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Threads started in this topic after 9th November 2018 will no longer be removed after 90 days. A new topic called 90 Days Only can be found in the Other Stuff category of Talk.

Do you have a goal/dream?

(33 Posts)
Gohackyourself Thu 12-Jul-18 06:58:46

I’m at a loss of having a goal/dream to achieve -
Let me explain .... for years I’d been in an awful marriage bringing kids up, full time shift work , absent husband.

Got marriage sorted ( he cheated, we ended) and was lone parent for years, no time for self etc
Met my new partner now of 2 years and life is ok.BUT I’ve kinda lost who I am, what I do/like and where I want to be/be doing.
I managed to get flexi working so got some consistency with work now (still full time though)
My oldest ds is off to uni in sept, so just ds11 at home who is getting to age where can leave him for hr, or dp could assist.

So what do I bloody do?! I have never had hobbies/classes (due to shift work) I’m not creative ( can’t sew a button)
It’s like I have no interests An time/life just passing me by just by working.....obviously we all want more money, nice homes, all the material things - but I need something for heart/body/mind

Inspire me MN ?!

toolazytothinkofausername Thu 12-Jul-18 07:19:07

I've also lost myself. Following this thread!

Gohackyourself Thu 12-Jul-18 07:57:02

In the same way toolazy?

I know people are going to ask me “ well what do you like doing? Do more of that”

My life has revolved around going to work, coming home, cooking tea/homework , food shopping and doing things the kids like”!!
I literally don’t know what I like!
My job involves being on feet/standing/moving all day for 8-9 hrs, sometimes it’s a battle of physical an mental energy just to get to end of day that I kinda slump after all the jobs are done.

Howmanysleepstilchristmas Thu 12-Jul-18 08:13:02

Too many dc to do much at the moment, but I used to love running and horse riding. If I had all the time in the world I’ve always wanted to write a novel (even if not published!) but think that’s on hold for at least 15 years!

Gohackyourself Thu 12-Jul-18 08:27:56

I like reading , but sometimes I cannot quiet my mind enough to read, then end up on here just reading! I always have a book on the go.but I’d never write one:-(
I like walking , but since it’s mainly evenings I’m free there’s no walking partners or groups.
I struggle with s.a.d in winter, so I kinda feel I’m wasting my time in summer when could be enjoying it!

LikesAnimalPark Thu 12-Jul-18 09:00:22

I think coming out of Survival Mode feels this way to a lot of people. You're so busy each hour, day, week that it all blurs and then you're out the other end, disoriented and lost. If you can get an hour or 2 each week to yourself, try just going with the flow and you'll soon find out what you don't want to do. Ruling out activities helps. I use my spare time to clean and take a walk, some will think that is really sad, but the rest of the time I'm a very full-on carer for my autistic son and this is how I unwind and get my head on straight again.

I feel sorry for kids growing up today. So much crap on Youtube etc. about chasing your dreams, getting out of the rat race but lets face it, not everyone can travel the world for free as an "influencer" while having a "passive income" of a property to let in absence and income from youtube subs and selling an e-book about becoming an influencer! It is enough by far to feel content with the people we love, working hard but also then having money to eat and pay off a mortgage by retirement - the old fashioned goals and dreams!

Gohackyourself Thu 12-Jul-18 09:58:04

Likesanimal- yes I think definitely coming out of survival mode is what it is.
It’s like I’ve got a chance to breathe.

Maybe I just need to walk a mile or two as starting point!

Gohackyourself Thu 12-Jul-18 12:13:58

Anyone?? Goals am dreams?

MalcolmsBrokenWalrusMoneybox Thu 12-Jul-18 13:50:56

I've started looking at "the artist's way" which, warning if you'd find it off-putting has a lot about spirituality in it (although the author actually suggests changing whenever she puts "God" to "good orderly direction).
One of the tools is the" morning pages" - write 3 private pages every morning whether you feel like it or not, even if you are just writing things like" this is stupid, can't think what to write, need to post that letter, why am I doing this, why am I doing this", and to take yourself on "an artists date" every week. This could be trying a new class, watching a movie, going bowling, visiting a museum or a farmers market. Something you can look back on & know you did something nice for yourself every week (even if you didn't enjoy it!).

MalcolmsBrokenWalrusMoneybox Thu 12-Jul-18 13:52:36

The point of the morning pages is to see what issues constantly crop up, and seeing what resolutions our minds might come up with.

Gohackyourself Thu 12-Jul-18 20:08:01

Malcom,
Maybe an idea but actually want an insight/inspiration as to what/when/why how others have goals or dreams in amongst their day to day life- see if I’m overlooking something !

oojamaflipsy Thu 12-Jul-18 23:00:35

Would your working hours now allow you to do an evening class, or is it still tricky?

Have you thought about learning a language?

Or doing a sprint/super-sprint triathlon?

Or running - maybe sign up for a 5km race (or more depending on your fitness)?

tigercub50 Thu 12-Jul-18 23:09:26

Mine was trying to get to black belt in karate before I was 50. Now my goal is to try to relax, stop fretting about every little thing & do more of what makes me happy. I love reading but can’t remember the last time I just sat down & lost myself in a book. I love NT properties too so will take myself off to one with a beautiful garden & read there 🙂

NorthEndGal Thu 12-Jul-18 23:10:08

Are you near a shore? I am a sea glass Hunter, and spend hundreds of gmhours combing the beaches, and making stuff with what I find

stressedoutpa Thu 12-Jul-18 23:14:39

What did you do when you were a child?

I spent lots of time on my own and was very creative, drawing, painting, always making things. I don't do any of that now but know I should.

Svanhildur Thu 12-Jul-18 23:19:24

My short term goal is to get my second citizenship. This is simply a matter of admin but I've been 'too busy' to get it sorted for too long.

My long term dream, I guess I can't call it a goal because I don't really have a plan for working towards it, is to translate a novel. I am a translator but not a literary translator and I'd just love to do a novel one day.

PoptartPoptart Thu 12-Jul-18 23:54:59

I’m 40 with young teen DC.
I have decided on a complete change of career. I’m starting a part time uni course in September with the goal of getting a degree in 3 years time and getting myself my dream job.
I’ve dithered about for years thinking about doing this and it’s now or never for me.
I figure I’ll only be 43 when I qualify, with a whopping 20+ years of work ahead of me, so I might as well spend that time doing something I’m passionate about.
I’ve spent the last two decades putting everyone else's needs first and now it’s my turn!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Fri 13-Jul-18 05:19:51

If I were you I’d do an open learning course. Have a look through and see what sparks your interest. Just finding what areas you’re attracted to might lead to a hobby or meet up group.

I love studying. I’d like to get back and finish off my second masters degree but I don’t have time or money for it right now. And there would be no new career. It’s niche and just for fun.

Then my next goal would be to get a degree in art history. Just for fun.

If only I had unlimited time and money (said everyone ever smile).

Gohackyourself Fri 13-Jul-18 05:34:07

Tigercub, did you get the black belt?

North end- sadly no, but I love the sea!
I don’t see myself studying , I’m a hands on practical learner. I’d love to have time/money to be a nurse /midwife but that will only come about if I got made redundant .
My job is frontline an so mentally demanding, so I guess a goal or dream needs to be easy to achieve.

I guess I should just try to achieve taking the vitamins I bought for a week constant, lol lol that would be a goal!

These are interesting though

DinosApple Fri 13-Jul-18 05:43:18

I'm in the thick of survival mode right now. When things change and I have time, in this order:
Declutter, tidy and organise home
Children, just be there for them (primary age), support them more and just be an 'on it' mum instead of working all hours.
DIY jobs- fill cracks, decorate, put pictures o the wall etc
Get fit.
Take a degree or convert my diploma too an MA.

Gohackyourself Fri 13-Jul-18 06:51:42

Survival mode is hard, I’m definitely not out of it yet either.
But as each year goes by the 100% attention level and eyes don’t have to be solely on ds.
I’ve got 3 dogs that need walking but atm with the heat it feels like a chore rather than fun.
I guess I’ve lost the ability to have fun, that’s what you loose in survival mode.everything feels temporary because when your having a moment of fun, it’s back to work within hours!

Stefoscope Fri 13-Jul-18 08:33:45

I'd start by looking at your options with the sorts of activities you've mentioned. Local book clubs, (dog) walking/running clubs. Check on the meetup.com website to see if there's anything you like the sound of. Could you challenge yourself to visit somewhere new every month or so, maybe invite along a friend for a catch up?

Immigrantsong Fri 13-Jul-18 08:39:28

Like Rapunzel from Tangled I too have a dream. I dream of finding a good cleaner and streamlining life. We are on survival mode at the moment with a baby and a school aged kid and would love a clean and tidy home, freshly cooked food and more quality time as a family and a few dates with my DH. None of this is happening at the moment as I am unwell alongside the baby. Arghhhh!

oojamaflipsy Fri 13-Jul-18 08:53:34

If you're a hands-on practical learner, have you thought about learning circus skills? Great fun and a real challenge! Obviously lots more fun if there's a group/club nearby, but it's also something you can just practise in your own home. (I mean the small stuff eg juggling, not trapeze etc!)

A dog-walking group also sounds like a great idea.

mrsnec Fri 13-Jul-18 08:59:31

I only had very basic goals and dreams when I was young. I wanted to travel, go to university, and own my own home. I achieved that at 21 and then thought what now.

I coasted through my 20's then married at 30 and moved abroad. I now have 2 young children who will both be at nursery soon and I will have time on my hands and I feel the same.

I'm thinking of some kind of distance learning. I didn't get anything out of university and think a degree might be a bit much so I might start with an online TEFL certificate.

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