Newborn cries when not held

[BrassHorses]

I have a newborn just 5 days old. He cries when put down so I am already exhausted. I've tried the buggy, next to me cot, our bed... one to two minutes after someone putting him down he is screaming and distressed. I'm not getting any sleep at all. I have a sling for during the day which I haven't managed to try yet but at the moment I am not able to do anything except hold and carry him around.

Please help, how can I get some sleep? Would a sleepyhead work?

[FusionChefGeoff]

You nerd to do shifts with another adult holding baby so you can sleep. Can baby's father help?

[BreevandercampLGJ]

Poor wee lamb.

Five days ago, he was safely cocooned your womb, it must be such shock to them. :-(

I used to swaddle, loosely. Not sure what the current thinking is.

I also used to take my tshirt off and put it in the cot next to him, so my scent (for the want of a better word) was close by.

[happydays1983]

Sleepy head is the best thing ever. My girl is 5 months old and still sleeps in it as she feels secure. I highly recommend them 😀

[Cel982]

Congratulations on your new little one. Tiny babies just want to be held, it's completely normal but exhausting. Are you breastfeeding? If you are, you could follow the Safe Sleeo guidelines and try co-sleeping - it was the only way I got any rest when mine were that age.

Is your partner around? Or any family? Could they hold the baby for a couple of hours while you nap? It will get better, and soon, but right now it must feel like you've been thrown in the deep end.

[CornGirl123]

My baby (and all my friends’ babies) was exactly like this. For the first 2 weeks he would only sleep on my chest. We broke all the sleep safety rules just to get some rest ourselves and survive those first few weeks! But after a couple of weeks they start to improve and you find the things that they like/don’t like when it comes to sleep. It will be over soon and will all be a horrible (yet also lovely) memory. I’m sure you’re doing a great job x

[gamerchick]

Well to be fair to him. He's been held constantly until recently. All the newness of hungries/thirsties. Cold/hot, bright lights and sounds. Stuff going on in the shorts area/wind etc. I wouldn't want to be put down either.

Google the forth trimester and accept all help so you can get some sleep.

[BreevandercampLGJ]

Oh and let the house go to pot, when he sleeps, you sleep, the nights won't seem so daunting that way.

[TwoDrifters]

You have my utter sympathies. I’m sat here currently with my 8-week-old who is exactly the same. I’m waiting until 00:30 when my DH (having been asleep in the next room since 22:00) will take over until 03:00 and on we will continue until morning.

We are both averaging 4-5 hours sleep a night at the moment. It’s horrid but I keep telling myself it will get better as the little one gets older. In the meantime, I shall high five you in solidarity

[BreevandercampLGJ]

No sign of the OP, hope she is asleep.

[riotlady]

It’s so hard OP, but it does get better! My daughter was like this for the first few weeks and my partner and I slept in 2-3 hour shifts. We just kept occasionally popping her down for a few minutes and eventually she got used to it and started to sleep a bit in her Moses basket. All the advice we got about warming it with a hot water bottle, using my t shirt as w sheet, made no difference, she just needed a bit of time to adjust to being in the outside world.

[GingerbreadBlob]

A swaddle might help.

Their patterns and likes and dislikes do change a lot from now to 3 months old. Hopefully, he'll be going long stretches (maybe a good way through the night) by then.

[caringcarer]

New babies often feel insecure. Swaddling may help. Put something you have sweated on in moses basket. Have you tried one of the heartbeat tapes to play to baby whenever they are put down to sleep. Also make sure their is no light in room they are sleeping in. When baby sleeps you sleep too. You will feel better soon. Everyone feels exhausted after having a new baby. Make sure your iron is not low and get plenty of vitamin C.

[todayiwin]

Welcome to the newborn it's normal xx

Get the sling out

[FogCutter]

My DS1 was like this, don't worry it doesn't last forever!

I gave into it and had him in a sling, sitting on me and co-sleeping just to stop the crying. It was so much easier to deal with this way!

[Twolittlebears]

My first was like this. Do you have a DP who you can take turns with (& anyone who comes round holds baby while you sleep). We did two hour shifts for the first two weeks alternating. Then my mil came for five days and she joined in and it was heaven. It got better after that. for you op this is a hard time.

[Endofrelationship]

DS was like this to until he could sit up. Literally couldn't be put down without screaming (0-60, no pre-cry whimper). He hated the carseat, we didn't use the pram at all, playmat, bouncer, all unused.

He slept in the nook of my arm- if he was on the mattress, the sleepyhead etc he'd just scream. He'd occasionally go in the sleepyhead for 20minutes.

Check out safe cosleeping and hold him all night. It was the only way for us.

[blueskiesandforests]

That's pretty normal. Some newborns sleep all the time and people who had one of those think it's normal, but some want to be held all the time and that's normal too - after all they were inside your body all their lives and being outside takes adjusting to - being cuddled against your heart is the closest thing to being in the womb!

Have you got a partner or supportive and useful family or friends? You need someone else to hold the baby while you sleep...

[Anewoneforme]

2 of mine were like this and slept on my chest for the first few weeks, then constant sling in the day - just couldn't sit down! seriously I used to walk miles in the day with them in the sling.
Middle one was happy sleeping next to me but had to be touching.

[TulipsInbloom1]

Have you tried swaddling him?

[gamerwidow]

Oh love these early days are so hard. There’s nothing unusual here though everything is ok with your baby. Do you have someone who would hold the baby for an hour or so while you have a nap. Any partner, family or friends local?

[feelingverylazytoday]

I swaddled all my babies and put them in the crib or rocking chair, with a dummy. Rocking helped a lot, also white noise. I found the sound of the tumble dryer was the best at soothing them (still makes me sleepy, lol).

[PeaQiwiComHequo]

This is entirely, 100% normal.

Human babies are all essentially "premature" - compared with other mammals and adjusting for size and metabolism etc our pregnancies ought to be much longer - eg remember lots of animals can walk immediately from less than a day old.

The reason for this is our big brains - we have such enormous heads to keep all that cleverness in that babies have to be born after only 9 months in order to have better chances of a safe birth.

People often call the newborn stage the "fourth trimester" - ie the baby's needs are very similar to what they were during pregnancy.

Reach out to your friends and family. I guarantee there are people you know who (as I would be) are aching for a chance to cuddle a newborn and would jump at the chance to help. if you don't ask you won't get as their default assumption will be not to interfere or intrude.

There are lots of different slings. for a newborn a wrap sling or kangaroo pouch style is best. what you need is for someone to come each morning just after you baby has had some milk, and let them pop on a sling and carry the baby around as they potter about, while you get some sleep. if you can just get 3 hours sleep like that each morning, you can probably get through the rest of the day.

this stage will not last forever.

do you live anywhere near a college where basic childcare qualifications, nursery nursing or similar vocational things are offered? in some places you can get a student to come and help out for free as part of their studies, as they are learning about newborns.

[BinksyB]

I had this too. I love cuddling but it all got a bit much. I used a hot water bottle to warm where I was going to put him down. Left it for a few minutes and then removed it before putting him down. It worked a treat for us. Others have loved sleepyheads for the same reason.

[BrassHorses]

Hi everyone- thank you for all the responses I really appreciate them. I read the first couple to DH and he ended up taking her until 7am and stayed up all night with her. He tried to put her down but she wouldn't go down without being held at all. He's going to sleep now, I'm going to get a sleepyhead today (amazon prime) and see if that makes a difference at all, otherwise we will have to do shifts. He was meant to be having a work meeting today which he's cancelled. I'll let you know how we get on tonight.

Out of desperation a couple of nights ago we did try co sleeping which worked but nothing did last night! He's now asleep on my chest and the place is a total mess, I have a swaddle I don't know how to use, are they easy enough to do by yourself?

Midwife coming at some point the flat is a disaster and I have no clean clothes just pyjamas. Off to sterilise some bottles then google the fourth trimester.

[TulipsInbloom1]

Which swaddle do you have? Lay it out, lay baby onto it with arms at their side. Usually one side wrap over one arm and chest then tucks between the other arm and their side and goes under their back. The other side by the loose arm then gets wrapped all the way across and round the back. Once swaddled, hold them sort of loosely across your arms so it's the swaddle that they can feel rather than the swaddle and your hug and do quite loud shhhhh noises. Once asleep lay them down in the swaddle whilst still doing the loud shhhhh noises. If they seem a tad unsettled lay a hand on their chest and carry on shhhhhh noises. Eventually stop the shhhhh.