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Excluded for uploading fight video

(99 Posts)
TickleMyPickle Fri 07-Dec-18 17:31:36

My daughter ( year 7 ) has been excluded from school for 3 days for uploading a fight between 2 boys that happened outside of school grounds but in school uniform.
I am shocked by this punishment if I’m honest, does it seem reasonable to you?

PurpleDaisies Fri 07-Dec-18 17:32:28

Uploading to where?

Yes, I think that’s a totally appropriate punishment.

CrispbuttyNo1 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:33:55

Why on earth did she think it is acceptable, why was she filming it, and how the hell can you think it’s acceptable behaviour as well?

Anythingforacatslife Fri 07-Dec-18 17:33:59

Yes, completely reasonable on the part of the school.

Justlikedevon Fri 07-Dec-18 17:34:00

Completely reasonable. She was totally in the wrong and schools take such things very seriously, and rightly so.

MetallicDandelion Fri 07-Dec-18 17:34:04

On social media? Yes, I think it’s appropriate, too. Did she video it happening?

PurpleDaisies Fri 07-Dec-18 17:34:05

Head teachers do have the right to do this...

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Fri 07-Dec-18 17:34:05

Sounds a really dumb thing to have done. I think it’s probably a reasonable punishment but don’t know enough details so not sure.

mortifiedmama Fri 07-Dec-18 17:34:54

Yep, very reasonable.

Feb2018mumma Fri 07-Dec-18 17:35:06

If someone uploaded a video of my son online, meaning even when taken down it's still out there, I would say 3 days isn't enough, definitely teach her a few lessons, 1. Get help, don't film 2. Don't go home and upload it?

PurpleDaisies Fri 07-Dec-18 17:35:27

What do you think would have been a reasonable thing to happen?

iVampire Fri 07-Dec-18 17:36:18

Yes, totally reasonable of the school

noblegiraffe Fri 07-Dec-18 17:36:42

Good. Hopefully she will think twice before doing so in the future.

cushioncovers Fri 07-Dec-18 17:36:53

Yep she shouldn't of done that.

AlexaShutUp Fri 07-Dec-18 17:37:47

Have you taught her about the appropriate use of social media? By year 7, I would presume that your dd would understand why this was unacceptable, so I'm not surprised that the school has come down on her quite heavily. I guess she'll learn her lesson from it!

Breakyourselfagainstmystones Fri 07-Dec-18 17:38:21

Very reasonable, well done that school.

Standing recording someone getting hurt and then uploading it is disgusting, and bullying behaviour imo.

50ShadesOfWTF Fri 07-Dec-18 17:38:26

100% reasonable on the part of the school. She should have got to get help or just walked away. Filming it is unacceptable and then uploading it is even worse

TickleMyPickle Fri 07-Dec-18 17:38:54

Sorry yes I wasn’t clear, she wasn’t there, it was sent to her and she in turn has sent it to someone else.
School have followed the chain and all those who shared the video have the same punishment.

HarrySnotter Fri 07-Dec-18 17:39:12

Yes, I think it seems a reasonable sanction. Recording the fight was pretty awful in the first place, never mind posting it online.

PottyPotterer Fri 07-Dec-18 17:39:15

I'm shocked too. I think she got off very lightly, what a disgusting thing to do, she's obviously been stood there filming children beating each other up. She'd be getting a whole load more punishment than that if she was mine. You'll be confiscating her phone indefinitely yes? She's clearly not mature enough to have one. Ask yourself this, how would you feel if a video of your child being beaten ended up online? I've seen such videos and they turn my stomach, I can't imagine how I'd feel if it were my own child.

Fanjita1 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:39:34

Awful behaviour. Punishment mild IMO.

PurpleDaisies Fri 07-Dec-18 17:40:24

School have followed the chain and all those who shared the video have the same punishment.

That’s absolutely right.

What do you think should have happened?

tinytemper66 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:40:24

She is also too young to be on most social media platforms!

HarrySnotter Fri 07-Dec-18 17:40:54

Crossed post. I see she didn't record it herself, but I still believe that the school have acted correctly.

TheBigFatMermaid Fri 07-Dec-18 17:40:57

What punishment do you think she should have had?

WTFIsAGleepglorp Fri 07-Dec-18 17:41:26

School have followed the chain and all those who shared the video have the same punishment

Yes. That's right, fair and legal.

Not unreasonable.

Instead of showing it to a responsible adult, she shared it with a friend. Stupid.

HarrySnotter Fri 07-Dec-18 17:41:27

What do you believe the appropriate sanction would be OP?

ohdearmymistake Fri 07-Dec-18 17:41:41

Good she got what she deserves in fact she probably got off lightly, just because she's your dad see this behaviour for what it is totally unacceptable nasty and indefensible.

Notquiterichenough Fri 07-Dec-18 17:41:48

Standard punishment in my DC's schools. They know the rules, they're not difficult to follow.

TickleMyPickle Fri 07-Dec-18 17:42:40

She’s never been in trouble before so I’m unsure how the punishments usually work.
I know my friends son ,in the same year /school was given isolation at school for 2 days for telling a teacher to fuck off.
I would’ve thought 3 days essentially “off school” is less of a punishment than isolation.
Don’t get me wrong, she will face consequences at home for this too!

AlexaShutUp Fri 07-Dec-18 17:43:12

It sounds like the school wants to give a really clear, consistent message on what is obviously unacceptable behaviour. It's the same punishment for all concerned, so all perpetrators have been treated fairly. I'm sure they'll all think twice next time!

southnownorth Fri 07-Dec-18 17:43:16

Similar punishment in a school where I used to live.

A girl was horribly beaten up by an ex pupil and the school has excluded anyone who has uploaded it, and rightly so, it is vulgar viewing.

GetTheStartyParted Fri 07-Dec-18 17:44:05

Glad to hear the school have acted appropriately.
My son was assaulted and the footage was shared around. It was horrible knowing it was out there.

CherryPavlova Fri 07-Dec-18 17:45:30

Clear message at an early stage is good.

AlexaShutUp Fri 07-Dec-18 17:45:52

I would’ve thought 3 days essentially “off school” is less of a punishment than isolation.

Only if you let her treat it as a holiday. In your shoes, I'd be ensuring that she worked bloody hard on those days!

HarrySnotter Fri 07-Dec-18 17:46:13

I would’ve thought 3 days essentially “off school” is less of a punishment than isolation.

Well, that really depends on what you plan for her to do while she's at home. If she spends the days on her tablet, chatting to her other friends who have also been excluded or playing video games then it would be less of a punishment, but I'm sure that's not what you have in mind.

AlexaShutUp Fri 07-Dec-18 17:46:59

GetThePartyStarted flowers

Halloweenallyearround Fri 07-Dec-18 17:47:23

It punishes the parent to as you probably have to find childcare and exclusion may see less as she at home, but if she does anything else they are able to move to the next step and remove her from the school permanently.

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 17:48:31

Absolutely appropriate.

My DD was the victim of an assault aka 'fight' that was shared and sent via what's app facebook snapchat also uploaded to a facebook page.

I am disgusted that your daughter sent the video on tbh and I can't believe that you are querying the punishment given out by the school.

Should be made illegal. And she should be getting a police visit for it in my book. As bad as accessory to assault. And totally and utterly unacceptable.

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 17:49:43

x post with @getthepartystarted.

It was AWFUL knowing that the footage is out there for ever and being shared around. Awful. Just awful.

The thought that people watched it for the lolz was horrendous. And terribly upsetting.

GetTheStartyParted Fri 07-Dec-18 17:50:10

Thank you.
Thankfully he wasn't too hurt but it was weirdly unsettling knowing that others could view it. It's difficult to articulate but it was upsetting.

MrsBombastic Fri 07-Dec-18 17:50:27

I do think it's reasonable.

Think about it: what is the point of this punishment? To crack down on sharing innapropriate content.

Will she do it again (or more to the point, will YOU make it clear it's not to happen again?).

I think you won't be tolerating anymore of this from your child therefore the punishment has served it's purpose.

Sharing fights/bullying is a huge problem which is why it's so prevalent... did you know that a year 7 girl has been left brain damaged after a much older girl stamped on her head for "looking at her boyfriend" and it was shared online?

Now imagine that was YOUR daughter left in that state and tell me her punishment was innapropriate.

The fact that you are even asking us shows that you also don't understand the severity of what she did and as a mother and adult that needs serious examination on your part.

AlexaShutUp Fri 07-Dec-18 17:52:43

I can totally see how upsetting it would be to have such a horrible thing effectively being shared around for entertainment/gossip. Awful.

flowers for dippledorus too.

GetTheStartyParted Fri 07-Dec-18 17:53:15

Hope your DD is ok flowers

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 17:54:42

flowers @getthepartystarted sorry I forgot to do that blush

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 17:56:22

x posts again I type too slow and get distracted with other stuff.

@getthepartystarted hope your DS is ok too - DD moved schools in the end - that was only the tip of the iceberg of some terrible bullying.

It's horrendous to know it has been shared, isn't it? Seems to make it so much worse than just knowing there was an assault. the filming and sharing of it is just an extra kick in the teeth, if you'll pardon the pun.

SnuggyBuggy Fri 07-Dec-18 17:56:53

Ask her how she would feel if she was the person being beaten up on footage that was being shared. The punishment is appropriate I think.

ladybee28 Fri 07-Dec-18 17:57:52

I would’ve thought 3 days essentially “off school” is less of a punishment than isolation.

Not in my house, it wouldn't be.

Greensleeves Fri 07-Dec-18 17:57:55

Completely reasonable response from the school. If one of my children had done this, I would be livid with him, not complaining about the consequence.

And if one of mine had done this and been excluded for it, he wouldn't be enjoying his 3 day exclusion one little bit.

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 18:01:23

Why are you treating this as 3 days essentially off school and not going completely and utterly postal on her? Seriously, if one of mine had done this I wouldn't be posting on here gurning about it and saying the punishment from the school wasn't reasonable.

She would be in no doubt at all that her ass was grounded and I was most displeased and she would be doing fuck all until I was sure she was very sorry.

GetTheStartyParted Fri 07-Dec-18 18:01:27

My son was about to sit his GCSE's when it happened. He had a black eye, split lip and chipped teeth. I insisted on calling the police (he didn't want to).

They were wonderful, my DS decided not to press charges in the end but having the support of the police helped him through it all.

He is now studying elsewhere and away from all the trouble. He is doing great, I'm so proud.

bertielab Fri 07-Dec-18 18:03:09

Bloody hell only 3 days. So she filmed non consenting children under 16? She didn’t get help? She then shared it on public media? If my child was fighting I would expect an exclusion. Videoing it for ‘fun’ totally sick - and I’d expect a longer exclusion / posting on social media against GDPR for the ‘enjoyment of others’ or whatever sad reason she did it I’d have expected a permanent exclusion. She needs counselling and a huge kick up the arse. Where is her kindness? Compassion? Common sense ? And why the hell is she on social media at 11? One of mine is 12 - they have no social media and wouldn’t dream of taking pictures of a fight! In fact Their younger DB wasn’t feeling well and they were all at the GP surgery and trying to keep ill child amused as they were v ill by taking pictures of each other. Youngest one was sitting on the floor at my feet and DC 2 said I can’t take your picture as I’ll get that lady’s boot in the picture and not just you and I can’t get someone else in the picture as that wouldn’t be fair. The lady said it was fine to take the picture so they did - but before they snap anyone they ask!!!

Workreturner Fri 07-Dec-18 18:03:16

Totally agree with school

I would be truly disturbed and very anxious if my daughter did this.

Your focus is ALL wrong.

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 18:04:23

DD was third year. It carried on and she stuck out her GCSE's and is elsewhere for A level.

She had a broken eye socket and her nose and mouth was bleeding (thankfully not broken nose and no broken teeth) and her knees were all scraped. She was grabbed by the hair and had her face smashed into the pavement.

Hugs for youngmrgetthepartystarted. I hope he does amazing and middle finger to the little shits.

Greensleeves Fri 07-Dec-18 18:04:39

And what is she doing on social media in Y7? She's too young.

Sunisshining5346 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:06:07

Yes she should be punished! That video will stay on the internet forever.

I would be disgusted if my children done this.

MessyBun247 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:08:23

She didn’t film it. She was sent it by someone and she in turn sent it to someone else.

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 18:09:52

She should NOT have forwarded it on. She should have shown a parent or a teacher and asked their advice. She should not have taken part in the sharing of a video of an assault FFS.

That will be on her school record for the rest of her days. Hardly a good start to year 7 is it. She would need to mend up.

TickleMyPickle Fri 07-Dec-18 18:10:38

Sorry for those who have had children filmed being hurt.
This was 2 , 11 year old boys who had “arranged” the fight, both participating equally. They were pulling each other’s bags and attempting to slap one another and not actually making contact.

SleepingStandingUp Fri 07-Dec-18 18:12:10

would’ve thought 3 days essentially “off school” is less of a punishment than isolation
Well that's down to you OP. What do you intend to do with her for those three days? Will she be home alone with all her tech available, having a merry old time or will you actually make this a punishment so she understands what she did wrong?

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 18:12:38

Doesn't matter. It is unacceptable either way - and honestly, if you think it's OK because two boys "arranged" the fight then you are as bad as she is. No wonder she saw fit to send it on.

SleepingStandingUp Fri 07-Dec-18 18:13:31

Uploaded it to where OP?

Avrannakern Fri 07-Dec-18 18:13:36


In the UK, it is not your choice whether or not to press charges. That's an American term.
Here, once you call the police it is up to them to make arrests and send a report to the crown prosecution service or procurator fiscal. They then decide whether to proceed with charges or not.

They might ask your opinion, but even if you say no they can proceed with a prosecution if it is "in the public interest".

FTA28 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:14:46

Totally appropriate. To upload it your daughter presumably recorded it or lent her phone to someone to record it. If one of the people fighting were to be charged with assault your daughter could be deemed to be encouraging it and prosecuted herself for aiding and abetting.

In those circumstances she can’t whinge about her relatively painless punishment

overnightangel Fri 07-Dec-18 18:14:48

Alvsolutely reasonable, lenient if anything.
Why would she do that?????

FTA28 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:15:43

Or even both charged with affray....

ExcitedForChristmas18 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:16:19

You are making excuses for your child's behaviour. What she done is illegal. She should be punished. It's up to you now as her parent, to make sure in those three days she knows that her actions in life have consequences.

Three days off sat chatting to friends on her phone..hmm you are asking for her to do stupid things again.

The next four weeks no phone, no meeting friends etc..she will think twice about being so stupid again!

Chocolatedeficitdisorder Fri 07-Dec-18 18:16:24

My ASD Ds was a victim in a filmed assault when he was 12. I pressed charges and one boy was charged with a communications crime and spent time working with an offenders charity.

I would have had every person who uploaded it suspended for a week, they may not have thrown a punch, but it's tantamount to watching, cheering and inviting others to join in the fun of watching the bullying and humiliation of another child.

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones Fri 07-Dec-18 18:19:14

You seem to be downplaying the seriousness of what she has done op.

The police could potentially be involved in this too.

Hushnownobodycares Fri 07-Dec-18 18:21:23

Schools crack down hard on Year 7 and rightly so. The reasoning will be she and the rest who thought it a great idea will hopefully think twice before doing anything like it again. Entirely proportionate.

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 18:22:01

If she was mine.

She would be off social media for the foreseeable.

She would only have a brick phone to text/phone if anything happened on the way home from school and that only if she traveled independently to school.

She would have limited and supervised internet access.

And she would not be out the door except to school.

And there would be a lot of cleaning and chores she would be doing and an awful lot of how disappointed I was in her and what a disgrace she was to have taken delight and sent that sort of thing on.

SnuggyBuggy Fri 07-Dec-18 18:24:42

A prearranged fight may not be as bad morally as filming someone being victimised but I would still use this as a teaching moment.

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 18:26:01

A prearranged fight can still be bullying and is still not acceptable in any way shape or form to film and share.

OP, you need to reset your moral compass here.

Knittink Fri 07-Dec-18 18:26:56

I don't understand, OP - you say you're shocked by the punishment, but then say that you think it's lenient compared with an in-school isolation. What are you shocked about then?

roisinagusniamh Fri 07-Dec-18 18:27:56

So pleased to see how well the school have dealt with this me hope .

Sethis Fri 07-Dec-18 18:28:07

Legitimate punishment.

One of the worst things about smartphones is people's fucking obsession with filming bad things happening instead of doing something to help.

"Oh, someone's getting mugged, better instagram it lolololol"

Super happy the school is delivering the message that this is not okay.

ladybee28 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:29:27

Not wanting to de-rail the thread, but this is also exactly why it rats me off so much when parents let children use social media.

They are children, there are minimum age guidelines for a reason, and exposing your kid to platforms where it's so easy for someone lacking emotional maturity to screw up spectacularly like this is not "helping them learn to use it responsibly". It's setting them up to fail, and potentially hurt other people in the process.

Nicknacky Fri 07-Dec-18 18:31:20

Excellent, good to know the school is taking it seriously.

If she was my child then she would soon realise that exclusion was the least of her worries.

You don’t sound too concerned about her behaviour.

HarrySnotter Fri 07-Dec-18 18:32:26

You still haven't said what you believe is a suitable sanction OP. What punishment will you be putting in place on these three days at home?

Piffpaffpoff Fri 07-Dec-18 18:33:43

Utterly reasonable. It’s potentially a sackable offence once she’s in employment so she’s learning a valuable lesson just now.

Notacluethisxmas Fri 07-Dec-18 18:34:05

More often than not, 2 kids arranging to fight do so because they feel the have to. Not because they enjoy it.

Your daughter circulated a video of two teenagers hitting eachother.

The punishment is appropriate. I would be removing her phone. She clearly isn't responsible enough to have it.

keepingbees Fri 07-Dec-18 18:36:38

To be honest I'm glad the school have taken it seriously and done this.

These videos make me sick. Imagine it was your child getting beaten up for entertainment.

overnightangel Fri 07-Dec-18 18:38:25

What measures are you going to take yourself OP??

SnuggyBuggy Fri 07-Dec-18 18:38:36

I agree, I don't think teens that age are old enough for social media or camera phones

TickleMyPickle Fri 07-Dec-18 18:38:54

I think it would be more of a punishment for her to be in isolation at school.
She doesn’t have any social media, she uploaded it into a group iMessage chat with 2 other girls in it.
She had 2 exciting activities with friends booked for this weekend that she is not allowed to do now and she will have to go to my Husbands office with him for the 3 days, school will be providing her with some course work to do.
She’s in her room sobbing that she’ll never be able to get a job now because of this, so she very much understands that she’s done something very wrong and that she is in trouble!

Russell19 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:39:44

This exclusion will stay on your DDs record. If you are seeing it as a lesser punishment than isolation you are very wrong. It is about as bad as it gets apart from permanent exclusion.

ExcitedForChristmas18 Fri 07-Dec-18 18:43:01

If the video was sent privately between her and two friends in an Imessgae group chat, then how did the school manage to follow the chain and find out about these???? I'm confused??

So she gets to keep her phone then.
And just misses two outings 🙄

Nicknacky Fri 07-Dec-18 18:44:15

The school can’t put them all in isolation. Support the school on there appropriate sanction.

SnuggyBuggy Fri 07-Dec-18 18:45:14

This won't stop her getting a job but if she was prosecuted for this sort of thing then that would come up. Hopefully she will learn her lesson and never do it again. Better this happens at a school level.

Nicknacky Fri 07-Dec-18 18:46:11

Their! Can’t believe I misspelt that!

yumscrumfatbum Fri 07-Dec-18 18:50:53

I think the punishment is appropriate. Even if you don't think it is I think it is important to support the school in the punishment they have given your DD. I'd look at this as a learning opportunity for her. She has done something wrong and she needs to understand the implications of her actions. Schools take hard line with social media issues, quite rightly.

BitchQueen90 Fri 07-Dec-18 19:01:09

Yes I do think it is appropriate. This kind of thing is humiliating and nasty. My DS is only 5 but best believe as he gets older I will be making it very clear to him what I think of those sorts of videos and exactly what kind of trouble he will be in if he participates.

GetTheStartyParted Fri 07-Dec-18 19:05:07

Sorry for using the incorrect term!
The police asked if he would ask friends to be witnesses, would be willing to go to court etc and if he wanted to take any further action. My son decided not to. Seemed easier to phrase it the way I did.

SleepingStandingUp Fri 07-Dec-18 19:22:46

So OP you think it's an over punishment because it'll stay on her record or any nder punishment because she'll enjoy it?

DP has to play bad cop. No mobile phone whilst she's with him, packed lunch, homework done. Not sitting in Dad's chair messaging her mates that she's off to Nando's for lunch. It's perfectly easy for this to not be fin

dippledorus Fri 07-Dec-18 19:27:06

If she has iMessage and was able to upload that without you knowing, then she either has an ipad, an iphone or a macbook or iMac or some other apple device that you haven't monitored properly.

AnyFucker Fri 07-Dec-18 19:27:51


Halloweenallyearround Fri 07-Dec-18 19:51:15

At 11 she should of already known. Both boys choose to fight doesn't mean it's right.
It's good for here to be at work with your dh that way you both learnt that you both should of taught her better.
You and your dh are to blame and so is she not the school.
Making excuses and reason for the punishment being to hard as it doesn't suit you.

Foxyloxy1plus1 Fri 07-Dec-18 20:58:29

The fixed term exclusion will be on her record. She is culpable as she shared this film with others and it matters not whether it was staged, pre planned, accidental, or a spur of the moment fight.

I think it was a very foolish thing to do, especially at the start of secondary school. She’ll have to work very hard to keep herself off the school’s radar and she’s only been there a term.

Children, for that is what they are, need to understand that social media and the internet must be used with extreme care and can really be a poisoned chalice. I hope she will take a lesson from this and keep her head down for the next four and a half years.

gobbin Fri 07-Dec-18 21:06:33

If there were a number involved the school may not have had room for internal exclusion for all of them.

‘Social’ media has a shit lot to answer for. Better she learns the lesson now than later. Sharing anything inappropriate, with or without consent, needs slamming down on hard in my opinion. Good on her school (and you for backing it up at home.)

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