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Home educated child thinking of going back to school...feeling unsettled

(6 Posts)
HellenaHandbasket Wed 11-Jul-18 22:47:52

We removed our now 8 yr old daughter over 2.5 yrs ago as she was massively unhappy and anxious. It was a very positive choice, and she has thrived. She's still shy around strangers, but is self assured, strong and determined.

Out of the blue the other night she started a conversation about school, and indicated that she might like to try again . We have played it cool and just encouraged her to think through pros and cons, reinforced that we will absolutely support and facilitate any decision that she makes but that if she goes back, she has to give it a jolly good shot and not change her mind after a fortnight for example.

As such, we contacted her old school who have a place for her in her old class, with her friendship group. It's a lovely school that we trust. We are going to visit tomorrow, meet the teacher etc so she can make an informed decision.

I just feel sick about it though. What if she struggles? What if her new found confidence is knocked? What if people are mean to her? Home ed isn't perfect, but I knew 100% that she was emotionally safe and secure. I know there will be things she will be 'behind' on which is fine, but what if that knocks her? We are so established in our routine that even though she is a right pain in the arse it'll be weird without her. Her brother will be lost without her, he's only 21 months younger and they're super close.

On a selfish note, I feel like this tells me we weren't doing a good enough job. I know this is irrational, she is spreading her wings and this may well be a compliment to us. She has a lovely, lovely life.

I'm trying to think positive...this could well be a fabulous thing for her. Her brother (and the baby later) may well decide to go and then I can return to work if I want. I may have a wee in peace. Someone else will bear the responsibility. She may well decide not to.

Anyway. This is a pointless stream of consciousness as I can't really talk to anyone else. Home edders get a bit defensive and assume it is something silly drawing her in, like school shoes or lunch boxes, and non home edders don't always get why she was out in the first place. 😂 Dh is very much of the same mind as me, and thinks that she is showing real maturity and just to trust her. But 😂😭😬

BiffyBin Wed 11-Jul-18 22:53:40

No wonder you're nervous- it's a bit like her first day all over again.

Try and think about the positives.
She will make more friends.
She will enjoy the last few weeks of term. etc.

Good luck.

Shednik Wed 11-Jul-18 22:59:17

My child entered year 5 from home ed.
He was fine.

It doesn't mean you're not doing a good enough job. It means you gave done an excellent job in giving her the confidence and self assurance to own her decisions about her education.

HellenaHandbasket Wed 11-Jul-18 23:04:20

Thank you both. Dh also made the point that it shows she is taking responsibility and ownership over her education which can't be a bad thing. Rationally I know all that but...my baby! 😭😂

Leeds2 Wed 11-Jul-18 23:50:51

Have whatever issues that made her massively unhappy enough to withdraw her from school been resolved?

Semster Thu 12-Jul-18 01:01:40

A friend home edded her three children until a few years ago, when they all went into the local school.

Two have done fine in school, one not so well. The one who hasn't done so well has chosen to reduce her school hours, and is currently doing a mix of school and home ed.

Lots of other friends who home ed have tried various options - home ed, online school, flexi-schooling, Open University as they've got older.

It sounds like you are very open to working out what is best for your children. Don't feel like a failure - look for ways you can help them find the right path.

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