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How the fuck am I supposed to stay positive?!

(7 Posts)
UtterlyFedUpOfThisShit Wed 13-Jun-18 14:29:45

Safe to say the last year or so has been pretty fucking awful.

I was made redundant last year when the company I worked for went bust thanks to the actions of fewer than half a dozen people, all of whom are perfectly financially comfortable. I'd only been there just over a year so no redundancy payment for me.

Found another job over two months later, was perfectly happy - a few months in I was signed off work for a few weeks with near constant diarrhoea (still ongoing, thus far a medical mystery). I could have worked from home as the only thing stopping me going to work was the >1hr commute without access to a loo if I needed one, but was told "if you're too ill to come to the office, you're too ill to work from home". Then I was let go, and because I was still on probation there was nothing I could do about it.

Got a temp job for up to six weeks. Whilst there I was offered a permanent role at a different company, and told they wanted me to start the next Monday. Accepted the job and informed the temping agency. The Friday before I was due to start I still hadn't received my offer letter or contract - contacted my recruiter who said she'd chase them up for me.

Later that day she calls and informs me that since making the offer to me on the Monday the company had had a recruitment freeze and now could not hire me. The temping agency had already found a replacement for me so I had no work to go to.

At another firm I had an interview for a role I was really keen on. Was told by the in-house recruiter that even though the four people who interview me adored me (she actually used the word adored) they'd decided to go with an internal candidate so they could avoid all the onboarding faff. Fair enough. However she said they liked me so much that they still wanted to find a place for me within the company so asked me to come in and interview for a different role. Fine. Went back in, met two more people, they really liked me too so then went back and had another interview with the line manager, who also really liked me but said she wasn't very good at hiring for that role so she was going to leave it to the judgement of the first two. She also mentioned that there was an internal candidate in the running for the role as well. Emailed the in-house recruiter two days later to see if there was an update, she said the line manager still hadn't met the internal candidate so she would see how that went and let me know what they decided. That was a week ago. Sent another email yesterday morning to see if there was any news, so far no response. In the meantime another in house recruiter at the same firm has been told about me by two of the first four people who met me and has asked me to go in to interview for yet another role... except this one is a four month contract.

Whilst all this is going on I begin temping somewhere else. They are looking for someone permanent and at the end of the second week I decided to put myself forward as I like it here, and the temping agency has had glowing feedback about me. The chairman asks to see my CV and said we'd talk about it this week. The next day he offered the role to somebody else, and today I had the delightful task of typing up her offer letter. She'll be starting a week on Monday which means that after next week I'm out on my arse. Not that it makes any difference but she is 4 years younger than I am and will now be on a higher salary than I have any realistic hope of getting.

People keep telling me to keep my chin up and stay positive but I'm really struggling, it's just one disappointment after another and whilst all this is going on I still have the diarrhoea to deal with. I'm taking codeine for it which means I either have the raging shits or I'm painfully constipated for days on end, there is no in-between.

So tell me, how on earth am I supposed to stay positive when I feel so completely demoralised and disheartened? I just feel like I don't have an ounce of optimism left in me at this point.

Octopeppa Wed 13-Jun-18 15:03:16

Sorry to hear this. I assume you have tried various things for the diahorrea but just wanted to suggest Vitamin C and probiotics. It does sound as if this health issue is making things a lot harde for you. It's hard enough job-seeking in the first place. What are the doctors doing, have you been referred to a specialist or for any tests? As for staying positive, I would say actually you don't have to. Sometimes things aren't all sunshine and it's natural to be fed up. The way you're feeling is normal and healthier than suppressing your emotions. You can rant on here and no-one will mind. Hope things get better for you soon.

Offerdecisionneeded Wed 13-Jun-18 15:43:55

Chronic diarrhoea needs investigation - bloods incl coeliac screen but also colonoscopy.

Sorry you’re having such a rough time. You’re allowed to be fed up btw. Hope you have a good support network and things pick up soon!

UtterlyFedUpOfThisShit Wed 13-Jun-18 15:48:08

Thanks both. I've had a colonoscopy which they said was normal, and have been tested for UC, Crohns and Coeliac. All negative.

My DH is trying to help me keep my chin up but my lack of steady income means we're relying on his salary alone a lot of the time, which puts added pressure on him. Haven't really been able to talk to anyone else about it as my friends are constantly busy.

Snowspeckledeyelashes Wed 13-Jun-18 16:15:09

Have you tried the Low Fodmap diet? It’s really great for bowel issues. I’ve had IBS for 20 years and although not a cure to my problems, it’s helped. It’s a bloody boring diet but worth it. There are some great Low Fodmap Facebook groups that can really help you. I can also really recommend gut directed hypnotherapy, there are a few in YouTube but I’ve now purchased one from Amazon which I listen to each night, really help!

MrsMozart Wed 13-Jun-18 17:29:40

You really have had a rough time of it lass.

The only positive I can say is the bad doesn't last forever, although it feels like it at the time.

FaithEverPresent Wed 13-Jun-18 17:49:16

Oh bless you. It’s okay to feel down! I say this because I was ill for months and people kept telling me to keep my chin up, sometimes I just wanted someone to say ‘It’s okay to feel down, your circumstances are rubbish!’.

I second the low FODMAP diet. I was referred by my GP around a dietitian. It’s not easy, but it’s short term and I’m definitely better when I stick with limits on the food that aggravate my IBS.

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