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I just got besieged by seagulls

(119 Posts)
LanguidLobster Sat 21-Jul-18 13:40:34

I got a tuna sandwich, coffee and cake for lunch, and went and sat by the river.

Bastards suddenly surrounded me and I screamed, threw my purse and my coffee at them (missed) and had to run.

What is it, a flock of seagulls? Should be a plague of seagulls. I managed one half of my sandwich which I held onto tenaciously but the fuckwits got the rest then kicked around the wrapping like ASBO thugs.

No idea why they're protected, they're thriving.

tectonicplates Sat 21-Jul-18 13:41:58

Seagulls are little bastards, aren't they.

RonniePickering Sat 21-Jul-18 13:44:50

They're scary bastards when they swoop down close.

In the news this week one nicked a man's chip and the fucker swung it by its legs into a wall in front of children, arsehole angry

LanguidLobster Sat 21-Jul-18 13:59:21

Just worked out the collective noun should be a thuggery of seagulls.

I really enjoy relaxing by the river and having a snack, can't think what I could take to deter them angry

9amTrain Sat 21-Jul-18 14:06:33

A flamethrower.

LanguidLobster Sat 21-Jul-18 14:07:46

Oh I remember you from another thread. Your services are required!

9amTrain Sat 21-Jul-18 14:14:28

Haha I remember! I think that was my advice before too! What was the issue then?

MeanTangerine Sat 21-Jul-18 14:16:08

They're nesting on rooftops round our way - and get aggressive at everyone who has the audacity to approach their nests/walk down the street minding their own business (delete depending on whether you are a seagull or a human). "Aggressive" means very loud shrieking (midnight, 4 am, whenever) and fly bys closer enough to feel the air move as they go.

I am aware it's illegal to disturb any birds' nest in this country. Once breeding season is over I think we will all be getting our chimney cages replaced.

Sky bastards.

MeanTangerine Sat 21-Jul-18 14:16:30

An umbrella to hide your food?

LEMtheoriginal Sat 21-Jul-18 14:16:59

I can categorically state you were not besieged by seagulls as there is no such thing! This has been drummed into me by my colleague who isa bird expert. They are gulls of various forms and do not live on or in the sea. I forget them amount of times she has whacked me for calling them seagulls. I am a vet nurse and as such have to deal with them regularly. I love them but they are indeed thieving bastards

TSSDNCOP Sat 21-Jul-18 14:21:03

I saw one at the beach swoop down, steal a chicken drumstick and eat it mid-flight. Watching it swallow it was envybut as we reflected, Karma was going to rain righteous horror on its arse on the way out.

LanguidLobster Sat 21-Jul-18 14:25:13

I've been whacked before for calling them seagulls but don't know the various types! I just use it as a generic term. Think herring gulls are the ones endangered (allegedly, I have a hard time imagining any of the fuckwits are poor little precious souls).

Mean same as me. I do live on the coast but they're on our residential street.

9amTrain...hmmm...was it a weather one? Definitely flamethrowers though!

I escaped with my cake and had to go back afterwards to retrieve my purse but felt bitter about the coffee and half sandwich

9amTrain Sat 21-Jul-18 14:53:26

That's the first I've heard of them not being called seagulls!

Becca19962014 Sat 21-Jul-18 15:01:19

Here they're called flying shitbags that are directly related to pterodactyls - not an official RSPB designation!!

They are huge (fed on chips by tourists and cake by a woman who lives by the sea - I'm serious she bakes cakes for them) and they rip anything that looks like it might have food (carrying a carrier bag? You could end up needing stitches) buy fish and chips? They'll attack to get the chips. There have been calls to cull them (when the council found out they're actually a protected species!! If anything ever did not need to be protected it's these monsters).

They can even get in wheelie bins that aren't locked.

When someone I was at uni with visited a couple of weeks ago they were shocked at the size of them. They are, truely, frightening.

Peoplemaynoticeus Sat 21-Jul-18 15:04:49

I love seagulls they are my favourite bird <unhelpful> grin

hmmwhatatodo Sat 21-Jul-18 15:11:07

Horrid things. They were going for people one year when I was on holiday. We got fish and chips to have in the lovely park. Had to wrap them up and make a run for it. We actually had to hide in some cave thing at one point to hide from them til they moved on. Had to sneak th fish and chips into the hotel we were staying in as there was nowhere safe outside to sit. They are actually quite scary!

LanguidLobster Sat 21-Jul-18 15:16:36

People!!! Why do you like them? I phoned an ex after they tried to attack my cat and he was saying how much he loved them, 'they're like little gentlemen'. So I said quite steelily 'they attacked my cat' and he backpeddled furiously.

Umbrella is a good idea Mean, they're never taking my lunch from a posh organic bakery with organic salad leaves again. I'll practice my aim with coffee. Umbrella is something you can carry around in public, even if you look daft.

I noticed they rejected the salad, philistines <haughty nose in air>

ShakespeareanQuotations Sat 21-Jul-18 15:23:05

I used to live there. My mum lives there now so I really should go down and visit. It's a shame that seagulls have taken over. It used to be the swans that I was scared of.

Peoplemaynoticeus Sat 21-Jul-18 15:32:22

Maybe because i'm vegan a weirdo but they have the most beautiful faces blush if i had another child i would call them gully grin

BoomBox Sat 21-Jul-18 16:34:12

It’s because idiots feed them, despite signs in many places tourist telling people not to feed them.

LanguidLobster Sat 21-Jul-18 16:37:48

BoomBox I think they feed themselves. They hijacked my sandwich earlier and god knows what they pick out of the bins.

Can't be very healthy for them, they're supposed to survive on fish (no wonder they're mental if they're eating yogurt cartons and discarded kebabs)

cantstandup Sat 21-Jul-18 16:42:51

The tourists this time of year make it so easy for them that they get brave and mobbish.

Pop to the creamery for some ice cream with clotted cream on top to cheer yourself up!

LanguidLobster Sat 21-Jul-18 16:46:29

cantstandup they'd probably nick that as well.

Any veneer of trust is now gone (although coffee appears safe)

RafaIsTheKingOfClay Sat 21-Jul-18 16:54:07

Ours are brave and mobish all year. Can only assume the people who decided they should be protected have never met one.

MilkybarGrownup Sat 21-Jul-18 17:01:31

My husband and his workmates were attacked everyday by nesting gulls a couple of years ago. Some people actually got injured but most just got shat on as they passed through the area as that was the attack of choice for those nasty flying beasts. It was funny at first but it got quite vicious and management had to escort the workers with umbrellas and big sticks. Awful creatures.

They also attacked our car once, absolutely covering it in shit because we apparently dared to park in a car park they were nesting in. We couldn't leave until we cleaned it off with screen wash and baby wipes because we couldn't see out the windows!

I can almost.. almost... see why that chap in the news battered one to death.

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