Didn't want to put this on AIBU as a tad sensitive right now, although prepared to accept that I AM being a bit over sensitive.
DP works in the entertainment sector (behind the scenes). This means he's away a lot. I'm used to it and proud of what he does although it's not always easy saying goodbye for what is sometimes 10 weeks at a time (although this is usually about once a year - most of the time away is a week here, two weeks there, but it adds up to a fair amount - for some periods he's away far more than he's at home..and with me working we can be ships that pass in then night when he is at home... as he does have 'at home' work too and we both work anti social hours; having said that we do make quality time for each other when we can and we do also have at least one long stretch a year where he's home for months)
The man he works for has a wife the same age as me. Last time I saw her she asked me what I did work wise. I told her and asked what she did and she said she's never worked in her life and doesn't intend to start now - looked at me pointedly and said 'of course I can't work now, if I did, I'd never see him, I wouldn't have a marriage would I, so I have no choice'...(they've been married a few years.) Knowing full well that I'm about to see DP off again for several long intervals (he's away right now with them and she's there) and that I can't join him (ie other side of the world)
For the record, I wouldn't want her lifestyle (it's not glam anyway..half the time she chooses not to go away with her partner, or joins him for short intervals as in her words, she gets bored...). I choose to work. We couldn't afford for me to long term be off work, but even if we could, I wouldn't choose that (I did have a few months off last year between jobs and did join him on some travels, which was great, but I'm someone that has always worked and don't want big gaps on my CV, also the time I was at home for I got v bored. But that doesn't make it easy spending so much time apart. We make it work, I need to be here for my job and the pets and our home. It's not ideal but we just get on with it. His work pays well and mine does not right now but I'm trying to start a new career. At times I'm a bit sad and lonely but work helps me keep busy so most of the time I'm fine, summer is good, winter not so (a bit reclusive due to where we live)
I thought I was doing ok until she made that comment.
I read this back and it seems like I'm justifying a lot to myself. I'm trying to make the best of things (when he's away in winter it's particularly tough..I'm totally alone and we live v rural) and it did feel like she was making a bit of a dig (not for the first time either) I wonder if she's trying to make a point of, well they can afford for her to join her DP (if I wasn't working , I wouldn't be able to join mine much if at all, not just money but practical reasons eg DP has different accommodation and travel to her DP for a start which would make it impossible for me to tag along)
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Merely tactless? Or trying to rub my face in it a bit?
49 replies
alltoomuchrightnow · 21/02/2019 03:19
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