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Help! I've been asked why I've deleted someone from Facebook. What do I say?

(92 Posts)
GunpowderGelatine Thu 13-Dec-18 15:52:09

Had a bit of a Facebook clear out. I don't have loads of friends but I figured if I wouldn't stop and speak to someone on the street they probably don't belong on my Facebook.

So I deleted a mum who I knew when my DD was at nursery (she's now in year 1 so not been in nursery for over a year). We were never friends, chatted at parties and met up for a couple of play dates at softplay, but that's it.

Literally 2 minutes later she's messaged me to ask if she's done something wrong as she noticed I have deleted her 😬 does Facebook tell you when someone deletes you?!

If I told the truth I'd be saying "I don't know you that well and your attention seeking statuses are very annoying" - but what does a total wuss like me actually say <stares tempted at block button> grin

RangeRider Thu 13-Dec-18 17:09:19

"I'd rather not say. Hope you are well"
This ^^

chocatoo Thu 13-Dec-18 17:11:11

I'd just say something like 'Long story, don't ask!! Hope all well with you'...

TreeTopTen Thu 13-Dec-18 17:16:43

I would go down the unfollow route from now on. I blocked someone once who had made it very clear that she didn't like me and the gates to unholy hell opened.

Postino Thu 13-Dec-18 17:17:30

Another vote for "Who dis?" grin

shearwater Thu 13-Dec-18 17:17:57

I'd blame it on a slip of the finger on my phone, and ask after her health.

But not re-add her.

Groovee Thu 13-Dec-18 17:18:20

I'd ignore.

What is Facebook purity?

GrubbyHipsterBeard Thu 13-Dec-18 17:19:01

She asked you why immediately after? Cringe!

That said, it’s never necessary to unfriend. You can put them on restricted to stop them seeing your stuff, and unfollow so you don’t see theirs, but you avoid offence.

Tbh, it is a little personal - you don’t see her as important enough to have her on FB. Up to you who you have on FB but not unreasonable for someone to be a little offended by that.

If someone unfriends me and I happen to notice, I make a mental note that this person is not arsed about me, but I would never dream of mentioning it, still less demanding an explanation.

lljkk Thu 13-Dec-18 17:19:39

lol. Come on, go for boring truth. "Nothing bad happened. Just wanted a simpler social media networks. It's nothing personal. I'll stay hello at nursery."

It's your social work for the day. Will probably blow her mind.

ALemonyPea Thu 13-Dec-18 17:20:43

"can't say, for security reasons, they're always watching, so deleting this before they see it" and block her

Theperfectchangeling Thu 13-Dec-18 17:22:58

“That said, it’s never necessary to unfriend. You can put them on restricted to stop them seeing your stuff, and unfollow so you don’t see theirs, but you avoid offence.”

Not sure I agree, I can tell if I have been restricted, and find it weirdly passive agressive, especially when technically they can still see your stuff!

I say, rip off the plaster. Just delete! grin

shearwater Thu 13-Dec-18 17:24:23

How can you tell if you've been restricted?

DunkandEggAgain Thu 13-Dec-18 17:24:44

Just ignore. You don't owe her explanations.

halfwitpicker Thu 13-Dec-18 17:27:47

She's replied "Why what's happened?".

Manic stalker?
A serial killer is after me after I've been tracking her ever kill (oh how I long to be Sandra Oh)?


Say 'I can't say'

Sugarpiehoneyeye Thu 13-Dec-18 17:30:47

Youve given your reason for deleting her, now be brave OP, and ignore.
Don't give her any fodder for her cannon .... 😄

corkandwood Thu 13-Dec-18 17:33:18

Why on earth did you lie and say it is for security reasons? Why didn't you just tell the truth (minus the jibe you made about her). Just say you were having a clear out and limiting to close friends and family. That was true, believable and didn't open you up to questions you can't answer. To be honest, I would now tell her the truth, apologise for the silly lie about security reasons, tell her you can see now that was stupid, and tell her the truth. You decided to limit to close family and friends. If you have done that to make your feed more manageable, tell her that. Say it's nothing personal.

She's obviously not in a good place if you deleting her has bothered her so much. So be kind. The truth about limiting to close friends is the best and least hurtful option.

My Dad's advise I have found to be helpful, 'when in doubt, tell the truth.'

Theperfectchangeling Thu 13-Dec-18 17:36:51

“How can you tell if you've been restricted?”

Usually pretty obvious when someone posts regularly then all of a sudden you can’t see any new posts!

onefootinthegrave Thu 13-Dec-18 17:38:12

Liz62 you beat me to it

'If I told you, I'd have to kill you' grin

CryingMessFFS Thu 13-Dec-18 17:41:24

“Who did?” cracked me up because it’s exactly what my sister would reply.

She’s asking what happened OP cuz she’s nosey, that’s why she was bothered you’d unfriended her. Just ignore now. Or make up a really dramatic story

CryingMessFFS Thu 13-Dec-18 17:41:56

Who dis* not did doh autocorrect

GreenMeerkat Thu 13-Dec-18 17:42:02

I wouldn't say anything. You don't see her anymore, you have deleted her on Facebook so why should her opinion even matter to you anymore?

Delete the message and move on.

Ribbonsonabox Thu 13-Dec-18 17:44:24

Just dont reply further. She sounds very odd and intense.

Bunnymumma Thu 13-Dec-18 17:50:18

Jesus titty-fucking Christ. If she has the time to ask you, she's answering her own question.

What self respecting adult gives a shit about this kind of teenage crap? Good for you for getting rid. I can only imagine what her status updates must be like.

You may have guessed that I haven't had FB for a looooong time...

SummerGems Thu 13-Dec-18 17:51:37

Anyone who notices and then messages someone after they’ve been unfriended needs to get a life. It’s facebook.

I would just say that you’ve decided to cut back just because and leave it at that.

I’ve recently unfriended a few people because of various reasons:

One I unfriended because they keep posting those cut and paste statuses you know the “anyone who knows someone with cancer/mental health problems/<insert health condition of choice> and then states that of course only their true friends will read yada yada yada. Got sick of them so have started to unfriend people who post them. That’ll make me not true friends right enough. grin.

Someone else I unfriended because she posted some dramatic update which led me and others to thinking something was seriously wrong, turns out that she was posting dramatically about a tv programme and got most offended when it was pointed out to her that people had assumed there was something wrong (a family member of hers is seriously ill and the status implied they’d been rushed to hospital). I unfriended after she directed comments comments and comments of vitriol at me. She then messaged me saying that she was glad I’d unfriended her because I got on her nerves. grin so right decision on my part there.

Tbh, it is a little personal - you don’t see her as important enough to have her on FB. Up to you who you have on FB but not unreasonable for someone to be a little offended by that. rubbish. It’s facebook and not the real world. If you never engage, never speak to them online or offline then it’s not unreasonable to assume you no longer have anything in common and just step back. We don’t owe anyone anything on facebook.

GrubbyHipsterBeard Thu 13-Dec-18 19:06:42

summergems I know we don’t owe anyone anything on Facebook which is why I said it’s up to the OP who she has. That’s a separate issue to whether someone is entitled to feel a little put out that someone has signalled they aren’t interested in maintaining a link even by social media.

Someone doesn’t have to have done anything wrong for someone else to be a bit upset.

I think the issue is some people see FB for close friends and family. Others see it as a way of staying in touch with those they don’t really see in real life. I am the latter - there are people I like but don’t really see, but am still interested to see their news, if they’ve had a child etc

7salmonswimming Thu 13-Dec-18 19:16:30

“Why what’s happened”

“I had too many FB friends”


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