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Newborn cries when not held

(62 Posts)
BrassHorses Wed 23-Jan-19 23:25:22

I have a newborn just 5 days old. He cries when put down so I am already exhausted. I've tried the buggy, next to me cot, our bed... one to two minutes after someone putting him down he is screaming and distressed. I'm not getting any sleep at all. I have a sling for during the day which I haven't managed to try yet but at the moment I am not able to do anything except hold and carry him around.

Please help, how can I get some sleep? Would a sleepyhead work?

TulipsInbloom1 Thu 24-Jan-19 07:44:05

Which swaddle do you have? Lay it out, lay baby onto it with arms at their side. Usually one side wrap over one arm and chest then tucks between the other arm and their side and goes under their back. The other side by the loose arm then gets wrapped all the way across and round the back. Once swaddled, hold them sort of loosely across your arms so it's the swaddle that they can feel rather than the swaddle and your hug and do quite loud shhhhh noises. Once asleep lay them down in the swaddle whilst still doing the loud shhhhh noises. If they seem a tad unsettled lay a hand on their chest and carry on shhhhhh noises. Eventually stop the shhhhh.

LivingInPoppyLand Thu 24-Jan-19 07:44:19

Sleepy heads and other sleep positioners are not recommended by the safer sleeping guidelines.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/are-sleep-positioners-safe-for-babies/

TulipsInbloom1 Thu 24-Jan-19 07:45:35

The sleepy head is not a sleep positioner. It has been approved as safe for overnight sleeping.

LivingInPoppyLand Thu 24-Jan-19 07:46:38

This is a useful website

www.basisonline.org.uk/how-babies-sleep

LivingInPoppyLand Thu 24-Jan-19 07:49:23

The sleep head is still not recommended by the lullaby trust.

FusionChefGeoff Thu 24-Jan-19 08:03:24

Abandon everything, I mean everything apart from sleep and looking after your gorgeous baby. If you mentally accept that the flat will be a dump, you can wear PJs all day and you will eat takeaway / ready meals for a month then everything else is a bonus.

Eventually, this will pass and normal will start to resurface but for now just give in! Shifts are the way forward plus accept as much help from anyone else as possible. Have a list of 'to do' on the fridge and if anyone comes to visit, jokingly say it's a cuddle in exchange for something on the list grin

The sling is worth the hassle - what kind is it? There will be loads of tutorials on YouTube but it is basically exactly what your baby needs right now so do give it a go as soon as you can.

FusionChefGeoff Thu 24-Jan-19 08:04:44

Oh and get a white noise machine or app for phone / iPad

Kdubs1981 Thu 24-Jan-19 08:05:27

Link to fourth trimester

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2012/11/04/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-baby-is-only-happy-in-your-arms/amp/

So normal (doesn't make it easy!). Start using a sling in the day straight away, it will change your life! I used a stretchy one to start with, then a connector. If you're not confident on how to tie it (I wasn't) I'd recommend going to a local sling library for tips/advice.

Good luck. Accept any help. Husband needs to help (sounds like he's up for that, so great). Good luck. I promise it gets easier!

themoomoo Thu 24-Jan-19 08:05:42

yep, that's what they do!! Should get better after a couple of months. look after yourself, it's really hard

AnotherOriginalUsername Thu 24-Jan-19 08:16:42

Firstly, the midwife won't care that you're in your pyjamas and the house is a mess. This shows you're looking after baby's needs first!

My husband and I also do shifts. Our baby just will not stay asleep when he's put down. Baby is 8 weeks old this week and it's getting easier, he's getting into more of a routine and is starting to miss a feed at night so is sleeping through from about 11-5am.

He's been sleeping on us most of the time, I'm starting to be able to put him down for an hour or so during the day now. We're getting a next to me crib this week, in the hope that that may help the sleep situation.

My husband will not sleep with him, he's paranoid about squishing him. I am quite happy to sleep with him on me so my husband has been having him 8pm-1am so I can get a couple of hours relatively undisturbed sleep (I'm an awful sleeper, takes me hours to drop off and I wake every time he cries), then I take over and doze on the sofa with him until morning.

In addition to the 4th trimester, have a read around physical contact and the benefits to baby's physical and mental development. It's what's kept us sane for the last 8 weeks!

Congratulations on the new arrival, it gets easier and is so worth it. Mine likes to crack out his new smiles just when I'm getting close to breaking point, the cunning little sod grin

MaverickSnoopy Thu 24-Jan-19 08:30:17

You need the 5S's - saved my life with DD2 who was exactly the same https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies

I feel your pain. It will get better in time.

Stompythedinosaur Thu 24-Jan-19 08:31:50

This is tough but totally normal. Sleep in shifts and/or co-sleep. It will be better. White noise might help too.

Asteria36 Thu 24-Jan-19 08:43:37

This bit is tough, but it will pass! My ds wouldn't let me put him down for the first few months - I slept propped up with him sleeping on my chest (my gargantuan tits kept him in place!) and carried him in a wrap sling throughout the day.
Co-sleeping is literally the only way to survive nights if you have a fretful baby. I did it for way too long years, but after the initial 4th trimester clinginess he was the most chilled baby ever.
The best thing you can do is whatever feels natural to you, if it feels like a fight then don't do it.

MrsJayy Thu 24-Jan-19 08:50:32

Is your swaddle and actual thing? I just used a shawl with mine anyway google how to use it it might help him feel cosier, good luck your mw won't care about the mess

blueskiesandforests Thu 24-Jan-19 08:58:05

AnotherOriginalUsername it's hard but don't doze on the sofa holding him. You can co-sleep safely in a bed without pillows or duvet near the baby.

The lullaby trust website states that

"Never sleep on a sofa or in an armchair with your baby

Sleeping on a sofa or in an armchair with your baby is one of the most high-risk situations for them.

Studies have found that sharing a sofa or armchair with a baby whilst you both sleep is associated with an extremely high risk of SIDS. One study found that approximately one-sixth of infants in England and Wales who died of SIDS were found sleeping with an adult on a sofa."

Its really not a good idea to doze on the sofa with a baby, tempting though it is and hard though staying awake is. I used to read aloud to stay awake (my books, not baby books!). If you need to sleep with the baby you and the baby have the bed and your DH takes the sofa.

nikkidoll Thu 24-Jan-19 09:13:51

Swaddle 100%%%%

AnotherOriginalUsername Thu 24-Jan-19 09:27:44

AnotherOriginalUsername it's hard but don't doze on the sofa holding him. You can co-sleep safely in a bed without pillows or duvet near the baby

I sleep flat with him on me. When I say doze I mean I get half an hour here and there. He's safer sleeping like that than co sleeping in the bed with my husband there.

MrsJayy Thu 24-Jan-19 09:28:51

I just googled swaddles they are an actual thing but it looks easy to do basically you are burritoing your baby smile so bottom bit up and cross over once you do it once you will get the hang of it.

IJustLostTheGame Thu 24-Jan-19 09:34:45

I swaddled dd in one of her blankets. You basically turn them into a little fajita.
I used a moby wrap, barricaded myself upright on the sofa with the cushions and slept upright for a few weeks. I know you're not supposed to sleep on the sofa but I was so dangerously tired and hallucinating with it. I wasn't safe awake at all.

This isn't permanent. Even though it feels like forever at the time.

QueenAnneBoleyn Thu 24-Jan-19 09:39:04

Have a look online at babocush cushions. We used one for DD and it was great.

BertrandRussell Thu 24-Jan-19 09:46:05

“I sleep flat with him on me. When I say doze I mean I get half an hour here and there. He's safer sleeping like that than co sleeping in the bed with my husband there.”

Whoever has the baby should also have the bed. If you don’t have a spare bed, get a comfortable inflatable and make it up in the evening so the non babying parent can get decent sleep. But never doze on the sofa with the baby.

kenandbarbie Thu 24-Jan-19 09:48:00

Safe co sleeping is what worked for me.

Nothisispatrick Thu 24-Jan-19 10:00:56

LivingInPoppyLand

Neither is co sleeping. If you want to tollow guidelines to the letter the only safe place for your baby to sleep is in a seperate, empty cot with a firm mattress in the same room as you. However in reality that will not work for many babies, so people do what they can to survive. The risks of having an exhausted parent who may crash the car, fall asleep on sofa, leave baby somewhere they could fall etc is far far more dangerous than the risk of SIDS which is 0.something %.

What does baby sleep in OP? A grosnug is like a newborn sleeping bag that swaddles them and is much much easier to use than a traditional swaddle and safer than a blanket which could come loose.

Nothisispatrick Thu 24-Jan-19 10:02:48

Plus, there have been no deaths linked to the sleepyhead.

BrassHorses Thu 24-Jan-19 10:05:37

Oh my god I tried the hot water bottle thing if warming the basket first and he's been asleep in the bassinet of his pram for 16 minutes and counting.... this is a record, don't want to jinx it...

I have a swaddle tried to use it and he was irate screaming as I was wrapping him
up but I will try this again.

I've also bought (panic bought on amazon) Ewan the Dream Sheep which I think creates white noise to mimic the womb. Should have that tomorrow.

I'm now anxiously standing over him flinching at every movement and checking the stopwatch (yes I'm timing this!) on my phone. Going to use this time to try and tie my sling on.

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