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How to deal with this cheekyfuckery? Don’t we need a CF topic?

(104 Posts)
RunSkipBop Mon 25-Jun-18 09:56:10

My son is in his final year at primary school. All my dc have attended and it’s wonderful to say goodbye after 15 years.

At the end of school a big treat is given to all the leaver kids.

There’s one parent who (for background) has made her way pretty much through the year group- moving on when people call her out- some of the things she’s done include

-She’s had people do work for them on her home without paying
-Sponged off people never paying for coffees etc
-Asked for money for her kids for afterschool treats (forgotten purse)
-dropped her kids off to other parents (unexpectedly) for whole days in the holidays-
-doesn’t pay for school trips (brags about the school not being able to exclude her children for not paying)

Her kids are always dressed head to toe in designer stuff (she goes nuts when her kids lose their £££ trainers from their PE kits etc) she’s constantly posting photos on social media of her nights out/spa days etc. She’s not short for money. She just chooses well and when she’s rinsed someone and they kick back she moves on.

Onto the problem- her DS is in the leavers class also and she hasn’t paid her money for the event which had to be in last week. She won’t answer texts or emails- she runs from the school saying she’s late from work. The other parents are now so pissed off they’ve gotten together and have said they will no longer subsidise her responsibilities and that on the day of the event they will have to tell the parent her child can’t go confused the school have caught wind of this and I think might possibly pay for him (but I cannot be sure)

I’d feel awful if he doesn’t go but I’m conflicted because she takes the piss so much that’s is her fault but he’s innocent in this.

It’s a significant amount of money which was all
Pre-agreed by parents last September and nobody else wants to stump up the extra few pounds to cover them

Any ideas?

BrexitWife Mon 25-Jun-18 10:01:11

Tbh i wouod feel as conflicted by that as you are.
I wouldn’t want to let get away with it. But nor wouod it feel ok to exclude her ds.

It looks like the school has started tonhandle it. Could you leave it to them to sort out or is it something organised by the parents themselves?

RunSkipBop Mon 25-Jun-18 10:03:00

It’s organised by the parents.

fuzzyfozzy Mon 25-Jun-18 10:04:55

As it's organised by the parents I'd send everyone a letter saying the money must be paid by .... or your child won't be going.
Ask school what the plan for the child would be, ie spending time in year 5 and put that in the letter.
Make sure it says as this event is not organised by school they will not be subsidising children to go.

MorrisDancingViv Mon 25-Jun-18 10:05:26

Who's organised this event? Imo, if it's the parents, then the majority rule, so if the parents say he can only come if she pays then it's up to her - she'll be the reason her ds is excluded.

On the other hand, if it's the school organising it, then it's their decision

fuzzyfozzy Mon 25-Jun-18 10:06:17

School didn't organise a pgl type event for one of my ch so I spoke to school who said they were happy but would have no involvement.
Every letter had that on it and that ch would need to be paid for in full to attend.

MorrisDancingViv Mon 25-Jun-18 10:07:18

X-post. I agree with fuzzy. Spell it out very clearly for all parents that this is organised by the parents, that there is no contingency fund so no payment means pupils cannot attend.

RunSkipBop Mon 25-Jun-18 10:07:38

An email went round already stating the money had to be in by last week

Everyone has paid bar this CF parent.

Majority has said “fuck her” confused re the parent.

ny20005 Mon 25-Jun-18 10:09:07

Put a letter in her child's school bag to confirm they won't be attending as payment not received

Stick another copy in her front door & send by email

Hoppinggreen Mon 25-Jun-18 10:09:45

Sounds reasonable but what are you going to do when she drops her child off at the event and then legs it?

fruitbrewhaha Mon 25-Jun-18 10:13:13

So it is actually too late for her to pay? Have you had to submit numbers?

Could you talk to the child? Tell him his mums need to cough up? Or his Dad?

Don't let the school pay.

RunSkipBop Mon 25-Jun-18 10:13:59

Hopping
I asked a similar question and one dad said he’d ring the police and tell them a kid has been abandoned.

We only have a few weeks left if school and people are starting to get feisty, they wouldn’t have dreamed of talking like this last year with another 12 months of school ahead

swimmerlab Mon 25-Jun-18 10:15:05

She sounds to me as though she may be riddled with debt. All the material things she has could be paid for by credit cards but anything that needs cash is unpaid.

I would feel conflicted as well, it makes me sad to think of children, especially one child, being excluded from an event. Could you ask school to contact the Mum? I realise it's not their responsibility, but they may have better luck getting to speak to her.

RunSkipBop Mon 25-Jun-18 10:36:19

Thanks Swimmer

Yes He’d be the only one not going.

NewIdeasToday Mon 25-Jun-18 10:58:28

It seems a terrible shame for the kid if he is excluded. It’s not his fault that his mum
Is like this. And the idea of calling the police to say he’s been abandoned is horrible. How upsetting would that be for an 11 year old.

FrayedHem Mon 25-Jun-18 11:06:54

It's one of those things where rightfully you can see why he shouldn't be allowed to attend, but, if it's the kind of event where he could turn up without her, it would sour the whole thing for all of the children. Which is exactly how people like her get away with these things.

I'd do the multiple letters and communications as suggested above. Maybe a signed for to really cover all possibilities. And see if people are incensed enough to pursue through the small claims court if he turns up and she hasn't paid? I know it sounds very OTT and I'm not suggesting that is the way to go. Just preferable to calling the police.

PoisonousSmurf Mon 25-Jun-18 11:08:02

How much would the other parents in the class have to pay up? More than £5?
People who brag about having money to spend on themselves are hiding the fact that they can't afford it.
This mother dropping off a child and 'legging it', she can't afford childcare?
Are you really going to traumatize a young child because his mum is poor?
Shame on you all! A school is a community is it not?

afreshnewname Mon 25-Jun-18 11:13:56

Maybe if she is poor she should lay off the nights out/spa days/designer clothes 🙄

PoisonousSmurf Mon 25-Jun-18 11:20:56

Maybe she feels the need to 'Keep up with the Joneses'?

PuppyMonkey Mon 25-Jun-18 11:27:11

Would the school office support you and call her in to say they need an urgent meeting with her about DS? Call her, as is in ring her, not text or email?

RunSkipBop Mon 25-Jun-18 11:39:47

I’m not sure what Joneses she’s trying to keep up with. We’re all bumpkins who drive old bangers smile

She doesn’t work and granny drops off and collects a lot

When someone moaned to her last year (about the Mum not paying her husband for fixing her roof) granny rolled her eyes and said “well how bad do you think it is for me then? She’s always been like this”

Sorry don’t want to drip feed but also don’t want to see very much more.

She’s a massive piss taker. She’s had VARIOUS reminders says “yeh yeh” or runs off.

CanaBanana Mon 25-Jun-18 11:48:46

I'd be sympathetic if she was poor but it sounds like she's just greedy. As long as she continues to get away with it she'll continue to do it. Having an extremely upset child who has been excluded will be a massive wake up call. Send a letter and if possible get the school to call her so she knows her DS won't be able to attend, and won't be admitted if he does turn up.

PoliticalBiscuit Mon 25-Jun-18 11:50:37

Honestly, I really don't like to sub people like this but if I had the money I would pay for the child to go.

There are no more lessons to be learned m, he's leaving primary anyway - that's the end of any obligations to them but if he didn't go, wouldn't it always tar the thoughts you have about who he went to school with and the leavers celebrations.

If you wanted to you could ask someone to send a passive aggressive group message to everyone including Mum that says "Thanks so much to the anonymous donation which means Jim can now go to event, now everyone in the class can go with no child left behind. What a generous gift for Jim"

Might shame the Mum who I'm guessing wouldn't do 'charidee' but doesn't mind freebies, she'll probably be horrified.

PoliticalBiscuit Mon 25-Jun-18 11:51:14

And I say that as someone who absolutely would call the police if she drops and runs and he has no ticket!

FrayedHem Mon 25-Jun-18 11:57:13

If the school weren't able to get her to pay up for school-organised trips, I'd feel awkward about asking them to intervene in a parent-organised treat.

Is making granny aware that the current mood is her grandson will get turned away an option? Not ideal and not fair on granny but fairer than expecting the school to step in.

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