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Whooping fibs your dc have told and could have had you shot! (light hearted)

(31 Posts)
Sweetsongbird1 Thu 09-Aug-18 13:30:19

Name changed as have family on here and could out me!

After a conversation with my friend it got me thinking of the whoopers my dc have told when they were little, that could have gotten me hung drawn and quartered!

Have your little snowflakes done the same ?

Here’s a few I can remember -

Dd2 told nursery when they enquired about her black eye, she was 3. She told then her dad had punched her in the face! In reality she had been hanging round me like a bloody shadow and when I lifted a glass jug out of the fridge, full of juice as I brought my arm down it hid her in the face as she was under my elbow . Writing out the accident report form at nursery was awful 🙈

Dd1 - I was buttering a sandwich whilst telling her off (8 at the time) and as I was talking to her I was using my hand with the butter knife in to express my point. (Possibly waving it around but absolutely none aggressively) she is still convinced to this day 15 years later I was threatening her with the knife . ffs!

My dB (5 at the time told his nursery teacher his dad was sticking pins in his eyes 😱 I remember him getting pulling in to school 🙈

Can you match these !

Jammiebammie Thu 09-Aug-18 13:39:31

My dd1 many moons ago, told her nursery teachers that her dad came into her room touching his willy! In actual fact, I’d put the clean washing basket in her room and hadn’t put it away yet, dh went in to get pants after a bath and was covering his willy with his hand!

Same dd told her teacher that dh fancied her (which was actually true!) dh couldn’t look her in the eye after that one grin

ruby1234 Thu 09-Aug-18 13:44:51

Some years ago now - DD of a friend..

She had massive 'bruises' on the backs of her legs under her knees. Nursery asked what she had done and she told them daddy had hit her with a stick. (Said daddy was a high up social worker).
Shit hit fan and daddy was questioned about the incident.
Turns out the 'bruises' were black marks where the DD had her name written in her wellies - the ink had run when she got wet and stained her legs.

Groovee Thu 09-Aug-18 13:47:27

My niece told a student at school that she used to live abroad and that she loved it there. Student asked why she had moved back here. She told this huge elaborate story about her parents being killed. She had been returned to stay with family. Poor student was so upset. It took the teacher the whole of lunchtime to make sense of the student.

Teacher had words with my niece. Then pulled her mum up. Fortunately the teacher and mum had a good relationship. Niece couldn't understand the issue! Shame she's doing law instead of drama really!

Rufustheyawningreindeer Thu 09-Aug-18 13:47:59

My dc have told people i smack them with a wooden spoon

Dd thinks it's awfully fun to say things like

Please dont hit me anymore, or please dont yell at me anymore

Sometimes she pretends to be crying over something ive said and says stuff like...i know you think im stupid you dont have to say it all the time

Its fucking irritating...especially as she is quite the actress and can be very very believable

Rufustheyawningreindeer Thu 09-Aug-18 13:48:28

Oh sorry

All this is in public, in shops or at the beach

Anywhere really

SteamingPistons Thu 09-Aug-18 13:51:37

My son has shouted at me to stop hitting him and told daddy I hit him too! (Obviously I haven't so couldn't understand why he'd say it?!)

ReevaDiva Thu 09-Aug-18 13:54:03

My son told his class that I make adult movies!

He's 5, I still don't even know what he meant by that phrase.

PS: I really, really don't.

LongSummerDays Thu 09-Aug-18 14:05:21

My ds was walking in front of me and tripped. I tried to save him forgetting I had a carrier bag of shopping on my wrist, the bag swung back and then forward knocking him totally off his feet and into a small brick wall.

At a&e he told them that I had hit him over the head with a bottle. blush

Mamansparkles Thu 09-Aug-18 14:11:26

Aged 18 months my daughter tried to be allowed to stay longer at nursery (which she loves) by shouting "not my daddy!" as my poor DH carried her out. Since he picks her up every single day and nursery workers know him, they just thought it was hilarious.

Sweetsongbird1 Thu 09-Aug-18 14:18:05

These are brilliant grin

Reeva you know the teachers have discussed that in the staff room grin

jammy dh still walks about naked and I keep telling him off for it because of things like that !

Sweetsongbird1 Thu 09-Aug-18 14:19:24

Long 😱

HerRoyalNotness Thu 09-Aug-18 14:30:35

DS2 has scraped his face very badly At the park jumping between rocks. He fell and landed on his face.

He was very conscious of it and at school when his teacher asked what happened. He said very sadly, not looking her in the eye “I don’t want to talk about it”

The school nurse had phoned me that day and mentioned his face in passing and asked what’s happened. It wasn’t until he got home from school and told me the above that I clicked she was calling to see if our stories matched!

Juanbablo Thu 09-Aug-18 16:36:34

Ds1 once told my nan I had punched him in the face. Thankfully she knows I would never do anything like that.

ReevaDiva Thu 09-Aug-18 17:49:33

@Sweetsongbird1 his teacher emailed me pissing herself laughing grin

everycowandagain Thu 09-Aug-18 17:59:01

DD, aged 3, was having a strop sitting on the stairs. I walked past her and may have slightly brushed her on the way past. She became hysterical and ran upstairs to tell DH, between massive angry sobs, that "Mummy kicked me and pushed me down the stairs!".

TrevorTheWeather Thu 09-Aug-18 18:22:43

Some years ago my ds, then aged about six, wanted a sherbet fountain just before bed. DH told him no because it is full of sugar and you'll be awake half the night.

He went to school the next day and told them that Daddy gave him white powder that kept him awake all night. First we knew of it was when the police were at the door. DH was arrested on suspicion of supplying class A drugs and interviewed, DS was interviewed, which was recorded and my house was thoroughly searched! Obviously it all came to nothing because it wasn't true and ds failed to repeat his claims in the interview but it's not a day we're likely to ever forget.

HerRoyalNotness Thu 09-Aug-18 18:31:28

trevor OMGshock

LlamaPyjamas Thu 09-Aug-18 18:44:43

Technically not a fib... my DM had a bbq while babysitting and apparently DC1 (and cousins) went round asking people “What are you drinking? Can I dip my finger in to taste?” Then DC1 went to school and wrote a story that said “My Gran had a bbq and I had whisky and gin and beer and sherry and cider and wine”. Teacher was horrified and it wasn’t until I was pulled in to discuss and phoned my DM that the situation was clarified!

GertrudeCB Thu 09-Aug-18 18:54:13

Ds told his nursery worker that his hospital stay was because" the pizza you made us made me poorly sad"
Poor woman was beside herself and phoned me up to check - He'd had gastroenteritis ( which he passed to DH and me 😷)

GratedCarrotStick Thu 09-Aug-18 19:11:08

More of a misunderstanding than a fib. When I was about 4 or 5 we were having a discussion about what our parents did for a living. I told my teacher my daddy went away in his lorry and brought back alcohol and cigarettes. I can still see my teacher's shocked and confused expression. Df thought it was hilarious dm was horrified. Of course the alcohol and cigarettes were duty free.

Strawberrybelly Thu 09-Aug-18 19:18:16

Trevor that is so bad. 😱

Sweetsongbird1 Thu 09-Aug-18 19:22:39

Trevor shit ! 😱

Ahardmanisgoodtofind Thu 09-Aug-18 19:27:10

Outing but My ds told his whole school assembly that mummy works in a "gentlemans club" complete with air quotes. Teacher pulled me to one side very awkwardly trying to ask if I was an "exotic dancer". I work in a members only club/pub.

Donthugmeimscared Thu 09-Aug-18 19:29:40

I got called into the school to be asked why I hadn't let them know about my move to a nearby town. I had no idea what they were talking about. It turns out my then 6yr old had made up a whole story of us moving to her nans road, named the local school she was going to and even the house number. The teacher couldn't believe how convincing she was.

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