I am on the verge of having an affair

[WhattheheckamIdoing]

I am ready to be flamed, I know I deserve it.

I am on the verge of starting an affair with a married colleague. I know this is wrong, I know lots of pain will come from it and I feel guilty about his wife and children.

We have only had a (few) drunken snogs after the office Christmas party. We left the party separately at different times and met at my place. At the party we just couldn't get away from each other so it was getting dangerous. I was adamant that we should not get into proper sexual territory as that would be an even more slippery slope. We agreed on that.

I think we are both pretty infatuated with each other, but we need to draw a line and stop this madness. His wife also works for the same company and the consequences on his family and my career would be tragic if this became a full-blown affair.

I don't know why I am posting here. I can't tell anyone in real life so maybe I just needed to write it. I am on the verge of having an affair. I hope I'll have the strength to control myself.

[gamerchick]

No, you know you're going to shag him. You'll think with your hormones and will reap the punishment later on. He of course may come out smelling of roses while you're looking for another job.

You know when we wish we could go back in time to change a mistake? Treat this like that. You'll thank yourself.

[81Byerley]

Keep away from him. It can only end in disaster. What do you want with someone who can be so disloyal to someone he's supposed to love?

[PavlovianLunge]

He isn’t worth fucking up your career over.
He isn’t worth hurting another woman and her family.
He isn’t worth the damage that he’ll probably do to your self-esteem.

He isn’t worth any of it, nobody is. Answer he’s shown you - is showing you - that he can’t be trusted. Be better than him, stop this in its tracks.

[icelollycraving]

So, you know the pain and damage it would do. You carry on regardless. Nice.
No shag is that good. I take it you’re single. There are plenty of single men. Don’t shit on your own doorstep.

[Heartofglass21]

Are you working over Christmas? If not, use the time away from work to give yourself a proper talking to. This man has a wife. He made vows to that woman. Have a bit of sisterly solidarity with her, and don't go there. Be flattered he finds you attractive but don't sleep with him. It's bad enough you've had a few drunken snogs already.

This isn't the start of an exciting new adventure, it's the start of slow spiral into depression and self-loathing as your self-esteem goes down the pan, and you are the subject of gossip and pointed fingers from colleagues.

[skippy67]

Plenty of other (single) dick out there. Pick one of those.

[Loopytiles]

You’re already having an affair. Don’t be an idiot. People will already have noticed. If you want to date other people tell your H / end your marriage first.

[ShepherdsPipeCarol]

You can control this situation. You can tell him that you do not have relationships with married men. You can look for a new job. You can refuse to socialise or be alone with him. You will be rewarded with the knowledge that you did the right thing and the freedom to have a relationship with someone who loves and respects you as you deserve to be loved.

[DiaryofWimpyMum]

Your life is about to get very messy. You can stop it now before a few drunken snogs turns into a shitstorm

[presentcontinuous]

Sounds like you're loving the buzz. But the excitement is so much better and more real, not to mention durable, with someone who isn't a cheating, lying, self-serving married twat.

So project yourself a year or 2 into the future and imagine how you'll be feeling when your career is in tatters, his family is blown apart, he has told you you were only a bit of fun, and everyone thinks you're a selfish bitch.

Was it all worth it?

[KnittingSister]

Do you really want a relationship with someone willing to have an affair - he's willing to cheat on his wife, he'll think nothing of cheating on you!

[Taghain]

Look for another job immediately.
There's no good outcome for an affair with a colleague,. If it progresses you'll hurt his family, if it doesn't go well you're faced with pissed off colleague.

[UptownFlunk]

Ask him to leave his wife and family before you start a relationship. You won't see him for dust.

[mansneverhot]

I honestly don't understand why people even find cheats attractive... do you not care even slightly about a person's moral fibre?


You are in control. This is a choice that you're making. You're an adult human with free will, not some amoeba that has no option but to follow reproductive instincts.

[NancyDonahue]

Stop it right now. You're already hurting his marriage. Think about his wife and kids. He's a slime ball

[secondarymincepie]

You've already snogged him. It's already an affair. You KNOW what you're doing is wrong.
Ask yourself why it is you're attracted to him and think about the reality of the situation - this is a man who's willing to betray his wife and family for the sake of a bit of strange in the office, is that really what you want in a man?

[Charbovari]

We left the party separately at different times and met at my place. At the party we just couldn't get away from each other so it was getting dangerous. I was adamant that we should not get into proper sexual territory as that would be an even more slippery slope. We agreed on that.

That's pretty self-deluding, OP. It is perfectly possible to not drunkenly snog someone in the middle of a crowd of colleagues. You left because you wanted to do stuff you couldn't do in front of colleagues. And by 'proper sexual territory', I assume you mean you've stopped short of PIV, but engaged in Other Stuff. Honestly, look at this in the clear light of day -- giving him a blowjob in your kitchen after the office party is hardly the doomed love affair of the century, is it?

[rosie39forever]

How can you possibly do this to another woman, a woman who has children, he is a dispicable lying sack of shit and you find that attractive?? Seriously there’s a name for women like you and if you go ahead you will never escape it.

[WhattheheckamIdoing]

Charbovari no we did not engage in any sexual activities. We were fully dressed and did not grope or touch each other's in a sexual way. We just snogged a lot.

[Charbovari]

for the sake of a bit of strange

@secondarymagpie is this an expression for some sex on the side? Not from the UK, and have never heard it!

[Bishalisha]

Are you single?

Please don’t do it OP. Not only will it tear a family apart. This poor women will be so humiliated- you work with her for crying out loud!

[WhattheheckamIdoing]

I am single, no DC. Quite a bit younger than MM.

[RomanyRoots]

I hope his wife finds out and you get what you deserve.
It's not like you don't know he's married.
Find somebody who is free and stop trying to steal other peoples husbands.
There are a few names for people that do this, if you want to be known as one, carry on.

[NightOwlHoney]

Think of the pain his wife will feel when she finds out (cause she will) and reflects on this Christmas and how all it was all a lie because you two were fucking about.

Consider that little do their children know that this might be the last Christmas that they spend with both their mum and dad cause their poor mum may have had to boot out their dad by this time next year.

Believe me, and I speak from personal experience, that when the truth all comes out, the scales will fall from your eyes and if you are any kind of a decent human being, your self esteem will be absolutely obliterated when you survey the damage you have done. No matter what bollocks he spouts just now and how convincing it seems, he will most likely say and do anything he has to to save his own arse then.

There are so many other men to choose from. Don't be a bitch.

[mansneverhot]

Oh ok so he's an old sleazebag as well as a shit husband, undedicated father and unprofessional employee. Sounds like a right catch you should definitely shag his brains out.