What to do with unwanted gifts 🎁

[EyebagsOnLegs]

Over the years my dad has very kindly bought me and my sisters a variety of designer shoes and handbags. He finds good deals on eBay and thinks of us which is very sweet and I’m incredibly grateful for the thought.

They’re ducking hideous, all of them. Plus not only do I not go anywhere that would necessitate heels and a nice handbag, I’m actually disabled and couldn’t wear them if I did want to. He knows this.

They’re taking up so much room from being banished to the loft, wardrobe, under the bed etc. OH says if I don’t want them I should bin or donate them but that seems unfair. What would you do?

Adding that I love him dearly and I’m his carer, this could stem from when my mum unfairly took us from him in our teens

[Heismyopendoor]

eBay them and buy something you would actually like.

[Bloodybridget]

Sell them on eBay or give them to charity. Why would that be unfair? What's the point of keeping things you don't want and can't use? Have you told your dad not to buy you any more shoes and handbags? Terrible waste of his money!

[sollyfromsurrey]

Bless. That's so funny I snorted. eBay them. He won't ever see you wearing them anyway so eBay then and get something you wAnt.

[CMOTDibbler]

Ebay or donate them. My dad is a great buyer of Stuff, and I take it with great joy, and then dispose of it quietly

[Ragwort]

Can you be honest with him, ‘Dad, it’s really kind of you but because of my disability I really can’t wear these lovely shoes. Can we go out for afternoon tea/ lunch/cinema as a treat rather than you spending money on these gifts so that we can enjoy doing something together?’.

Presumably if you put them on EBay he might see them and buy them back again? .

[badg3r]

I would struggle with this too! Plus you say to him that some have give out if fashion / are not comfy ever any more so you were thinking of selling them and buying some jewellery etc with the money instead, and would he mind? In this situation, might knowing you have is blessing make you feel less bad about selling?

[EyebagsOnLegs]

If I put them on eBay he will find them. He’s not the type to go for days out as such as he’s a disabled pensioner and I’ve got 2 kids, one of which is a baby which limits certain days out too. I don’t wear jewellery and I’ve never in my life been girly in any description so I really can’t understand it.
I’ve been honest and said I can’t/won’t wear them but he just keeps on

[user1471553214]

Stick them on a different selling sight - Facebook marketplace? No point in hoarding them

[Galacticat]

Put them on Depop? He shouldn't find them there. Or give them to a charity.

[NakedAvenger]

How 'designer' are they? If you are in Chanel, Valentino range then try Vestaire Collective.
Otherwise eBay is probably best option with a decent reserve

[Antiquevintageandrusty]

I donate, if new, toiletries, accessories, etc., etc., I give them to a local nursing home. I spend two hours a week there chatting with a couple of old people so I know the staff and they go into the 'birthday box'.

If used I stick them in the firefighters charity bin at the local fire station.

[Antiquevintageandrusty]

Oh I am not sure my suggestion is remotely useful for designer shoes and handbags!!

[NakedAvenger]

Sorry saw your point about him finding them on eBay. If you are in London or a big city there's often designer secondhand shops who will pay a decent price. Make sure it's not near where he lives! Facebook marketplace or local Facebook buy and sell

[AwkwardPaws27]

You could try Depop or Vinted (selling apps) instead of eBay? Then buy something nice that you'll enjoy and treasure with the funds.

[hmmwhatatodo]

Try and swap them here on the Christmas present swap thread.

[EhlanaOfElenia]

Vinted is a pretty good selling app, I doubt he'd know about that one.

[CoastalLife]

There was a thread on here the other day where everyone was that a mother was regifting unwanted presents that had been given to her young children. Apparently it was the height of cheek. Personally I think it's pointless and wasteful to keep things just for the sake of it when you know you won't ever use them (not a dig at you, OP, I understand it's sensitive with your dad). I just don't personally see anything wrong at all with donating, selling or regifting unwanted gifts.

Do you have any friends who might appreciate any of the items as gifts? Could you sell any of them to a vintage store? Or research online designer/vintage sellers on Facebook and make contact to see if they'd be interested in any of the items?

[EyebagsOnLegs]

It just makes me feel guilty for some reason. Like if I sell them, I’ve lost the sentiment and I just want money (I don’t.) if I give them away my dad’s spent money for nothing.

Very few have certificates (sold some years ago and the buyer tried claiming money back saying they were fake which they absolutely were not, they just had no certificates).

They mostly have signs of wear (the shoes).

I’d never use Vinted again, I sold a pair of shoes and she claimed never to have received them then when she listed them she used my photo of them in my fucking living room and Vinted did fuck all so I still had to refund and she sold them on.

[NakedAvenger]

OP I feel you. Then I read Marie Kondo! You are holding onto guilt.
"Don’t keep gifts out of guilt. After the joy of the gift-giving moment is through, you can donate the gift without guilt. It has served its purpose.”

Also read verilymag.com/.amp/2015/12/holiday-gifts-regifting-guilt-marie-kondo-declutter

[Maelstrop]

Send them tracked/signed for if selling on. Why does your dad keep buying them knowing you can't wear them? It's like a weird control thing! (I'm sure he's not, but it very odd if you've told him)

[EyebagsOnLegs]

I will look into this tidying lady show I do keep meaning to!

It’s not, “you end up sitting down most of the time when you’re out anyway” not true even if I did go out I’ve got a baby glued to my hip!

I always send signed for but the Vinted one my mum forgot and posted normally. I had to ask her to because I’d had a stroke and was in hospital which the buyer also knew.

[user1andonly]

It sounds like he's getting something out of searching for the deals. A bit like compulsive shopping from his own home. Relieving his boredom and feeling useful (even though it's not!) Could you suggest something that you would enjoy (books?) and try to divert him onto that. Sorry if you've already tried that.

[EyebagsOnLegs]

Thank you, I do think that’s a big part of it. Before becoming disabled he was always busy. He’s got more books and DVDs than anyone I know and hes a hoarder himself. Well, he has many “collections”.

[cameliagreenfingers]

I am currently clearing and donating/throwing out gifts my dad has given me. he gives me loads of stuff including - wait for it - an entire plaster cast three quarter height nativity set from a church. they're in my cellar now wrapped in bubble wrap with their little heads sticking out the top - as they have been for the past twelve years. I really appreciate the sentiment but today I've been getting rid of stuff. I know he loves me. (I'm keeping the nativity set - I thought of varnishing them and putting them in the garden).

I got a regift last year from my cousin - it was the present I had given her the year before! she had no idea!

[Drogonssmile]

My Dad often gets something very nice but completely not me. He and my mum split up when I was two so he doesn't know me that well ie he's never lived with me. I usually eBay and get something really nice that I want with the money.