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Babyshower Bore - AIBU?

(11 Posts)
CauliWoes Wed 23-Jan-19 18:00:22

Back story: So, I’ve found myself pregnant and alone. The father left when I told him I was pregnant and keeping the baby.
A couple of my friends have been amazing and a real support at this time and secretly planned a baby shower for me. Not really my thing, but I appreciated the thought.
Friend 1 got drunk and blurted that she wishes she’d never arranged it, as the whole things turning into a nightmare. She doesn’t really know any of the other friends invited and seems to really dislike any ideas except the ones she wants to do.
I told friend 2 this had happened and I was worried that something that was meant to make me happy was making her so upset.
Friend 2 set up a group chat for the 3 of us so that we could work something out that meant the shower could go ahead and friend 1 was happy. This backfired and friend 1 accused me of trying to make everything about her, when it’s meant to be about me and the baby.
AIBU to ask why she’s reacting this way? Did I do something wrong? I honestly don’t know how to make all of this go away, and for things to go back to how they were.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 23-Jan-19 18:52:20

What were they proposing to do? (I hate a baby shower, my husband insisted on one but it was just a bbq at our house with all our friends and no games no sash etc.)
But in this scenario doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong

CauliWoes Thu 24-Jan-19 08:38:29

I feel like they’re a bit grabby!
They wanted to either host it at someone’s house or in a cafe or tea rooms. I think nearly 20 people ended up being invited (I definitely don’t have that many “close” friends) so the cafe idea wouldn’t really work.
I’ve said to my other friend now, I definitely don’t want anything as the whole thing has been a bit of a mess and I can’t believe I’ve fallen out with friend 1 over it.
I’ve tried to apologise but she wouldn’t even reply to me.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 24-Jan-19 09:34:03

You havent done anything wrong- if you want a little get together at your house before your baby comes then do- dont feel now you cant celebrate.

CinnamonToaster Thu 24-Jan-19 09:44:22

How about a message to the group saying baby shower's off. However if anyone's still free I'm going out lunch at Pizza Express/ nice local pub that day and I'd love it if you could come. This is not a baby shower, please don't bring a present or feel obliged. It's just lunch out and a catch-up if anyone fancies it. Obviously run it past Friend1 and Friend2 first.

cheesenpickles Thu 24-Jan-19 09:46:58

If it makes you feel any better a similar thing happened with my baby shower. I didn't want one but it was planned and then ended up with my sister turning into a show all about her and her being the main attraction. My best friend and I had already arranged for her to come visit the week beforehand and she said she wasn't coming. My sister had a full scale meltdown and it ended up with my dh ringing her and other friends who had got in a bit of a ruck and shouting them all down.

It was horrible and they all still aren't talking to each other now. Considering it felt like I got the blame and I didn't even want/plan/decide any of it, it still pisses me off years later.

CauliWoes Thu 24-Jan-19 09:55:14

@cinnamontoaster that’s kind of what we tried to do in the chat between friend 1, friend 2 and me. Basically saying if the 3 of us agreed on something then, that’s what we’d do and whoever could make it could come. Friend 1 suggested another mutual friends house (which is in another town) but I said yes if that’s what she’d prefer as she has the furthest to travel and I’d bring anyone from my town who couldn’t drive. This seemed to make her angrier and she simply replied “Lol” to my last message. I ended up leaving the group chat.
I’m not really sure what I did wrong?

CauliWoes Thu 24-Jan-19 09:59:34

Oh my goodness @cheesenpickles that’s how I feel! It’s turned into a huge dramatic affair! We’re adults ffs
flowersfor your tainted “celebration” too

CauliWoes Thu 24-Jan-19 10:02:00

@onlyfools I’m just having tea and cakes with friend 2 and my sisters at my house now. I want to celebrate new baby, but not with a massive group of aquaintences and a missing space where friend 1 would have been...

CinnamonToaster Thu 24-Jan-19 10:15:52

Unfortunately I don't think any of us will be able to unpick where Friend1 is coming from... Maybe she has had some bad news herself or is cross about something else and taking it out on you. You may never find out. But fingers crossed you'll be able to get past it when she has calmed down a bit. At risk of sounding like a doormat, if she has been fab to you lately it is probably the time to be a good friend to her and give her the benefit of the doubt. And yes, I know you'd rather not be dealing with the drama, but these things happen.

CauliWoes Thu 24-Jan-19 10:43:24

I think the only thing I can do is leave it now as anything else would just make things worse.
She has got a lot on her plate, but unfortunately it’s nothing I can really change for her apart from listening when she’s having a bad day. We normally speak everyday so it’s been hard not talking

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