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Threads started in this topic after 9th November 2018 will no longer be removed after 90 days. A new topic called 90 Days Only can be found in the Other Stuff category of Talk.

Mortified neighbour just congratulated me on my pregnancy....Im not pregnant.

(13 Posts)
QueenOfPharts Fri 10-Aug-18 22:52:08

Just this really. blushFor context I have 2 DCs 2 and 5. Im really short and had quite big babies... and now a distinct mum tum. I look a bit like a baked potato with legs and arms. I think I have that thing where the muscles have separated.
My neighbour is a retired midwife...so she knows a pregnant belly when she sees one- she also thinks I have that separated muscle thing.
I made it to the car and then cried all the way home. Ive cried a few more times since (in private). I have put on a bit of weight recently so maybe this making things worse. I have had this once before and vowed never to wear an empire waist dress again. I was dressed in a black top and black trousers and just thought I looked fat not pregnant. I never want to leave my house again or eat ever again.
Clearly I need to do something about it. Would physio help? Visiting my gp? Can anyone sympathise with me?

Haworthia Fri 10-Aug-18 22:56:28

Yes - get yourself a physio referral. It’s called diastasis recti and it’s never too late.

Pilates is good too, although make sure you find an instructor who knows what you can and can’t do with separated muscles.

I’m also short and had enormous pregnancy bumps. I’ll never have a truly flat tummy again (it’s not just the fucked up muscles, it’s the skin that can’t shrink back) so I know how it is.

Notcontent Fri 10-Aug-18 22:57:16

You poor thing. I am no expert but if you do have that thing with separated muscles then you should definitely get help - maybe speak to your GP in the first instance.

SisterNotCisTerf Fri 10-Aug-18 23:01:30

Ah silly woman should know better!! You never assume a woman is pregnant!!

FWIW- my mum is also a retired midwife and has done this exact same thing to a woman she knew. I was mortified when she did it. They must consider themselves experts in the pregnant belly to be so confident with their congratulations!

QueenOfPharts Sat 11-Aug-18 08:43:18

Thank you to everyone that got back to me. Yes @Haworthia diastasis recti-did you actually have it? Did physio help?
@notcontent Our gps are really strict and you can only mention 1 thing per appointment and I normally only go when Im at deaths door. I actually never thought of going to the gp with it though I cant bend down properly without severe cramping and muscle spasum also get bad lower back pain-though that could be to do with sitting on shitty chairs at work. The other reason Im not sure I want to go to the gp is I still havent decided whether I want to go for s 3rd dc so would getting it sorted out be a bit pointless?
@SisterNotCisTerf It does seem like a badge of honour amongst midwifes- spot the pregnant person and dont care who you offend. Theres no way I would do that!
My confidence has hit rock bottom and I'm having to pull on my big (control) girl pants off to a first birthday party with lots of skinnies and people I dont know then catching up with family that ive not seen in a while Im dreading anymore questions/implications as I will collapse into a weeping wrecksad

ManeNachger Sat 11-Aug-18 08:48:13

Hey, dont worry OP, its really no big deal - sure it stings, but I have had to laugh off this suggestion in the past. I know my friends have had it too - yoire not the only person who has had this comment. Sometimes bloating can make tummies look larger too.
See GP and lose weight if you want, but dont waste time crying about it - poor you OP!

Trills Sat 11-Aug-18 08:50:04

she knows a pregnant belly when she sees one

Well clearly not! Unless you think you might be pregnant without realising it.

nameinlights Sat 11-Aug-18 08:51:35

I've been offered a seat on the train when not pregnant. I understand that you feel embarrassed.

Babyitscoldouts1de Sat 11-Aug-18 09:05:42

I would recommend pilates too. I have diastasis recti and also didn't worry too much about fixing it after ds 1 as I wanted another child. Ds 2 is now here so I have no more excuses! But doing pilates in between meant that my back is so much better this time round.

I haven't tried physio. I have an excellent pilates teacher who really understands how the whole body interacts, so don't really see the point. My doctors only seem interested if they can throw a pill at it

Topseyt Sat 11-Aug-18 09:14:11

I'm sorry you had this. She was such an arse to say anything like that, midwife or not.

I don't know why people feel the need to comment publicly about other people's appearance. It is so rude.

I hope you actually told her that you weren't pregnant and watched her squirm. What a silly woman.

QueenOfPharts Sat 11-Aug-18 10:50:18

@ManeNachger and nameinlights it really a comfort to know this shit happens all the time. I havent discussed it with any of my rl friends or my dhblush im too embarrassed and I dont want to look like im fishing for compliments all my friends and family will be too nice and not truthful!
@Topseyt I do hate the constant scrutiny women's bodies are under. I do complement people when they look great but that has problems too do they look shit the rest of the time?!its always dangerous territory! Yes I told her, had to insist that I was just a bit fat actually so then I had the on the spot diagnosis from her of diastasis recti and for a severe case like mine she doesnt fancy my chances at getting it sortedconfused she honestly isnt a bad person just very forthright and shes right. I didnt make her feel bad I was genuinely interested in what she would recommend to sort it.
@babyitscoldouts1de and others that recommended I should look into Pilates I dont have a lot of free time as I work full time long hours far from home not leaving me any me time.

mayhew Sat 11-Aug-18 12:50:54

Pilates definitely is great. Check your teacher knows about diastisis recti. If your abdominal muscles are weak, you probably have back ache, this will improve.

Notinlalaland Sat 11-Aug-18 16:19:29

Feel your pain.
Had the same happen to me a couple of times. Think being short and bit overweight doesn't help. It's making me paranoid about all my clothes now. Just going to try and lose some weight. Sending you a hug.

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