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WWYD...friend and substance abuse

(8 Posts)
Fireworks91 Fri 10-Aug-18 22:48:11

A very long term friend (A) has been drinking a lot of late, with one person in particular who I don't know very well (B).

A's mum confided today that A and B have also been doing cocaine on a regular basis when their kids are asleep upstairs and have been having what she called 'intimate relations'.

A is married to another very good friend of mine who works away, apparently he had suspicions before he went and warned her that if she did anything with her he would consider it cheating as much as if it were with a man.

Mother does not know what to do, she's worried about saying anything for fear or being estranged but obviously is concerned about her daughter's health, her relationship, her kids etc.

WWYD? It is none of our business, but the mother is looking to us for help.

UpstartCrow Fri 10-Aug-18 22:52:45

There's nothing you can do to help, A's mother shouldn't be getting you involved. Its a mess and its not going to end well.

Fireworks91 Sat 11-Aug-18 07:33:13

The mum isn't the most confident and is worried about pushing her daughter away, she told us because we've been friends for a long time and I think she sees us as a 'steadying' influence.

But it is such a balance, if we don't say anything and just wait it out it might escalate, if we do say something we risk being pushed away.

If the kids know nothing about it is child welfare a concern? I'm grasping here but if they are careful drugwise is it legal etc?

If word is spreading it may well reach her husband soon enough.

Timeforabiscuit Sat 11-Aug-18 07:37:45

If A is a close friend, has she told you anything herself?, Id probably tell her that what shes been doing has been noticed, id straight up say I why I was worried - but id be prepared to lose the friendship.

The mum has put you in a crappy position - shoot the messenger is a saying for a reason!

Timeforabiscuit Sat 11-Aug-18 07:40:48

Drug wise - no, not legal! Cocaine binges can have hideous come downs too, you can read up on talktofrank.

It can be an expensive habit, does she have the money? If not drug debt might start creeping up, which carries different risks to the actual use.

Fireworks91 Sat 11-Aug-18 07:41:42

She spoke to me drunkenly a few months ago and said she was worried about her drinking, but has dodged the subject since. I don't see her as much as I used to, in part because I don't really drink I think.

Zoflorabore Sat 11-Aug-18 07:54:48

Please say something. In the small Close where I live there are 5 of my neighbours ( 2 couples and one husband from a house ) who are all addicted to cocaine.

It is well on the way to fully destroy their lives and in all cases, their relationships.

The come downs are horrendous. The cost is horrendous. I say this as i know one of the couples are borderline neglecting their dc. I've had many sleepless nights over them and have them for meals at mine a lot and invite them to play with dd as they're her best friends.

One person is so toxic and owes money to more people than she remembers. These are seemingly respectful people who have been taken over by cocaine.

It's a very very selfish drug. It seems socially acceptable to take it, one of the people even takes it with her mum who is approaching 60.

I'm at a loss as an onlooker. I can see things so clear and worry about them all.
Have been in the friendship group a long time and they hid it from me for a long time.

I'm not an angel, I've taken things in the past when younger and stupid. I'm definitely naive though as it's all been happening under my nose. Cars coming at all hours etc. Other neighbours must think something is up too.

It's a tough one op. here it's not even a weekend thing anymore, any night of the week ( sometimes every night ) will do.

Fireworks91 Sat 11-Aug-18 10:37:01

I don't know what to say tbh. Money isn't really a problem for her as her husband earns well and isn't around to see it get spent, but I don't know how B funds it.

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