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Can anyone help??

(5 Posts)
Speedybhoy Fri 10-Aug-18 20:07:45

I’ve been split from my sons mum since 2003 he’s going to be 19 this year and won’t speak to me as she’s been lying about me for years. 15 years and she’s still making up stuff about me ,she’s just recovered from breast cancer and I helped out a lot but still she tells people I beat her up when it was her who got violent. I have no idea how to get contact with my son again and I’m worried she’s been so poisonous it’s destroyed what used to be a great father and son relationship so I’m asking for a woman’s opinion as guys always just say wait and he’ll see for himself but I don’t want that I want to enjoy doing things with him again now before he thinks I’m not interested oh and I can’t go near the house as she also lied to the police so I’m screwed if I try

Wobble85 Fri 10-Aug-18 23:54:36

Wow that's a tricky one.
In sorry you currently don't have that relationship with your son.

It's vicious for any parent to lie to a child, no matter what their age.
It's not fair to play games, and that was really decent of not to help her as you did.
It's really tricky to give an answer to help you, I guess I can only sympathize really.
I think sometimes it really is just down to the child.

My son has only spent one weekend with his dad this year (he's 15) but that's completely his choice. We separated when our son was 2, (ex has more interest in my 'best' friend) but I couldn't imagine talking down about his dad. He's made all the effort, and more, than he should, but ultimately it's down to our son.

I hope your son will make contact with you soon. Liars always slip up and get found out. I'm sure your son will realize soon enough. I'm sorry that doesn't help you though

But fingers crossed for you

Seniorschoolmum Sat 11-Aug-18 00:14:09

Op, by saying you aren’t allowed near the house, do you mean there is a restraining order against you? If there is, breaching it won’t help at all.

If there is nothing to prevent you, do the basics. Birthday or Christmas card with a note saying how lovely it would be to catch up, and a phone number or email address.

But then leave it for ds to make the next move. If your ds wants to meet up, he will call. He may not want to see you but if he does, He will know how to contact you and will know you are still interested. After this amount of time, I think that’s all you can do. Don’t push or it may have the opposite effect. Be very gentle & patient. Good luck.

Speedybhoy Sat 11-Aug-18 15:53:48

Thanks for the replies it’s really appreciated, there’s no restraining order but she’s called the police so many times I know what will happen. I still send birthday and Christmas cards and tell him I’ll always be waiting for him to come and see me and that I love him , I just miss him so much, it almost feels like a death

Seniorschoolmum Sat 11-Aug-18 16:17:08

Any teenager will probably look for you on Facebook. So you could create a Facebook page for him to find, that shows what you do, sport, hobbies, friends... Then he’ll see what sort of person you are. That might be good too.

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