Bizarre comments your children have made

[ContessasGulagSpaDay]

DS2 (6yo) turned to me while we were watching some cartoon and commented, casually "Mummy, my willy is SO STIFF and it won't go down". I stared at him for a moment before admitting that I had no idea how he should address this issue

Please tell me the weird shit your DC have said that you can't really share with other (non-anonymous) people

[RandomUsernameHere]

We have a lovely babysitter who is also a TA at our DC's school. The DC's really like her.
One day after she had babysat for us, DS (4) said "next time Mrs X comes to babysit please can we have a sleepover? Mrs X can sleep with Daddy and Mummy can sleep in DD's room".

I didn't really know what to say!

[Littleelffriend]

My partner works away a lot. My 2 yo said “I have one mummy “ to which we replied yes. She then declared she has 2 daddies, one called bobby. Wtf

[GinevraFanshawe]

Completely out of nowhere, 2yo turned to me this evening and said affectionately “Don’t worry mummy, I won’t chop YOUR head off.”

Makes me worry what he has planned for everyone else tbh.

[Chwaraeteg]

I was reading 'Where willy went' to my almost five year old did last night. We got to the bit about Mr Browns testicles and, as we had had our cat neutered the week before, I happened to mention that this was the part he had had removed. She said 'Poor little sperms. I love sperm'.

I just hope to god she doesn't say that at school.

[DearTeddyRobinson]

@Chwaraeteg er what book is that?!

[ContessasGulagSpaDay]

Ginevra DS1 once stood in front of my face (aged 2), stared for a moment, said "Hitting people is wrong" and then left. I was

Chwaraeteg ?!?

[PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock]

😂😂 sorry dd is only 10 months old so I have nothing to add, but this thread is really making me laugh

[mycelialnetwork]

Dd2, when she was about 2 and a half, repeated on number of occasions- mummy, when you die at Christmas..... It coincided with the local radio station having "Don't fear the reaper" on their play list. I got quite paranoid. (But survived Christmas that year and subsequent ones, fingers crossed for this year!)

[DontGoIntoTheLongGrass]

I went to put a top on, telling DH and 3 year old dd that mummy's titties are swinging like bags of potatoes. Dd laughed "no mummy, you're like a frog"

Girl at works's dd just started reception and whispered to her new teacher, "don't worry, I like you so I won't hurt you." She's 4!!

[m0therofdragons]

Dd3 at 4 announced "My favourite things are knives and blood!" we watch that one very closely and are hoping she'll be a surgeon rather than a serial killer. Fingers crossed!

[underneaththeash]

We had a couple of years of getting nothing out of DD during her first two years at school. Until one at she came out with "Mummy, I was NOT a nice friend at school today" and then refused to elaborate. We did ask the teacher and she had no idea either what DD was talking about.

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

Not weird but makes me a bad bad parent.

2 year old did today walked into her 6 y/o sisters tip of a room, turned to me with arm outstretched dramatically:
"Look at this fucking room!"

I do TRY not swear in front of her.

[ContessasGulagSpaDay]

Now remembering DS2 coming home from school aged 4 and darkly declaring that he had 'en-o-mies' at school who were giving him trouble my beautiful little weirdo.

He also frequently threatens me, DH and DS1 with graphic violence ('I WILL HIT YOU WITH A KNIFE IN YOUR EYE') but we have, worryingly, got used to it.... I swear to God he's not watching anything stronger than the Avenger films!!

[SouthWestmom]

'Mummy, daddy has gone away and he is never coming back. He has gone to 's house.'

[deste]

Dniece (4) while crabbing last week told us they were adorable, today the conkers on the trees were incredible. She jumped off her scooter and wanted to run because she wanted to be healthy. When walking though a quirky village today announced that it was so peacefull.

[Jaxtellerswife]

@ThinkAboutItTomorrow that's so weird, my 3 year old walked in our eldests room with us and sighed 'what a fucking mess'
Glad we aren't the only ones

[Cucumbercalm]

My 5yo dd today came out with ( in a singing voice) does anyone want to come and kill themselves with me

[AhAgain]

God loads... (DS now 8)

Most recently (I was rather ill in hospital last week), “if mummy dies, can I stay home from school” (his very stressed dad was really not impressed ). He is normally loving and affectionate and empathic, so I am not too worried (I may have done too good a job at preparing him for his grabdna’s recent death...)

“I don’t want to grow hairs on my oenus when I get older” (recently)

having sensitively - with the aid of a good, age appropriate, book - explained how babies are made and born, him saying “ewww, I don’t want to EVER do that! Can you do that with [girlfriend’s name] instead please mummy?”

Thousands of others!

I have realised that it might not be DS, it might be my parenting...

[Rufusthebewilderedreindeer]

Dd asked tonight when pigs were invented



She is 16

[Rufusthebewilderedreindeer]

Shes gonna be living with me forever isnt she

[Speculoos]

ThinkAboutItTomorrow That made me laugh

[Onlyfools]

DS told everyone he met that Santa slept with mummy last night

[Onlyfools]

Ds stayed with my sister and they were getting ready for bed. She quickly changed her tshirt to pyjamas and he stood open mouthed and said “wow!!! My mummy’s aren’t like that!!!!” Talking about her big boobs. Mine are 32a

[Thatstheendofmytether]

Everytime we pass a graveyard my ds asks if we can go in he seems to be a bit obsessed with death

[HelloViroids]

Internet reveals Where Willy Went is a book about the facts of life (to clarify post upthread!)