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Nasty discovery **horrible topic**

(79 Posts)
NotTakenUsername Thu 14-Jun-18 15:31:38

We have a regular visitor to our house. 7 years old. I’ve had a suspicion it was him for a while but today I knew for sure it was him.

He uses the bathroom, doesn’t wipe, doesn’t flush and, I assume if tearing off paper or pressing a button is too much effort, doesn’t wash his hands either.

So today circumstances meant I knew for a fact it was him and I pulled him up on it. I told him to go and flush and wash his hands. I was quite stern, and told him very clearly that if he is using the toilet he is to wipe, flush and wash his hands every time. I told him it was very unpleasant for someone to come and find that when they want to use the toilet, and unhygienic not to wipe or wash up afterwards.

Was I out of line? He is a guest but he is also a regular guest, and a child who deserves to learn how to behave appropriately. I feel a bit bad, but it is so horrible and I think by 7 he should know better.

Pp3000 Thu 14-Jun-18 15:33:00


You were absolutely not out of line!

LanaorAna2 Thu 14-Jun-18 15:34:03

Good for you, you've done him a favour. Be nice now, though.

KirstenRaymonde Thu 14-Jun-18 15:36:07

I’d be concerned that no-ones taught him to do this?

NotTakenUsername Thu 14-Jun-18 15:36:30

I was nice again right after. But he was obviously embarrassed. I’m annoyed at myself because my stern response was much more because I was so turned by it, than a measured response.

upsideup Thu 14-Jun-18 15:38:16

I would have told his parents first and let them deal with it

MargoLovebutter Thu 14-Jun-18 15:39:26

That's quite harsh for a guest. I wouldn't have done it that way.

I'd have said to all the children when they were together "guys don't forget to flush the loo & wash your hands after you've finished" so that I wasn't singling out someone else's child. If that failed, I'd do a reminder the next time and then I'd have a quiet word saying that the rules in this house for everyone are to flush and wash hands. I wouldn't have given any speech on hygiene and unpleasantness.

lifechangesforever Thu 14-Jun-18 15:40:48

Our nephew once came to stay and he urinated all over the toilet seat and even on the floor - the mess and the stench was unbelievable. He wasn't 7 though, he was 15. I told his grandparents (who were looking after him at the time) and let them deal with it.

I would also be concerned about why he hasn't been taught this already. Not to mention that he himself must smell after and his underwear be a mess?

NotTakenUsername Thu 14-Jun-18 15:40:50

See, if someone spoke to me about that with my child I would wonder why they didn’t just deal with it at the time.
However, I’d be mortified if Dd thought that was an appropriate way to use the bathroom and leave it for the next person. envy

NotTakenUsername Thu 14-Jun-18 15:44:29

MargoLovebutter I have done the communal “how to use bathroom” more than once regularly. I do think singling him out was necessary to stop the behaviour - I think he didn’t realise his behaviour is not anonymous if you see what I mean?
Actually from the other posts I’m not sorry I spoke sternly. It is disgusting, and it is better he learns at 7 than 17 or 27 or becomes one of those disgusting husbands we read about on the relationships board.

PinkHeart5914 Thu 14-Jun-18 15:46:08

At 7 years old I imagine we all done things like this tbh. The child is 7 and sometimes children can be lazy.

I certainly wouldn't of given him a stern talking to over it his only 7 and he didn’t poo on the floor. I would of spoke to all the dc together and said “look children when we use the toilet we must remember to flush the toilet and wash our hands”

Landed Thu 14-Jun-18 15:50:31

I would not have dealt with him so harshly. You are the adult and had the opportunity to teach him and bring it to the attention of his parent(s). I would be concerned if he did not know better and if it was just shear laziness or rushing to get back to the fun, that he needs to be aware that you can't do such things.

ajandjjmum Thu 14-Jun-18 15:53:19

I think you were spot on.

colditz Thu 14-Jun-18 15:54:12

Well, it probably won't be a problem again, whether your berating him works to stop him or whether he merely refuses to come back.

Jammycustard Thu 14-Jun-18 15:54:46

I think you were right if you’ve done the blanket statement first.

Lweji Thu 14-Jun-18 15:55:09

Surely if his parents allow him to go there, you're in charge as a teacher or child minder would.
Make sure he follows your rules in your home. And if that includes teaching him basic rules of hygiene, then be it.

Hissy Thu 14-Jun-18 15:55:17

this is sadly quite common... you have not done anything wrong in pulling him up on this OP, but if you think that ONE occasion will resolve the situation, you are sadly mistaken.

If by some miracle you are able to get this 7 yo to flush, clean up and wash his hands let me know? I could hire you out to other mums of boys

Quartz2208 Thu 14-Jun-18 15:56:05

whilst correct I think you were both a little OTT in delivery and frankly in your choice of title - since when is going to the toilet such a horrible topic?

StormTreader Thu 14-Jun-18 15:57:04

I think sometimes small children think "they don't know who it was, I'll just keep doing it and maybe they'll never work it out."

The OP has already done the "now everyone, this is what we do" speech and it's continued. At that point I think you are forced to say "I know it's you Pete so I'm going to leave you in no doubt now that I know and that it will stop".

frogsoup Thu 14-Jun-18 15:57:22

He's SEVEN! Usually my kids remember but occasionally they forget. It's not ideal, but hey, in the grand scheme of things...

Also 'horrible topic' warnings on here tend to be used for genuinely distressing content - you know, murder, kidnap, death, abuse, that kind of thing. Forgetting to flush the loo and wash your hands really doesn't qualify under any reasonable definition confused.

NotTakenUsername Thu 14-Jun-18 15:58:04

Quartz2208 I just didn’t want someone maybe enjoying a nice big slice of chocolate cake and a coffee to accidentally click through! Not something I’d like to read about whilst eating.

Coffeeisyourfriend Thu 14-Jun-18 15:58:43

I definitely would have said what you said OP.
I have a 10yo DSS who still for some reason struggles to not piss on my bathroom floor and it drives me insane, I make him clean it up himself every time it happens and tell him to pay attention when using the bathroom (i.e stop taking your bloody phone in there or have a sit down wee instead if your aims that bad!)

Fishyfingers Thu 14-Jun-18 16:00:08

op you sound very immature. you dealt with it like a teenager not a warm caring parent. yes its unhygienic but that that was mean. i hope he doesnt visit you anymore.

upsideup Thu 14-Jun-18 16:03:26

Are you a childminder? Or are these children relatives or your kids friends?

NotTakenUsername Thu 14-Jun-18 16:05:15

He will continue to visit. We have a very good relationship and my house is a lovely place to be. I’m human and I reacted a bit more knee-jerked than I would have liked.

He knew he was in the wrong, that’s why he was embarrassed and not confused.

I haven’t drawn out the issue, he apologised, I thanked him for cleaning up and the moment has very much passed.

It’s because I’m not a horrible person that I even wanted to dissect the issue and work out what I could have done better in case this issue, or similar arises again. 🤷‍♀️

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