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Things i swore I'd never do before having a child...

(39 Posts)
00100001 Thu 17-Jan-19 12:39:59

... and then life laughed in my face and mocked me

EXPECTATION - baby stage
I would not be that parent who takes an hour to get out of the house with the baby. After all, how hard can it be....

get ready,.... Nappy change.... perfect, no he's hungry.... let's go! Baby vomit.... change... crying for unknown reasons... have lost the keys ... find them in changing bag... etc

EXPECTATION - toddler and up stage
I promised i would never shout at my darling precious baby boy. I would remove myself from that situation,calm down and try again. No need to raise my voice or get stern...
I lost my shit many times - and have go the "MUM MEANS BUSINESS" voice down to a tee.

EXPECTATION - teenage years
Their bedroom will be clean and tidy sanctuary from modern life
A shit hole with clothes FUCKING EVERYWHERE

care to share?

CmdrIvanova Thu 17-Jan-19 12:46:45

I thought I would never have the DC in my bed, maybe unless they were ill hmm

I thought I would be really chill about leaving them, would get a babysitter and rock on out without a backwards glance from no age. Er nope.

user1493413286 Thu 17-Jan-19 12:48:36

I wouldn’t become someone who doesn’t go out after 7pm because of baby’s bedtime (unless I have a babysitter)

DonaldDucksTowel Thu 17-Jan-19 12:55:12

Oh god all the things -
No dummies
No screen time unless it was educational and I was watching it with them and talking to them about it
I’d do all the messy crafts and baking every week
They’d only eat organic homemade food
I’d never shout at them

Basically before I had kids I’d be Mary Poppins, now I have 4 of the fuckers I’m more Marge Simpson

Arseabout Thu 17-Jan-19 12:57:04

EXPECTATION. I won't use sweets as a bribery for good behaviour.


Mainlining haribo

mummmy2017 Thu 17-Jan-19 12:59:48

Never shout, or make them do housework, I mean treated like a slave as a teenager,,, or so I thought.
Mine do far less than I did and moan like I am cutting their arms off...
It just flows over my head, I don't do it and just look at them in shock and ask what did the tidy fairy not come today.
You can only guilt me if I am guilt.....

EmmaJR1 Thu 17-Jan-19 13:00:41

@DonaldDucksTowel 👏🏻

I genuinely just snorted hot tea! Fantastic and just the sort of cheer up I needed today!

My 2 are doing my head in!

EmmaJR1 Thu 17-Jan-19 13:04:14

I wouldn't stop wearing make up and having regular cut/colours manicures because how long does it take really and me time is important...,

CmdrIvanova Thu 17-Jan-19 13:05:05

My 4yo whinged about tidying up her duplo yesterday. She said "tidying is BORING." She didn't know what to say when I agreed that tidying is totally boring (hence why she is tidying her own toys not me).

Justanothernamechange2 Thu 17-Jan-19 13:07:02

That id never use the TV to occupy them - limit it dramatically.
Peppa pig has babysat for me a few times while i get shit done.

Seline Thu 17-Jan-19 13:12:19

That I'd be fine with people holding my babies and babysitters. In reality I want everyone to stay away from them lol.

That I would never about. I didn't think about a massive toddler trying to leapfrog over you every time you bent down when I said that. wink

blaaake Thu 17-Jan-19 13:15:45

I always thought I'd smack my children if they were naughty, but the thought of it appeals me now and I could never do it!

Papergirl1968 Thu 17-Jan-19 13:17:51

I said I'd never have a Baby on Board sign. Couldn't see the point.
DGC is due soon and I have bought...a Baby on Board sign.
In my defence it is a horse one from Boots, and DD is very into horses...

FishCanFly Thu 17-Jan-19 13:22:08

won't ever drive one of those fugly minivans

CalamityJane10 Thu 17-Jan-19 13:24:22

That I would be back at work six months after having DS.

Six years later and I still can’t leave PFB.

thegrassisgreenifyouusefilters Thu 17-Jan-19 14:57:01

@EmmaJR1 hot tea ? Do you really have children wink?

lumpsofitroundtheback Thu 17-Jan-19 14:59:43

Buy Barbie dolls.

Go to the pantomime.

00100001 Thu 17-Jan-19 15:17:38

oh my SIL said "no plastic tat"
now we go round hers and it's like a shrine to the god of plastic tat

Magpiefeather Thu 17-Jan-19 15:30:49

Said I’d never go to a soft play place

10 mins TV a day

They’d never sleep in our bed

I thought I’d never be one of those women whose main identity was X’s mum.

Ha ha ha ha haaaa

Life has a sarcastic sense of humour!

mouthkisses Thu 17-Jan-19 15:33:50

Presume right of way while pushing a pram.

Be cautious with other people's ankles while pushing a pram.


EmmaJR1 Thu 17-Jan-19 15:33:58

@thegrassisgreenifyouusefilters 😂😂😂
One was strapped in the high chair eating crisps the other one was occupied with the dogs tail. I was taking advantage!

Annasgirl Thu 17-Jan-19 15:38:03

I would never let my DC eat in my car.

I would never drive a minivan/people carrier.

I do both.

I still hate both.

Alanamackree Thu 17-Jan-19 15:43:39

I’d never use the word no
I would be calm, firm but gentle and never resort to raising my voice
My children would eat organic, nutritious, home cooked food and never, ever cross the threshold of a MacDonalds.

@DonaldDucksTowel I looked down my nose at Mary Poppins and now I make the mother from Malcolm in the Middle look calm

April2020mom Thu 17-Jan-19 16:48:42

Said I would definitely avoid the hospital. My son can’t stay away from the hospital. We have had a lot of medical appointments and therapy sessions as well since I gave birth to them. Additionally I am currently looking at a wheelchair accessible vehicle. On the way to one appointment last summer I had to quickly have something to eat beforehand. I’m also the forgetful parent who forgets to ask important questions and cancel appointments.

DuffBeer Thu 17-Jan-19 16:58:14

Oh all kinds of crap.

That they would only watch Attenborough

That my child would never kick off in public because I just wouldn't allow it

My child would fit in with my lifestyle

Meal times would never be an issue. If they didn't eat, they could go to bed hungry

I'm sure there are more, but it's all so laughable and utterly ridiculous.

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