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Fucking pissed off!! How do I respond to this email?

(67 Posts)
bramblina Wed 13-Jun-18 01:37:26

High school pta- last mtg was 15th may. I couldn't go. Tonight I got an email from the chairperson with minutes of said mtg attached which state DONM is tonight. Obvs it was decided at the mtg but I didn't attend. The last minutes I have say DONM is September. The email I received said the mtg tonight at 7 is to discus the new teaching appointments [very important issue in school atm] I hope you can make it.

A parent (Brenda) responded that she is working but would appreciate an update. I think she said this because I find that the minutes of one mtg are not distributed until the next mtg. I find this frustrating as I cannot find anything out until the next mtg.

I said; (at 9pm)
I apologise I was not aware of tonight's meeting and have only just picked this up.
Was the mtg announced on the website? Could the minutes perhaps be distributed a little earlier? However I may be missing something in which case if I am I apologise!
I repeat what Brenda said and would like can update if possible.
Thanks
Bramblina

Chairperson replied,
Hi
The mtg was announced by email approximately 2 weeks ago [I have searched and searched but cannot find said email]
I'm sure you will appreciate the situation of the pta and that the minutes are taken voluntarily by people who have busy lives, jobs and children. Perhaps you would consider taking on a committee position and that would be a constructive way of changing things. I am stepping down at the end of this session.
Best wishes
Chairperson

Now I considered her to be a friend- I've known her for 13 years, we have been out together with others, we are in the same, loose circle of friends, we have children the same age.

I am pissed off but at the same time cautious- was I rude? I need to respond very well and carefully as these emails have been cc'd to the whole pta.
Of late she and her husband have built up a little empire and popular charges they are getting too big for their boots. I wonder if thatsxwhy she's addressed me like this. 6 months ago her husband was extremely rude to me (I've known him 30 yrs) and he phoned me within half an hour an apologised.

My initial thoughts on a response are;

It appears I have upset you and gorvthat I apologise.
I do not have an email from 2 wks ago announcing this mtg. The last note I have is DONM September.
I fully understand the situation of volunteers and their busy lives but as I am secretary of the XX pta I think it's wise I do not hold office within this pta for now.
Kind regards
Bramblina

Please help me defend myself, stand my ground, and get the point across. Or was I rude???

fuzzywuzzy Wed 13-Jun-18 01:40:06

I don’t think you were rude.

I’d send your email without the apology.

brizzledrizzle Wed 13-Jun-18 01:45:52

The email I received said the mtg tonight at 7 is to discus the new teaching appointments [very important issue in school atm] I hope you can make it.

What have the new teaching appointments got to do with the PTA?
That's a remit of the governors and the senior managers and not the PTA surely? Unless the PTA are interfering busy bodies with ideas above their station of course

bramblina Wed 13-Jun-18 01:48:01

The pta had 3 members on the interview panel. We don't have governors. We're in scotland- perhaps it's different to England. We were right to have members on the panel, were invited by our LA

MountainPeakGeek Wed 13-Jun-18 01:51:18

I don't think you were rude and I didn't take the chairperson's email response as rude either.

But maybe I'm just in a strangely mellow mood this evening because your planned reply also seems fine to me. You definitely don't come across (in that reply) as pissed off as you obviously are...

So, all in all, maybe you should wait for someone else to advise you? grin

brizzledrizzle Wed 13-Jun-18 01:53:34

Ah, I see. Then I take back my flippant strike through.

bramblina Wed 13-Jun-18 01:55:16

Don't you think she'd being overly sarcastic about me taking up office?? There was no need!!
I love a strike through brizzle- usually they are very apt!!

IbizaLovesSundays Wed 13-Jun-18 02:01:48

I don't thinks she was being rude or sarcastic at all...

Shadow666 Wed 13-Jun-18 02:04:06

I find this common with volunteers. Basically if you try and criticize anything then they just throw their toys out of the pram. I get it can seem a thankless job, but they need to adhere to the guidelines.

The reality is that the details of the meeting should have been sent out at an earlier date and weren't. I'd reply that obviously there was a problem with the email not being sent out and perhaps they should reschedule.

Doesn't your PTA have guidelines? When I volunteered there were rules that information about meetings had to sent out by a particular date and in a particular way to enable people to make arrangements to attend. If it wasn't done then the meeting couldn't take place. The meetings also had to be minuted and the minutes available for all to read.

brizzledrizzle Wed 13-Jun-18 02:05:12

FWIW, I don't think you were being rude.

BIWI Wed 13-Jun-18 02:20:41

I would point out that if the volunteers are too busy to send out the minutes promptly, then perhaps they should be standing down too.

You weren't rude. She was.

iismum Wed 13-Jun-18 02:34:18

I don't think you were being rude but I don't think she was particularly either. I was chair of the PC and had a pretty useless secretary who didn't do the minutes for ages - it was really stressful and we were always encouraging other people to stand.

She was a bit defensive - probably stressed - and should have apologised about the minutes but I doubt she meant to be rude.

If she said an email went out in an email to the whole PC I imagine she believes it did, and either you missed it (maybe it went into spam?) or someone else screwed up.

I'd just leave it if I were you.

iismum Wed 13-Jun-18 02:39:39

BIWI, the problem with that is that in most cases that would leave the job empty. In my experience, people rarely volunteer for these jobs because they want them or think they'll be good at them but because someone has to do it and no one else will volunteer - there's a legal requirement for a Parent Council to have a secretary, the school can't function without it. (Not sure if that is true in England but in Scotland the PC functions as the governors as well as a parent organisation).

flibbertyfive Wed 13-Jun-18 02:54:01

No-one was rude. Chill.

Jenny70 Wed 13-Jun-18 03:25:14

I'd check if anyone else got the email 2 weeks ago and whether they can see who it went to... see if there was a distribution error or typo... which is upsetting, but happens.

If others got it, maybe apologise and say you appreciate the work they do and that you missed the email, but are keen to stay involved/informed.

If no-one got it, I would take it further and possibly ask for the meeting to be rescheduled with appropriate notice. I am somewhat confused that the next meeting was Sept (ie next school year) and then this one, was it an extra because of the school appointments. Is it something that all the PTA need input, or is it a debrief on what has happened/will happen in the appointment process?

Although a volunteer role, it still needs transparency and integrity.

Copperbonnet Wed 13-Jun-18 05:04:33

I don’t think she was rude tbh.

I don’t think you were wrong though, minutes should be sent out as soon as possible (and I have done minutes in a voluntary capacity).

How can people track actions if they aren’t clarified until the day if the next meeting?

I would reply saying that you didn’t receive the last email and that you can’t take on another office as you are an office holder at another school.

I’d be calling up someone else to find out what happened at these two meetings.

I don’t like your comments about “a Little empire”. What you mean is they do lots for the school/community, right? And people bitch about them.

To my mind that says more about the bitchy people than the PTA chair.

Her DH was rude to you and immediately apologised? How is that in any way relevant to this?

HoppingPavlova Wed 13-Jun-18 05:21:22

God knows what you are reading into this. She was not rude. You are not rude. Do you thrive on drama?

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 13-Jun-18 05:26:48

If you want to respond I’d ignore everything apart from the email and send a breezy text. Thank her for her response and will bear in mind what she said. Say you never received the email and perhaps it was lost ether. (This does happen with me occasionally btw, tech isn’t perfect.) Say you’ll check In if you don’t receive the latest email, which will be generated by this meeting to avoid the situation arising again.

SteveAllenLBC Wed 13-Jun-18 05:50:17

Is there any need for such disgraceful language?

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 13-Jun-18 06:01:46

Swearing is accepted on this site. If you don’t like the language, I think you’re going to be disappointed regularly.

FindoGask Wed 13-Jun-18 06:04:07

Minutes should definitely be going out within a week or so of the meeting - I minute a lot in my current job and unless someone has shorthand or an amazing memory, I can't see how they'd produce coherent minutes several weeks afterwards. If you can't do the job properly you shouldn't do it at all, volunteer or otherwise.

I think the Chair was a bit snippy and defensive but that's it - not worth flouncing over, which is how I would take your email. You didn't seem to struggle with being on two PTAs before this exchange.

TheBlueDot Wed 13-Jun-18 06:07:38

Her response reads fine to me - not rude. I don’t know why you are so annoyed by it, looks like she genuinely thinks an email went out with the date.

Your response is fine (without the apology) but I wouldn’t copy back to entire committee, just her.

ParellelReality Wed 13-Jun-18 06:13:42

No-one was rude. It's a complete non-event.

alwayswearsunscreen Wed 13-Jun-18 06:37:00

I think it was rude, it was meant to put you in your place. I'd reply but not apologise.

WhiskeySourpuss Wed 13-Jun-18 06:43:11

(Not sure if that is true in England but in Scotland the PC functions as the governors as well as a parent organisation).

Not in all schools - we'd never go to the parent council with a complaint about the school we'd go straight to the LA.

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