’m projecting or anything....hmmwink)

So you end up hiding all your insecurities, blustering and braving through, trying to build yourself up, bolstering others with compliments but not hearing it back...in this way we attract friends who are more likely to take and less likely to give.

All you can do is to start work on yourself. Try to free yourself from your emotional patterns. Unpick your childhood, maybe with therapy.

ToastyFingers Fri 22-Feb-19 00:01:49

Because people feel I'm so full of Confidence I never get built up in the way that I and many friends do for others, I often find myself saying "your an amazing gorgeous woman you can do anything, go for it" to others. Yet..no one ever gives me that bolstering powerful advice.

I'd never thought about it like this, but actually, this rings true for me.

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