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Help! I've been asked why I've deleted someone from Facebook. What do I say?

(92 Posts)
GunpowderGelatine Thu 13-Dec-18 15:52:09

Had a bit of a Facebook clear out. I don't have loads of friends but I figured if I wouldn't stop and speak to someone on the street they probably don't belong on my Facebook.

So I deleted a mum who I knew when my DD was at nursery (she's now in year 1 so not been in nursery for over a year). We were never friends, chatted at parties and met up for a couple of play dates at softplay, but that's it.

Literally 2 minutes later she's messaged me to ask if she's done something wrong as she noticed I have deleted her 😬 does Facebook tell you when someone deletes you?!

If I told the truth I'd be saying "I don't know you that well and your attention seeking statuses are very annoying" - but what does a total wuss like me actually say <stares tempted at block button> grin

Thatsalovelycuppatea Sun 23-Dec-18 18:39:44

I totally agree with you. Some mums stopped talking to me completely when I did it. I just thought it was a right cheek adding me and then not making the effort to get to know me on the playground. Glad my dd is at high school now and don't have to see anyone!!!

BalloonSlayer Sun 23-Dec-18 13:57:24

"Security" does not have to mean James Bond etc.

You could say "it's to stop unwelcome exes tracking me down on FB via a friend of a friend of a friend."

Anothermothersusername Sun 23-Dec-18 13:45:53

I walked past a Facebook friend in Sainsbury’s recently. We both saw each other and neither of us said ‘hello’. We were friends until middle school and then drifted apart. This thread has made me think I might actually start deleting some of my contacts. The worst ones are work contacts. I’ve had a few friend requests from various people at work and I’ve always been too embarrassed to ignore. But then it means I feel restricted as to what I can post about online. It’s starting to feel like social media is taking over so much of my time I’m getting sick of it so I might come off FB altogether and when my phone finally dies I won’t be replacing it / will be getting a very basic phone

BooHasAPressieForYou Sun 23-Dec-18 13:30:18

I had this 6 months ago, I just decided that my Facebook was going back to actual friends and family who I would want to see my photos etc and anyone else was binned off.
Queue a dad and daughter duo who we knew when we lived across the country over 10 years ago messaging me. The simple fact is I was never all that keen on either of them. We had nothing in common. They had asked us down to visit and we once dropped in but it reinforced why I was never keen before. They had invited themselves to our house a couple of times by saying they wanted to send a card and then turning up unannounced.

I ignored the pair of them so they messaged DH to moan. So he deleted them too grin

I don't get this constant need to collect as many randoms or acquaintances you've not seen or bothered with for years on Facebook. I've seen people with over 500 friends! How is that possible?

I think now if I got a why did you ditch me needy message, I'd reply "look at needy message sent. That is why".

Hezz Sun 23-Dec-18 13:20:33

I'd say if you need to ask why I'm afraid I can't tell you. Please delete this message as soon as you've read it.

Keep them guessing OP, keep them guessing wink

freshfoodpeople Sun 23-Dec-18 12:15:24

she actually replied "U OK hun?" 😂 I said yes fine thank are you?
Brilliant! Replying as though her question was genuine concern.

freshfoodpeople Sun 23-Dec-18 12:13:19

Facebook Purity. Very easy to download/instal and set up for your own needs. I mainly use it as an ad blocker, but it will also tell you if someone has deactivated their account or unfriended you (amongst other things).

doodlejump1980 Sat 22-Dec-18 21:23:37

Wtf is Facebook purity?

FurryDogMother Sat 22-Dec-18 21:17:37

Those who were asking about Facebook Purity - you can read all about it here - it's an unofficial add-on that allows you to customise your feed and take control of various other aspects of Facebook. I've been running it for a couple of years on my FB and not found any issues as yet!

DarlingNikita Fri 14-Dec-18 16:04:19

WeBuilt, that is GENIUS.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Fri 14-Dec-18 00:08:58

Every time she texts you, reply with one of the following (in rotation, if she questions and/or persists):

"Pyotr informs me that the roses are blooming in Leningrad this Spring"
"Tonight we go to the mattresses - always respect omerta"
"You keep telling me that killing isn't the answer, but you never explain WHY"
"You are such nice person - I do hope sixth chamber not come around for you"

Then wait a minute and send another text: "So sorry, I think I sent you a message by mistake that was meant for somebody else - please delete it and, if necessary, deny you ever saw it or know who I am."

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Thu 13-Dec-18 23:52:45

Surely people realise that you move through life and associations come and go, don't they?

The much more rational question for her to ask would be why should she leave me on her Facebook? All we ever really had in common is that our kids went to the same nursery at one time, but neither they nor we see each other any more.

I got bored with Facebook very quickly (and don't like how it stalks you and stores up your data) and don't use it at all now. Fair enough lots of people do, but some folk really need to understand that it's not real life and you shouldn't use it as a barometer of popularity (not that you should expect to be particularly 'popular' or important to somebody from whom you've since gone your separate ways anyway).

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Thu 13-Dec-18 23:45:07

Maybe you should have sent her a pre-deletion notice before doing so, by taking your cue from the great Greek poet Homer*:

"Welcome to My-Facebook Dumpsville. Population: You" grin

* At least, I think it was that Homer....

fringegrin45 Thu 13-Dec-18 20:38:37


GunpowderGelatine Thu 13-Dec-18 20:36:49

To be honest, I would now tell her the truth, apologise for the silly lie about security reasons, tell her you can see now that was stupid, and tell her the truth.

Nah fuck that. I'm not apologising!

I ignored her (TBF I've spent a painful hour helping a 5yo write 13 Christmas cards to her classmates, then it's taken another 2 to recover) and she actually replied "U OK hun?" 😂 I said yes fine thank are you? 😬 stepping away now

Anyway what does everyone think of my new earrings?

iMatter Thu 13-Dec-18 20:31:58

Just tell her you've been on the receiving end of some stalker type behaviour and then send her a Paddington stare GIF <helpful>

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 13-Dec-18 20:24:15

Well, you've ignored advice on here, and made it more complicated for yourself by telling a lie, when you take have just said it was to simplify to family etc, and she would (probably) have accepted that. So, not much sympathy, but now your only option is to say 'the secret service do not comment on proceure' fgrin

7salmonswimming Thu 13-Dec-18 19:16:30

“Why what’s happened”

“I had too many FB friends”


GrubbyHipsterBeard Thu 13-Dec-18 19:06:42

summergems I know we don’t owe anyone anything on Facebook which is why I said it’s up to the OP who she has. That’s a separate issue to whether someone is entitled to feel a little put out that someone has signalled they aren’t interested in maintaining a link even by social media.

Someone doesn’t have to have done anything wrong for someone else to be a bit upset.

I think the issue is some people see FB for close friends and family. Others see it as a way of staying in touch with those they don’t really see in real life. I am the latter - there are people I like but don’t really see, but am still interested to see their news, if they’ve had a child etc

SummerGems Thu 13-Dec-18 17:51:37

Anyone who notices and then messages someone after they’ve been unfriended needs to get a life. It’s facebook.

I would just say that you’ve decided to cut back just because and leave it at that.

I’ve recently unfriended a few people because of various reasons:

One I unfriended because they keep posting those cut and paste statuses you know the “anyone who knows someone with cancer/mental health problems/<insert health condition of choice> and then states that of course only their true friends will read yada yada yada. Got sick of them so have started to unfriend people who post them. That’ll make me not true friends right enough. grin.

Someone else I unfriended because she posted some dramatic update which led me and others to thinking something was seriously wrong, turns out that she was posting dramatically about a tv programme and got most offended when it was pointed out to her that people had assumed there was something wrong (a family member of hers is seriously ill and the status implied they’d been rushed to hospital). I unfriended after she directed comments comments and comments of vitriol at me. She then messaged me saying that she was glad I’d unfriended her because I got on her nerves. grin so right decision on my part there.

Tbh, it is a little personal - you don’t see her as important enough to have her on FB. Up to you who you have on FB but not unreasonable for someone to be a little offended by that. rubbish. It’s facebook and not the real world. If you never engage, never speak to them online or offline then it’s not unreasonable to assume you no longer have anything in common and just step back. We don’t owe anyone anything on facebook.

Bunnymumma Thu 13-Dec-18 17:50:18

Jesus titty-fucking Christ. If she has the time to ask you, she's answering her own question.

What self respecting adult gives a shit about this kind of teenage crap? Good for you for getting rid. I can only imagine what her status updates must be like.

You may have guessed that I haven't had FB for a looooong time...

Ribbonsonabox Thu 13-Dec-18 17:44:24

Just dont reply further. She sounds very odd and intense.

GreenMeerkat Thu 13-Dec-18 17:42:02

I wouldn't say anything. You don't see her anymore, you have deleted her on Facebook so why should her opinion even matter to you anymore?

Delete the message and move on.

CryingMessFFS Thu 13-Dec-18 17:41:56

Who dis* not did doh autocorrect

CryingMessFFS Thu 13-Dec-18 17:41:24

“Who did?” cracked me up because it’s exactly what my sister would reply.

She’s asking what happened OP cuz she’s nosey, that’s why she was bothered you’d unfriended her. Just ignore now. Or make up a really dramatic story

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