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When you first started going out with someone

(12 Posts)
Scaredycatt Tue 12-Jun-18 18:08:30

How often did you speak to them? How often did you meet up them?

Started seeing someone recently but we seem to meet up about once a week and speak every few days...think it's just casual dating but I've never really done it before. With my ex boyfriend it was very intense right from the beginning. Not sure if that's the right or wrong way.

BadTasteFlump Tue 12-Jun-18 18:20:22

It's casual dating because that's what it should be in the early days, imo.

'Intense' from the beginning would be a red flag for me... ie why does he have so much free time/nothing else to do? And why is he so desperate to jump into a relationship with somebody he hardly knows? In short, I would be concerned that he has a pretty empty life and is just looking for someone (anyone!) to fill it. Or even worse, he could be a controlling creep. I'm assuming your ex had his faults or you would still be together...

Slow and steady is the way to go - if you really click and start to like each other more and more, you will naturally start to see each other more.

BadTasteFlump Tue 12-Jun-18 18:26:42

But - to answer your q - with DH we were quite casual for the first few months and would see each other about once a week, sometimes twice, and would talk in between on the phone (this was pre-mobiles, texts, etc).

By around 5-6 months we were seeing each other more nights than not. Six months later we were engaged smile

Ime, men who were 'intense' from the start definitely had issues of one kind or another.

Nadiyah Tue 12-Jun-18 18:54:15

Me and now DP spoke every day when we first started dating, but it wasn't full on. It was exciting and flirty so would be a text in the morning asking how he was and maybe one at night saying goodnight. Occasionally wouldn't speak for a couple of days but we weren't exclusive so was no biggie. Even now when he's working away we don't always speak as we are both so busy. I guess everyone is different but we've never been big telephone/texty people.

IToldYouIWasFreaky Tue 12-Jun-18 19:00:09

I think it partly depends on how you met. With OLD, I think you need fequent communication (for me that's daily) to really get to know each other and build up a rapport between dates.
If it's someone you already know as a friend or acquaintance then that frequent contact can come across as too intense....too much of a gear change.
But it really depends on both of your needs and personalities.

Proseccoagain Tue 12-Jun-18 21:48:54

Oh, gosh, it seems like we were way too full on! It was almost every day. Married three years later, he died in February, we were together 49 years altogether. So it must have worked.

BadTasteFlump Tue 12-Jun-18 22:47:20

Sorry to hear that Prosecco flowers

FoodGloriousFud Tue 12-Jun-18 23:20:38

We met via OLD, spoke every day, saw each other 3 times in 2 weeks, then at least every other day, moves in together after 8 weeks. We've had our home for 5 years and get married next year. We just knew straight away.

Bumbumtaloo Wed 13-Jun-18 08:46:45

We met in a nightclub and spoke every day via text and saw each other 2/3 times a week at first. We met in the August and moved in together in the January been together 10yrs this year, married for 7.

Hideandgo Wed 13-Jun-18 08:52:15

Badtaste, I completely disagree with you. Yes a slow burn can lead to a great relationship but no more so than an intense, love at first sight - must text/talk multiple times a day type of new relationship.

I’ll never forget the incredible feeling and intensity of our early days. It was like being drunk all day long. Incredibly intense. Magical. And although that ‘honeymoon period’ is long gone, we comfortably settled into a more normal pace and still took our time to get to know each other and move in together (2 yrs), get engaged (4 yrs), married (5yrs), and have 4 kids following 5 yrs).

BadTasteFlump Wed 13-Jun-18 10:20:00

Hide fair enough smile

I know every situation is different - but I am always just wary of men who want to jump in quickly - I've had my fingers burnt in the past and so have some friends of mine.

Hideandgo Wed 13-Jun-18 10:39:30

For sure, there’s a lot of that too. But when it works, it really works!

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