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Newborn cries when not held

(62 Posts)
BrassHorses Wed 23-Jan-19 23:25:22

I have a newborn just 5 days old. He cries when put down so I am already exhausted. I've tried the buggy, next to me cot, our bed... one to two minutes after someone putting him down he is screaming and distressed. I'm not getting any sleep at all. I have a sling for during the day which I haven't managed to try yet but at the moment I am not able to do anything except hold and carry him around.

Please help, how can I get some sleep? Would a sleepyhead work?

BreevandercampLGJ Sat 26-Jan-19 09:31:23

DS was a decent sleeper fairly early on, but I still remember the morning after he slept through.

I was on fire, I tidied out the bathroom cabinets (shoot me now, how anal) grin

Anyhoo, point being...........I turned to DH and said I have no idea where that energy came from.

He replied, and it is one of those clearer than clear moments in your life that you remember for ever... You can do anything on a good nights sleep.

It will get better.

Much love.

MrsJayy Fri 25-Jan-19 15:33:43

Aww did you was your midwife supportive remember you will be getting a rush of hormomes now I don't know if they are still called baby blues or something else but you might be all over the place for a week or 2. 3 hours sleep is great bet it felt like 30☺

BrassHorses Fri 25-Jan-19 15:23:44

Just checking in to say I appreciate all the replies, suggestions and support. I got 3 hours sleep last night, DH's turn to do the majority tonight. I just cried at the midwife.

honeybee88 Thu 24-Jan-19 18:47:23

You need to swaddle your baby to mke baby snug so baby feels safe and cocooned like baby was in your tummy. I have 5! All happy. Everything is a passing phase....

Lndnmummy Thu 24-Jan-19 18:17:30

OP this stage is so hard. With my first ds it nearly broke me and it took me 6 years to have another. This time around I just tried to accept it but still it’s so hard. What saved me second time was a sleepyhead as well as a mamaruga sling. It’s basically like a wrap so soft but it has buckles so easy peasy to fit. Do you have a sling library near you! It sounds utterly exhausting to go to one I know but maybe in a couple of
Weeks.
This is against guidelines but neither of mine could settle on their backs (reflux babies). So they slept on the side. Be kind to yourself and do shifts with your partner, even when he works. My gp said that you need a block a night of 3-4 hours. Once I started to do that I felt better. I’d sleep 8-12 and then take over from dh. In the day just do what you need to do to get through. I spent the entire summer on the sofa. In the same spot. Have hundreds of selfies in the exact same position. My dh would set me up in the morning with a flask of tea/coffee. Fruit/water/cereal bars, phone charger etc. And I’d just sit there all day. Another thing I learnt with my second was that it’s ok to put the baby somewhere safe ie Moses basket and go to the loo or make a cup of tea. Really it’s ok!
You will come out the other side.

littlemisscomper Thu 24-Jan-19 14:53:21

As a nanny, I swear by swaddlesuits:

www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Dream-Swaddle-Original-Small/dp/B0081GJ038/ref=sr_1_2?s=baby&keywords=swaddle+suit&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1548340814&sr=1-2

and the Sleepyhead.

As a previous poster mentioned ask at your local childcare college if there are any second year or recently qualified students who might like to help a couple of hours here and there in exchange for gaining experience and a reference (and it would be nice if you could slip them the odd tenner too!).

AnnieM18 Thu 24-Jan-19 14:28:11

Like others have said, I found swaddling a life saver. I bought The Miracle Blanket from Amazon and my baby loved it and slept soundly in it! No other swaddle blanket worked for us. I also used white noise which he found really soothing. I hope you get some rest soon! Nothing lasts forever so just keep repeating This Too Shall pass!

BiscuitsMcSnugglepuff Thu 24-Jan-19 14:05:58

Congrats on the progress! Just a word of warning... I found Ewan utterly useless with little one because he cuts out after 20 mins and has to be turned on again which tends to wake babies up... certainly did with my very troublesome sleeper (they like things to be the same when they wake up as when they went to sleep)

Just have a quick look at “myhummy” (look on actual website rather than amazon as some are older models on there). They have 5 sounds and can either be set to go for an hour and reactivite if baby makes a noise or just go for 12 hours solid. We still use it for my 16 month old as he loves it and it blocks out other noises grin

IJustLostTheGame Thu 24-Jan-19 12:57:48

I did the same thing with the dream sheep!
Dd loved it but it didn't make her sleep 😤
What did help from about 3 months though was this ladybird thing from Amazon that was also a star projector. She liked to lie in the dark and look at the stars. She also like smiling at the ladybird.
It was safe to leave in her cot with her. It did get her happier being in her cot. And it did help her go to sleep happily months later.

I've been to the point where you're that desperate you just start throwing money at the problem.
Its hell.

gamerwidow Thu 24-Jan-19 10:23:28

Great stuff and seriously don’t worry about the midwife seeing the mess she’s there to support you not judge

BrassHorses Thu 24-Jan-19 10:20:41

He managed 30 minutes then woke up distressed- progress and I managed to have a wee!

MrsJayy Thu 24-Jan-19 10:13:35

Bless you it will feel like madness for a while but you will all settle into it go have a cup of tea or something .

BrassHorses Thu 24-Jan-19 10:05:37

Oh my god I tried the hot water bottle thing if warming the basket first and he's been asleep in the bassinet of his pram for 16 minutes and counting.... this is a record, don't want to jinx it...

I have a swaddle tried to use it and he was irate screaming as I was wrapping him
up but I will try this again.

I've also bought (panic bought on amazon) Ewan the Dream Sheep which I think creates white noise to mimic the womb. Should have that tomorrow.

I'm now anxiously standing over him flinching at every movement and checking the stopwatch (yes I'm timing this!) on my phone. Going to use this time to try and tie my sling on.

Nothisispatrick Thu 24-Jan-19 10:02:48

Plus, there have been no deaths linked to the sleepyhead.

Nothisispatrick Thu 24-Jan-19 10:00:56

LivingInPoppyLand

Neither is co sleeping. If you want to tollow guidelines to the letter the only safe place for your baby to sleep is in a seperate, empty cot with a firm mattress in the same room as you. However in reality that will not work for many babies, so people do what they can to survive. The risks of having an exhausted parent who may crash the car, fall asleep on sofa, leave baby somewhere they could fall etc is far far more dangerous than the risk of SIDS which is 0.something %.

What does baby sleep in OP? A grosnug is like a newborn sleeping bag that swaddles them and is much much easier to use than a traditional swaddle and safer than a blanket which could come loose.

kenandbarbie Thu 24-Jan-19 09:48:00

Safe co sleeping is what worked for me.

BertrandRussell Thu 24-Jan-19 09:46:05

“I sleep flat with him on me. When I say doze I mean I get half an hour here and there. He's safer sleeping like that than co sleeping in the bed with my husband there.”

Whoever has the baby should also have the bed. If you don’t have a spare bed, get a comfortable inflatable and make it up in the evening so the non babying parent can get decent sleep. But never doze on the sofa with the baby.

QueenAnneBoleyn Thu 24-Jan-19 09:39:04

Have a look online at babocush cushions. We used one for DD and it was great.

IJustLostTheGame Thu 24-Jan-19 09:34:45

I swaddled dd in one of her blankets. You basically turn them into a little fajita.
I used a moby wrap, barricaded myself upright on the sofa with the cushions and slept upright for a few weeks. I know you're not supposed to sleep on the sofa but I was so dangerously tired and hallucinating with it. I wasn't safe awake at all.

This isn't permanent. Even though it feels like forever at the time.

MrsJayy Thu 24-Jan-19 09:28:51

I just googled swaddles they are an actual thing but it looks easy to do basically you are burritoing your baby smile so bottom bit up and cross over once you do it once you will get the hang of it.

AnotherOriginalUsername Thu 24-Jan-19 09:27:44

AnotherOriginalUsername it's hard but don't doze on the sofa holding him. You can co-sleep safely in a bed without pillows or duvet near the baby

I sleep flat with him on me. When I say doze I mean I get half an hour here and there. He's safer sleeping like that than co sleeping in the bed with my husband there.

nikkidoll Thu 24-Jan-19 09:13:51

Swaddle 100%%%%

blueskiesandforests Thu 24-Jan-19 08:58:05

AnotherOriginalUsername it's hard but don't doze on the sofa holding him. You can co-sleep safely in a bed without pillows or duvet near the baby.

The lullaby trust website states that

"Never sleep on a sofa or in an armchair with your baby

Sleeping on a sofa or in an armchair with your baby is one of the most high-risk situations for them.

Studies have found that sharing a sofa or armchair with a baby whilst you both sleep is associated with an extremely high risk of SIDS. One study found that approximately one-sixth of infants in England and Wales who died of SIDS were found sleeping with an adult on a sofa."

Its really not a good idea to doze on the sofa with a baby, tempting though it is and hard though staying awake is. I used to read aloud to stay awake (my books, not baby books!). If you need to sleep with the baby you and the baby have the bed and your DH takes the sofa.

MrsJayy Thu 24-Jan-19 08:50:32

Is your swaddle and actual thing? I just used a shawl with mine anyway google how to use it it might help him feel cosier, good luck your mw won't care about the mess

Asteria36 Thu 24-Jan-19 08:43:37

This bit is tough, but it will pass! My ds wouldn't let me put him down for the first few months - I slept propped up with him sleeping on my chest (my gargantuan tits kept him in place!) and carried him in a wrap sling throughout the day.
Co-sleeping is literally the only way to survive nights if you have a fretful baby. I did it for way too long years, but after the initial 4th trimester clinginess he was the most chilled baby ever.
The best thing you can do is whatever feels natural to you, if it feels like a fight then don't do it.

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