Do teenage boy moles dry hump my carrots?

[Mysterian]

I'm partly trying to get the best ever thread title, but have you ever wondered what happens to the veg you eat when it's in the ground?
I was eating a jacket potato and thought about all the worms that must have wormed over it when it was underground. And then I thought about a mole whose tunnel might have the bottoms of a few carrots dangling from the ceiling and wondered what might they might do. Maybe a mole has an itchy bum and wants to rub it against something?

Do mole bum germs come off veg when they wash it?

Anybody else thought about this issue?

How will Brexit affect it?

[FlibbertyGiblets]

[5SleepingLions]

[Hotterthanahotthing]

Moles would eat the bottom of your carrots or just tunnelsothe carrots don't grow.Also judging from the amount of tunnels a mole can dig they are in general more likely to come across a female mole more often than a carrot.

[SinisterClownWatchingYou]

Best title evah!

[TheFaerieQueene]

Yes, that is why some carrots have babies attached. It is the result of mole sex 🤣

[Mysterian]

Boy moles and girl moles hate each other until a very short time in the spring. (Actual fact!) So surely the boy moles will be seeking stress relief on root vegetables the rest of the year?

And what about the other things that live in the ground? Badgers? Slugs? Or nature's perverts: rabbits? Sure they'll eat the carrots, but what about my onions?

[Mysterian]

Thank you Faerie for photographic evidence of mole vegetable molestation.

[OneStepMoreFun]

moleestation? You're on form @Mysterian

[Drogosnextwife]

😭 OP I will never touch a vegetable again! I have a very irrational fear of worms and slugs and that thought has honestly never crossed my mind! (Why have I never thought of this!)

[1forAll74]

I don't like the fact,that slugs and snails slime all over my cabbages and lettuce, they maybe could have a version of an STD infection in their slime,and pass it on to someone.

[Ohgoon]

Nil points

[Mysterian]

And above ground? All those ladybirds having sex on my plums?

[BlancheM]

No.

[MorningsEleven]

Moles don't dry hump. You've got spunky spuds.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Yes, that is why some carrots have babies attached. It is the result of mole sex

Au contraire - your carrots are MOONING the moles, Faeriequeen

[StealthPolarBear]

I love this thread. Though I wil ll never eat a carrot without peeling it again

[StealthPolarBear]

And having seen that picture from fairie, will never wear leggings again!

[Soubriquet]

I had to check to make sure this wasn’t a post by HoneyDragon

[User10fuckingmillion]

Why not girl moles though?

[Tinty]

And above ground? All those ladybirds having sex on my plums?

Are you a man? Do you sit in the garden with your plums out? It is a bit cold this time of year and I don't think there are many ladybirds around, also if they shrivel up the ladybirds may think they are prunes.

[FurryDogMother]

Make sure you buy Irish carrots. There are no moles in Ireland (truth!).

[CountFosco]

YABU to think you could ever beat HoneyDragon when it comes to the best thread title ever.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

I expect the snakes ate them Furry

[Tinty]

SchadenfreudePersonified



You beat me to it.

[Iamdanish]

Loove your thread title 😂
Think they eat all roots post dry-humping 😁 Dhs look out 😏