Talk

Advanced search

Threads started in this topic after 9th November 2018 will no longer be removed after 90 days. A new topic called 90 Days Only can be found in the Other Stuff category of Talk.

"Keep hitting with what you know is you." Can anyone beat this Impulse Body Spray blurb?

(41 Posts)
SheGotBetteDavisEyes Thu 09-Aug-18 19:49:04

Found today on Tesco grocery website. It's the kind of thing I might have written when I was 15 and sitting next to a burning incense stick, with a burning heart, and burning dreams, etc.

It made me laugh. Drunk copywriter? Shite copywriter? Who knows.

"Fresh tech, hi-tech, new tech. Love that new metallic scent. Smelling that sweet metal. Then rip it up and put some sticky, sweet whipped cream on it. Does it still work? Of course. But then you know that. You know it smells amazing. Smells real. Smells like you. Why? Cos you’re nailing it. Smashing it. Sparkling it. Doing everything to ‘it’ that ‘it’ can handle. Shimmer. Are they ready? They better be. You are.
Lemonade Technology? What? Yup. Tech lemons doing it like tech lemons do. Oh and peach blossom. Without the technology. But with added blossom. Dust it off with some caramel and get hit with the sweet smell of floral fruitiness. Hit hard. Hit strong. Hit right. Hit left. Keep hitting with what you know is you. And nobody else."

LBOCS2 Thu 09-Aug-18 20:04:31

The way it reads reminds me of this ad (which makes me laugh every time I see it).

https://youtu.be/owGykVbfgUE

Hamandcheesebaguette Thu 09-Aug-18 20:07:06

Oh dear.

As an aside though I've recently been sucked back into cheap body sprays as a nice way to freshen up a wee bit in the middle of the day without wasting my naice perfume.

Maybe I'm just yearning for my teenage years again

ScreamingValenta Thu 09-Aug-18 20:10:11

I think a nonsense blurb generator must have come up with that. I can't make head nor tail of it. Unless I'm just too old to get it!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes Thu 09-Aug-18 20:23:00

I can't link, so long-form I'm afraid but maybe the Burnt Marshmallow and Leather is more...erm...something.

*Put on the leather jacket. Yeah that one. You know exactly which one. The dark, worn textured part of you. Slowly take a walk up to that burning fire and throw some marshmallows over the raging flames. Toast them. Burn them. Make them sticky. Gooey. Warm inside. Melting everywhere. On everything. On your jacket. All over it. Sounds wrong. Together? But smells so, so right.
So who cares. Not you. You’re owning that. You’re owning it. It’s all you. The leathery marshmallow skin you wear. Or does it wear you?
You. The edge of sweetness. A tightrope razorblade of gooey marshmallow, spicy pink pepper, dark wood and musk you walk nonchalantly across. The sweet, sweet smell of dark exotic fruit enveloping you in it’s dark sugary clutch.
So go out there and be you. Go out there and trust your Impulse with the new Body Mist range of fragrances. Spray. Tick. Watermelon? Tick. Everything you need to be the best version of you. The best woman you can be. The best. Full stop*

It's brightening up doing a quick Tesco online shop grin

ScreamingValenta Thu 09-Aug-18 20:27:10

Right, so get marshmallow goo all over your favourite jacket, but it's fine because you're 'owning it'. confused.

MeanTangerine Thu 09-Aug-18 20:29:37

Varied sentence lengths and structures. Short sentences and fragments for impact. Directly addressing the reader. Rhetorical questions. Repetition. Alliteration. Metaphors.

I wonder if the person who wrote this passed GCSE English circa 2009. It takes me back...

SheGotBetteDavisEyes Thu 09-Aug-18 20:29:42

Yep, It’s all you. The leathery marshmallow skin you wear. Or does it wear you?

Does your leathery marshmallow skin wear you? Brilliant grin

ShirleyPhallus Thu 09-Aug-18 20:30:02

Sounds like those awful fucking nat west poetry adverts

MeanTangerine Thu 09-Aug-18 20:30:13

Well, studied, at least.

ScreamingValenta Thu 09-Aug-18 20:33:26

Perhaps E J Thribb has moved into advertising.

tectonicplates Thu 09-Aug-18 21:33:08

This is hilarious. grin

I hope the copywriter was deliberately taking the piss and coming up with the most ridiculous thing possible.

tectonicplates Thu 09-Aug-18 21:38:34

Also I bet the smell is fucking gross.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes Thu 09-Aug-18 21:50:21

Why? Cos you’re nailing it. Smashing it. Sparkling it. Doing everything to ‘it’ that ‘it’ can handle. Shimmer. Are they ready? They better be. You are

In my head, this is being delivered by a David Brent/Alan Partridge/Zoolander hybrid. grin

tectonicplates Thu 09-Aug-18 21:52:35

Here's the Tropical and Espresso one:

Not your cup of tea? Don't drink tea. Of course not. You're on a beach; whiffs of palm trees and coconut breeze. A bold cup of espresso it is. And somehow they smell great together. You’re on a beach. No wait, the beach is on you. Chill with bold orange flower, dry amber and patchouli. Then energise with a stiff shot of coffee lapping at the rocks. Tense. Sensual. Audacious. They are just words. But you are those words. And this tropical fragrance screams you. It shouts in your face. A mysterious and unpredictable burst of what you never thought possible. But everything is possible. Anything is possible. You’re possible. You are a burning burst of summer in a cold world of winter. But that’s just how it is. How you are.So go out there and be you. Go out there and trust your Impulse with the new Body Mist range of fragrances. Spray. Tick. Coconut? Tick. Everything you need to be the best version of you. The best woman you can be. The best. Full stop.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes Thu 09-Aug-18 22:01:35

You’re on a beach. No wait, the beach is on you

No,wait, YOU'RE the carcass grin.

If anyone's after a new user name, there are potentially some beauties here. If you see darksugaryclutch or peachblossomwithoutthetechnology knocking around tomorrow, say hi grin.

MeanTangerine Thu 09-Aug-18 22:19:32

You're possible.

Have I just been negged by a can of a Impulse?

Butterymuffin Thu 09-Aug-18 22:45:06

I'm also hearing all this in the voice of Alan Partridge.

EyeDrops Thu 09-Aug-18 23:36:40

🤣🤣 These are phenomenal! I thought the first one was a piss-take, you're telling me these are the actual product tag lines? I LOVE THEM.

tectonicplates Fri 10-Aug-18 11:26:10

I'm glad to be told I'm possible. It makes me feel validated. grin

tectonicplates Fri 10-Aug-18 19:21:44

Just bumping this again for the Friday evening crowd as it made me laugh smile

EyeDrops Fri 10-Aug-18 22:35:57

I found another!! 'White lace plus muddy grass':

"Ankle deep in mud & it just stopped raining. You are buried, breathing in the clean, sparkling rain fresh air. The torn muddy grass drifting through the air as you drink it deeply.
And now that crisp white dress, so soft against your skin, so pure in a sea of earth, isn’t so white. Not anymore. No. Now it’s one with the ground. One with the grass. And somehow, it still works. Somehow you make this work. Somehow it’s better. Nature and fashion colliding in a frenzied sea of beauty.
It’s a festival of fragrance. It’s big. Too big for some. But not you. Let yourself go with playful tangerine and heart of freesia, all wrapped in the warm musk of dry down. It’s fresh. It’s bright. It’s totally you today. Tomorrow. Any. Single. Day. You. Want.
So go out there and be you. Go out there and trust your Impulse with the new Body Mist range of fragrances. Spray. Tick. Citrus? Tick. Everything you need to be the best version of you. The best woman you can be. The best. Full stop."

SheGotBetteDavisEyes Fri 10-Aug-18 22:38:21

Thanks tectonic. It's so utterly barking. It keeps making me laugh anew. grin

Put on the leather jacket. Yeah that one. You know exactly which one. The dark, worn textured part of you.

Just brilliant. I'm just going to drag the dark, worn, textured part of me to the fridge for a glass of Friday wine. This deserves it.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes Fri 10-Aug-18 22:39:39

Oh great work EyeDrops grin.

EyeDrops Fri 10-Aug-18 22:39:43

"Purple sunset and a smoky haze hang over the city. Everything is on fire. Sweet flower petals fill the air and all you want is to kiss the burning sky. Let the flames lick at your lips. They want you. And you want them.
So why not? Why not embrace the purple swirling passion as it builds in the smouldering wreckage of the sky? It smells incredible. It feels better. You know what’s right. And what’s right is this.
The smoky purple haze runs deep. Crisp nectarine rising in a rich floral heart. Dive into the freshness of the woods and let the Jasmine run it’s fingers through you. There is no reason why you shouldn’t. It smells incredible. No. You smell incredible. Rise for your rights and let it be!"

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: