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Suspended from work and feeling pretty crap

(286 Posts)
ilovemybath Sat 07-Jul-18 23:42:24

Obviously I can't explain why as there's a big investigation going on, but I've been suspended from work this week. I haven't done anything wrong, a situation has been misinterpreted and incorrectly documented. However, I'm pretty sure they want rid of me and my big mouth; and I'm considering resigning. I can't cope with the thought of an investigation dragging on for months with the same outcome.

So. I'm sitting at home doing nothing, with no end in sight. I can't talk to my colleagues or go near my workplace. Nearly every friend I have, I met in work at some point. I can't talk to them, or even tell them why I can't talk to them. My manager has told them I'm off sick, so I'm getting a million messages that I have to ignore. They've even said I can't tell my family why I'm not in work.

I'm also starting to wallow in self pity about my other general failures - divorce, child in MH services as a result, new relationship now in doubt due to same reasons, crashed my car, shitty house compared to my friends, oh and did I mention, I have no friends left?

I turn to you, lovely people of mumsnet, to help me feel a bit less shit about myself, and for a bit of hand holding and solidarity. And maybe even a plan for my future.

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown Sun 08-Jul-18 00:01:41

Of course you can tell your family and friends. Don't keep your thoughts on this bottled up, you need someone to chat too!

ilovemybath Sun 08-Jul-18 00:04:38

The letter they gave me told me it's a disciplinary offence in itself and will lead to dismissal.

I know they can probably not find out, but having serious trust issues right now!

ilovemybath Sun 08-Jul-18 00:07:04

I'd been seeing someone for a while from a different department. I've avoided him all week but I need to come up with a plan on that one!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 08-Jul-18 00:07:46

They're not living in the real world by saying you can't talk to anyone about it. Every one talks on their own home. FFS you're not bugged

ilovemybath Sun 08-Jul-18 00:14:22

I've told my best mate. I wouldn't tell my parents or kids anyway so that's fine.

It's the friends issue. I'm really missing everyone that I have spent every day with for the last ten years. The kind of friends you go out with at night, text when your feeling shit, are on group chat together (which I've had to leave).

CherryPavlova Sun 08-Jul-18 00:19:49

You’ve been suspended pending investigation. Your colleagues can’t really become involved and have to remain detached.
Doesn’t you’d employer have a helpline? Might be worth a call.
There is no law in the land that would stop you speaking with a friend but you might find those friendships vaporise in turbulent times.

ilovemybath Sun 08-Jul-18 00:23:35

A helpline for what?

They did suggest staff counselling, but as I'm not allowed on the premises, that won't really work ffs.

ilovemybath Sun 08-Jul-18 00:24:53

My colleagues are my friends. Even if they work in a different dept now, I still can't talk to them. I have very few non work related friends.

Justtheonequestion Sun 08-Jul-18 00:25:40

Don't resign. Especially as you've done nothing wrong. Keep going and hold your head up high.
Use it as a lesson to never put your eggs in one basket when it comes to friends.

nocoolnamesleft Sun 08-Jul-18 00:27:38

Trade union?

ilovemybath Sun 08-Jul-18 00:27:41

It's just how it's happened over the years, working shifts, losing friends since the divorce, no-one else quite gets your life...

ilovemybath Sun 08-Jul-18 00:28:42

Yes I have the union involved. He's excellent. It'll still go on for months though, and that's a horrible thought.

Katearty Sun 08-Jul-18 00:28:54

They absolutely can't tell you whom you can and can't discuss with. I'd sick legal advice. You are by law entitled to someone in a meeting with you. Usually a colleague

Itscurtainsforyou Sun 08-Jul-18 00:32:51

That's a horrible situation, I'm really sorry.

If you think they want you out, in your shoes I'd use this time to update your CV, maybe explore some training courses that might improve your chances and look for another job.

Or, spend time doing stuff you enjoy - its not often you get paid time off so make the most of it.

Hopefully either of those will help distract from work - but I'd seriously be thinking of leaving no matter what the outcome

NWQM Sun 08-Jul-18 00:39:58

I'd chat it through with the TU rep. In terms of support like counselling I'm fairly sure they would have to make arrangements. Any counter case you might have to tribunal would way up fairness. They haven't made you a reasonable offer of counselling if by saying you can't go on to the work premises you cant actually access it. They need to give you the opportunity to make your case as part of the investigation. In most roles / situations this means you or your union rep talking to people who can support your case. Saying you are off sick rather than off suspended is fairly common and when you've won your case you might be pleased that the majority of people think that as you still may be unable to talk about it depending on the full nature of any settlement. Check it out with the TU but I think that they can only say that you cant talk about this. You'd need to talk about a stressful situation at work that has lead to you being off. Good luck. It sounds so difficult for you.

Touchmybum Sun 08-Jul-18 00:42:13

You poor pet, I've been there too, supported the 'wrong' side against the CEO and it was never going to end well. I too had genuinely done nothing wrong but my evidence would have prevented them getting rid of the senior manager they wanted to go. I was reinstated on second appeal, but they wouldn't let me back into my own job, and I was sent to the wilderness for 20 years (not being dramatic!)

Get legal advice. Your home insurance or your car insurance may provide you with cover. My CEO forbade my colleagues to contact me. They don't have the right to do that!!

Start applying for new jobs and drag the whole process out as long as possible - cite mental health issues - they have to keep paying you then. I lost the plot completely and couldn't get my head around interviews for other jobs. Keep your cool, use your experience and with any luck, you will get another job and tell them where to shove it! xx

EBearhug Sun 08-Jul-18 01:01:59

They did suggest staff counselling, but as I'm not allowed on the premises, that won't really work ffs.

There is presumably someone in HR or an investigation chair whom you can talk to. Ask them for details of the counselling. My company provides access to counsellorshowers, but they're not employed directly by the company, and you don't see them on company premises. So it could work.

HeddaGarbled Sun 08-Jul-18 01:12:37

Yeah, they always say no one’s allowed to talk to anyone else. But we ignore that for good friends. Happens regularly here.

Don’t resign.

Respond to the messages, saying “I’m not allowed to talk to you about it” then if they care enough, they’ll find a way to talk to you off the record.

INeedNewShoes Sun 08-Jul-18 01:15:00

My previous employer was part of an employee assistance programme where we could access advice and counselling via a third party provider. I wonder whether your employer has something like this.

I think you're wise to avoid talking to colleagues about the direction situation but you need support so if you have any useful family members in terms of support I would contact them and just request that they don't discuss it with anyone else.

Angrybird345 Sun 08-Jul-18 07:43:13

Speak to Acas and check your rights, they can’t stop you talking to family!

dancingthroughthedark Sun 08-Jul-18 07:53:21

I have recently supported a friend through a similar situation. She was told she couldn't do all sorts most of which was total rubbish and was also told certain external agencies had been informed of the situation which terrified her . (We found out later that none of this had actually happened at all) Can I suggest you get independent legal advice even if it's just an initial free session. We found a local free advice centre which specialised in employment law. I would also request a SAR from them as this really helped my friend know exactly what she was dealing with as there had been a lot of internal stuff going on in an attempt to oust her.

EllebellyBeeblebrox Sun 08-Jul-18 07:58:06

Ive been there too, a lonely and horrible time. Sending a huge hug, take this time to look after yourself. Always seems incredibly cruel that at such a difficult stressful time you're not able to reach out to friends.

confusedandemployed Sun 08-Jul-18 08:10:30

Some good advice there, especially:
- Don't resign under any circumstances. This is an easy way out for them but not for you.
- If access to counselling is something your employee provides then you should have access to it. Speak to your TU rep and they will speak to tour employer on your behalf.
- You are perfectly entitled to ask colleagues to provide a witness statement for you.
- If you're struggling with the stress, see your GP. Not only can they provide you with help, but it will also be on record that your mental health is being damaged by the whole process (relevant if you need / have grounds to go to appeal or even ET).

I hope things go well for you.

toyoungtodie Sun 08-Jul-18 08:17:19

Don’t resign as you will lose money and why should you if you haven’t done anything.
If you think that you can’t recover from this and go back, then start looking into getting other jobs and applying for them. Volunteer at a charity shop and do things to take your mind off the situation.
You can talk to loads of organisations such as Citizens advice, Mind, Samaritans etc.
This situation is going to go on whether or not you sit at home crying or get out and use the time productively. Start training for a marathon as fresh air is good for your mood.
Just because they say you can’t speak to anyone doesn’t mean you have to follow their advice. This isn’t Russia.
Xxx....and hugs

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