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Do teenage boy moles dry hump my carrots?

(30 Posts)
Mysterian Wed 16-Jan-19 09:35:05

I'm partly trying to get the best ever thread title, but have you ever wondered what happens to the veg you eat when it's in the ground?
I was eating a jacket potato and thought about all the worms that must have wormed over it when it was underground. And then I thought about a mole whose tunnel might have the bottoms of a few carrots dangling from the ceiling and wondered what might they might do. Maybe a mole has an itchy bum and wants to rub it against something?

Do mole bum germs come off veg when they wash it?

Anybody else thought about this issue?

How will Brexit affect it?

FlibbertyGiblets Wed 16-Jan-19 09:47:17

grin

5SleepingLions Wed 16-Jan-19 10:07:48

grin

Hotterthanahotthing Wed 16-Jan-19 10:13:47

Moles would eat the bottom of your carrots or just tunnelsothe carrots don't grow.Also judging from the amount of tunnels a mole can dig they are in general more likely to come across a female mole more often than a carrot.

SinisterClownWatchingYou Wed 16-Jan-19 10:14:19

Best title evah!

TheFaerieQueene Wed 16-Jan-19 10:16:46

Yes, that is why some carrots have babies attached. It is the result of mole sex 🤣

Mysterian Wed 16-Jan-19 10:22:05

Boy moles and girl moles hate each other until a very short time in the spring. (Actual fact!) So surely the boy moles will be seeking stress relief on root vegetables the rest of the year?

And what about the other things that live in the ground? Badgers? Slugs? Or nature's perverts: rabbits? Sure they'll eat the carrots, but what about my onions?

Mysterian Wed 16-Jan-19 10:23:53

Thank you Faerie for photographic evidence of mole vegetable molestation.

OneStepMoreFun Wed 16-Jan-19 13:56:11

moleestation? You're on form @Mysterian

Drogosnextwife Wed 16-Jan-19 14:00:41

😭 OP I will never touch a vegetable again! I have a very irrational fear of worms and slugs and that thought has honestly never crossed my mind! (Why have I never thought of this!)

1forAll74 Wed 16-Jan-19 14:20:35

I don't like the fact,that slugs and snails slime all over my cabbages and lettuce, they maybe could have a version of an STD infection in their slime,and pass it on to someone.

Ohgoon Wed 16-Jan-19 18:53:38

Nil points

Mysterian Wed 16-Jan-19 19:07:54

And above ground? All those ladybirds having sex on my plums?

BlancheM Wed 16-Jan-19 19:09:20

No.

MorningsEleven Wed 16-Jan-19 19:23:28

Moles don't dry hump. You've got spunky spuds.

SchadenfreudePersonified Thu 17-Jan-19 14:05:12

Yes, that is why some carrots have babies attached. It is the result of mole sex

Au contraire - your carrots are MOONING the moles, Faeriequeen

StealthPolarBear Thu 17-Jan-19 14:32:55

I love this thread. Though I wil ll never eat a carrot without peeling it again

StealthPolarBear Thu 17-Jan-19 14:33:45

And having seen that picture from fairie, will never wear leggings again!

Soubriquet Thu 17-Jan-19 14:35:20

I had to check to make sure this wasn’t a post by HoneyDragon grin

User10fuckingmillion Thu 17-Jan-19 14:37:42

Why not girl moles though? confused

Tinty Thu 17-Jan-19 14:42:23

And above ground? All those ladybirds having sex on my plums?

Are you a man? Do you sit in the garden with your plums out? It is a bit cold this time of year and I don't think there are many ladybirds around, also if they shrivel up the ladybirds may think they are prunes. grin

FurryDogMother Thu 17-Jan-19 14:43:53

Make sure you buy Irish carrots. There are no moles in Ireland (truth!).

CountFosco Thu 17-Jan-19 14:46:36

YABU to think you could ever beat HoneyDragon when it comes to the best thread title ever.

SchadenfreudePersonified Thu 17-Jan-19 14:46:59

I expect the snakes ate them Furry

Tinty Thu 17-Jan-19 15:00:54

SchadenfreudePersonified

grin

You beat me to it.

Iamdanish Thu 17-Jan-19 15:02:27

Loove your thread title 😂
Think they eat all roots post dry-humping 😁 Dhs look out 😏

bsc Thu 17-Jan-19 15:05:42

There are no moles in Ireland? Wow! Every day is a school day on MN!

bsc Thu 17-Jan-19 15:06:18

Must be why it's the emerald isle- no lawns get dug-up!

lumpsofitroundtheback Thu 17-Jan-19 15:06:18

And there was me thinking of doing a vegetarian meal for dinner tonight.

SchadenfreudePersonified Thu 17-Jan-19 15:12:33

Hardly vegetarian if it's full of mole sperms, lumps.

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