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Are co-workers being extreme or is it me?

22 replies

forthelifeofpomme · 23/09/2018 10:34

I have to admit I am struggling a little with swallowing some of the stuff that goes on at work.. but others seem to be ok with it. It's getting to the point where I'm thinking of moving on, BUT if it's me, then I need to change me!

There are two people who come across as almost caricatures of themselves. The first is 'comedically' very pleased with herself all the time. She talks about herself without exception to the point of 'I'm looking good today, don't you think I look good today' or if not she goes into small details of her, for example, itchy ear complaint and running commentary on what the doctor said (and what time her appointment was, when she'll next see him etc etc). She tells us in detail of her holidays, what she wants to buy, what she has bought and brings photos up online to show us all again in Great Detail. We also get Great Detail about all aspects of her life: hair, nails, social life, love life, family life etc etc.
I have gone along with it as far as I can smiling and asking questions but it's probably not far enough tho as she doesn't seem to like me.

I have tried talking to her about other topics, but she shows no interest and absolutely no interest in me and my life (talks over me or walks away when I try).

The other colleague just puts me down all the time and treats me like a minion / servant / his personal staff. His requests are becoming outlandish and are starting to make me feel like I'm doing a shit job.

I can't really escape these two larger than life characters without hiding in cupboards.

I know I'm sensitive, but it's a long day to weather these personalities and I'm so sad when I go home. They make me feel so irrelevant.

Sadly, the boss has no interest in asking them to be more professional.

Any advice out there?

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Poppet1974 · 23/09/2018 10:47

Watching with interest, I have this exact situation except it is one colleague who talks constantly about herself and family.... I mean ALL THE TIME... she talks over everyone else and if anyone else on the team is talking to each other she inserts herself in the conversation, takes it over with another boring story about herself or extended family.
It sounds so minor written down but honestly it's the slow burn effect.
I've had two years of this and I'm now at breaking point.... she has ZERO self awareness .....
I sound horrible ... I'm not just very frustrated.... OP I feel your pain

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UnderMajorDomoMinor · 23/09/2018 10:48

Is put down man senior or in your line management chain?

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UnderMajorDomoMinor · 23/09/2018 10:49

I ask because if he’s in your line management chain it’ll be harder to deal with than if he isn’t.

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Maelstrop · 23/09/2018 10:53

Tell colleague she’s boring you. Have you actually said to her that you don’t want to listen to her shite? And as for minion treating you person, a quiet no to everything works wonders. Is he in charge of you? If not, you really can do this.

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forthelifeofpomme · 23/09/2018 10:58

How do you deal with it poppet? I have a feeling it's because (mine at least) is very under confident and needs to constantly boost herself to the detriment (and boredom) of those around her... but others think she's an absolute delight! I'm SO confused!

Hi Domo He's not a manager to me, but I am support staff to all I work with. So whilst that does mean I have to do things for them (and I'm happy to) he's sidestepping the systems put in place for me to manage my workload. So, for example, he will ask me to do something whilst in the middle of sorting something else out instead of using the computerised booking system.

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tinytemper66 · 23/09/2018 11:03

Then you tell him to follow procedures and you will get to it when you can. It isn't being rude or work shy , it is being assertive and helping you to do the best job.

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Oldraver · 23/09/2018 11:04

he will ask me to do something whilst in the middle of sorting something else out instead of using the computerised booking system

So you refer to the correct procedure each and every time..even if it were possible to do 'just this one thing'

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Deliphant · 23/09/2018 11:06

Wear earphones and listen to music so she/he can't go on at you?

Ask to moves offices.

Tell colleague he needs to use the computerised booking system...

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HollowTalk · 23/09/2018 11:08

I'd look for another job. You spend so much time at work and having good friends there make it all so much easier.

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picklepost · 23/09/2018 11:11

I don't think it's you, they found awful!

Honestly life is too short for this misery, can you start job hunting?

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forthelifeofpomme · 23/09/2018 11:13

Thanks pickle - job hunting now!!

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Lyinglow50 · 23/09/2018 11:14

I'm in an almost identical situation!!! So weird. I wear a headset and keep to myself as much as possible but it is really affecting me. The boss is a prick and has his favourite cronies. I have no solution but just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel.

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forthelifeofpomme · 23/09/2018 11:15

I guess the issue is that I implemented the computerised booking system, before they had a more informal set-up which I guess they preferred.

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forthelifeofpomme · 23/09/2018 11:16

lying low - I wish I could do this! Headphones not a possibility for me, I wish I could develop selective hearing!

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Cloudyapples · 23/09/2018 11:21

Send a staff wide email, not singling anyone out, reminding them of the booking procedure and saying ‘unfortunately, I will be unable to accept any work request not submitted through this system’

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UnderMajorDomoMinor · 23/09/2018 11:27

Ahah! You need to speak to your line manager and be very factual. ‘We have the system but I’m being pressured by some to side step it. This means XYZ is happening. I need your advice on how to push back on these requests and I need management to reinforce the system.’

I would focus on sorting pressure man first as he’s doing something he really shouldn’t and can be fixed.

With chatting lady you’re going to have to say ‘sorry Sandra I can’t chat now’ every time. Or ‘sorry guys but can you keep it down, I’m really concentrating on something right now.’ Is Sandra keeping up with her work? If not you could talk to your line manager about that. If not you’re going to have to develop ways to tolerate her chatting.

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Poppet1974 · 23/09/2018 11:30

Pomme..... Up to now I have
Politely listened and feigned interest but last week it was relentless so I put headphones in and pretended not to hear her.... will be doing more of that this coming week.
I am working on a project with her and she just talks... no action and is just a world of excuses when asked directly what we have done.
It's beyond irritating.

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Deliphant · 23/09/2018 11:35

I have gone along with it as far as I can smiling and asking questions but it's probably not far enough tho as she doesn't seem to like me.

I think if that's the case you are not obliged to go along with it. Grin
Sandra starts on, you just say uhuh every so often and get on with your work

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starzig · 23/09/2018 11:39

With the talkative one a would blatantly say ' sorry but I am just not interested and I am trying to work'

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Isleepinahedgefund · 23/09/2018 11:45

I think Great Detail colleague is a lot less of a worry than the one that treats you like a minion. He definitely needs sorting out first.

Your first mistake with Great Detail is asking questions. Do not engage! I’ve got one on these colleagues, has just started and fortunately is on a temp contract. People are actually working from home rather than sit in the office with her. Her thing is to hold forth about anything and everything, whether she knows anything about it or not, and in the most condescending manner. No one knows anything better than she does! I learned after the first time that if you engage, you get nothing done for the whole day. Plus her voice is really annoying and nothing she says is interesting. Aaaaaand.... breathe! Didn’t realise it annoyed me so much! I don’t like to be rude but I do cut her off or ignore her or walk off when she starts.

I have another irritating colleague - who goes on and on and on about how hard done by she is with the amount of work she has to do, management are setting her up to fail, it’s so unreasonable, blah blah blah - she’s doing the same job as the other five of us in the team with exactly the same work and workload! She gets really shitty when you point that out to her.

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forthelifeofpomme · 23/09/2018 11:50

Thank you MNers for the comments, you have bolstered my confidence.

I thought I just wanted to do a good job, but now I can admit that I wanted Sandra to like me and that's why I've been wasting my time pandering to her me-me-mes. I shall let the fledgling friendship go, let her get on with herself whilst I get on with my job.
As for assertive man, I shall endeavour to be more assertive back and stick with my system. Workload is a H&S issue, so if the sidestepping becomes habitual I shall refer my concerns to the (really rather important & therefore scary) H&S lady.

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Rudgie47 · 23/09/2018 12:01

Could you say to Sandra you really need to concentrate and could she be quiet please? I've known absolutely loads of people like this, not just at work. Or keep changing the subject absolutely every time, that's what I've done and turned my head away as well.
With the other one, if he started I would just tell him to stop being so rude and keep a diary and join the union as well.
If hes putting silly jobs onto you that are for him to do I'd just tell him, no its for you to do. It sounds to me that you are too nice and need to be more assertive.

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