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Only as happy as your unhappiest child

(57 Posts)
Fireinthehold Tue 12-Jun-18 23:48:22

This is so true for my entire time as a parent and describes the worst constant of being a parent. Last week I was worried about my eldest and her exams and this week I am worried about my youngest and a friendship issue. Both are fast asleep and I am up feeling a bit stressed. It will of course pass until the next drama or worry. Thankfully there are gaps where both dcs are ok. I guess I am sharing my late night thoughts rather than looking for advice. This parenting lark really packs an emotional punch at times. Thank goodness for gin and chocolate.

SnowGoArea Tue 12-Jun-18 23:52:40

Such a true saying, I was thinking of it earlier in the week. Even minor problems take such an emotional toll.

Thank goodness for chocolate indeed! Don't know where I'd be without it grin

itsbritneybeyatch Wed 13-Jun-18 03:33:36

I’m so with you!

ErictheGuineaPig Wed 13-Jun-18 03:44:45

There is definitely truth in this. I have a child who is suffering with some mental health problems and his bad days make me so, so low despite his sisters being very sunny natured. I just can't be happy when he's not - although I try very hard not to let that show as he doesn't need to feel responsible for my happiness on top of everything else!

Grasslands Wed 13-Jun-18 03:48:15

Spot on saying

littlebillie Wed 13-Jun-18 03:48:30

I'm up partly worried about DS and about my exams this week. The DCs are the biggest source of worry as they grow up

CluelessMummy Wed 13-Jun-18 04:29:48

Yes! Mine are nowhere near this age but I think that's absolutely true. I've also always hate the phrase, "Happy mum = happy baby" because it implies if your baby is unhappy, then it's somehow your fault. Much truer I think is along the same lines as yours: "Happy baby = happy mum".

NineNine Wed 13-Jun-18 04:40:26

It’s possibly a true saying. I haven’t experienced it as a parent as my dc are still small and luckily haven’t had any major issues.

However the phrase does sting a bit as my mother said it to me. She had no interest in helping or supporting me. She just wanted me to stop being unhappy because it made her unhappy hmm

Jackyjill6 Wed 13-Jun-18 05:03:47

That's sad for you NineNine, but see post above by CluelessMummy. Sadly it's much easier to feel as if you are doing OK at parenting when your child is OK and vice versa.

NineNine Wed 13-Jun-18 05:09:26

I can understand that, but I think ErictheGuineaPig’s post is also important. Important not to make your children responsible for your happiness. So yes, you will feel sad if they are sad, but they don’t need the added pressure of seeing that.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Wed 13-Jun-18 05:12:37

It’s all true. My children are much smaller but some days I feel like I just rotate from a hurt knee, to a dropped something, to a broken something else. Those rare days when everyone is easy and happy are so, so incredibly blissful.

Jackyjill6 Wed 13-Jun-18 05:37:58

Oh absolutely NineNine.

Ski40 Wed 13-Jun-18 05:52:09

I hear you! I found myself dealing with an emotional and hormonal tweenie DD facing her SATs and a DS going through bullying problems and jealousy issues over his toddler brother plus toddler himself going through the almighty terrible twos. At times I felt like I was going out of my mind!
Nothing prepares you for the emotional exhaustion of trying to keep everyone happy. Not to even mention DH and his many issues.😞
Big hug to everyone else struggling! 💐

Pippioddstocking Wed 13-Jun-18 06:04:17

Such a true phrase . The absolute heart break of seeing your child unhappy , nothing else can compare .

shouldwestayorshouldwego Wed 13-Jun-18 06:21:13

I find my dc lurch from one misfortune to another, however I actively try to find happiness beyond their many issues. One of mine in particular is a glass half full kinda child and it does them no good. Over the past few years I have purposefully tried to find positives in things and be more relaxed and less stressed. It really does help. It's not to say that I brush his worries under the carpet but we do try to look at a wider picture and tell ourselves that one day the unpleasant teacher, the nasty friend or the spilt milk will either be completely forgotten or cracking good plotlines in the many books he wants to write.

If my mood was dictated by their moods/events I would be incredibly stressed. Sure sometimes I get upset and some things I find hard to put behind me (bullying, disabilities, inefficient SEN support), but many things are forgotten or managed by them far better if we deal with them and move on. I think having work to focus on too helps. Although I work from home around their hours it does give me independent purpose too.

BertrandRussell Wed 13-Jun-18 06:23:58

And one of the hardest things about it is the absolute necessity of not making them responsible for your happiness. My adult dd has had a truly appalling time recently- and in many ways my life has been consumed by it.

IchFliegeNach Wed 13-Jun-18 06:26:56

I actually think this is true of love in general. To me, that's what love is - realising that you will never be totally happy unless that other person is, too.
And obviously, your children are the people you love the most.

applelolly Wed 13-Jun-18 06:30:02

This has been the story of my life! I currently have one doing GCSEs and one doing A levels. (Also one off at uni doing end of year exams, but I have managed to distance myself a bit from that!)
With a 10,12,13,16 and 18 yr old in the house there is ALWAYS something for me to stress about!

2good Wed 13-Jun-18 06:35:22

Sorry to say it but I don't think it ever changes! I'm currently almost 2 weeks overdue with my first baby, and my mum is nervous/stressed/anxious for me. . I try to hide most of my discomfort & pain from her so I'm not adding to that.
She's also worried about my 35 year old sister who has been single most of her life and just can't seem to meet anyone.
And my brother who's relationship has ended and has shared custody of his child which has led to massive issues and difficulties with his ex that she worries about too

pinkbobbles Wed 13-Jun-18 06:38:11

It is true but then Nine is also correct, they are allowed to be unhappy.

megletthesecond Wed 13-Jun-18 06:47:13

It's so true.
I spent all day at work upset about dd yesterday. She's struggling with violent meltdowns at the moment and I want to be able to help her. And I can't seem to make it better.

Clarabella8 Wed 13-Jun-18 07:07:02

I've never heard this saying before but it is totally spot on isn't it . I was thinking about this yesterday , but that just sums it up in a short sweet sentence.I tried to explain this to my dh , he doesn't get it for some reason , generally only affected by his own struggles . I can deal with mine , but when it's the dc, especially when you can't really help , it can really get to you .

newstart2018 Wed 13-Jun-18 07:17:15

Totally agree with this saying it is so incredibly hard to see your child suffer and you can't fix it no matter how you try, It changes you as a person too and impacts on your everyday life.

Branleuse Wed 13-Jun-18 07:20:32

I've never heard it before but I think it's usually true

Singlenotsingle Wed 13-Jun-18 07:21:13

2good is right. It never stops. Mine are in their 30s and I still worry about them when something goes wrong in their lives. And now, of course, I've got the grandchildren to worry about too!

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