Been refered via NHS for specialist therapy following gynae problems - gynaecologist refered me, it's called psychosexual counselling. Part of it is learning to live with long term/life long problems, part of it is managing feelings towards me, attitudes about sex etc. I got a leaflet and it mentions 'homework' etc too.
The referal went through pretty quickly and I got a phone call today , offered an appt Wednesday. It's with a male counsellor.
I am sure he will be 100% professional, will have heard it all before etc. I'm just a bit concerned about what to expect, and wondering how to talk comfortably with him , when I can hardly talk to anyone. I know it wouldn't be easy with anyone male or female though.
Is it worth ringing and asking to see a lady, which would probably be a longer wait, or should I give it a chance first?
I've had counselling twice before , with a male, and several times with ladies. Only twice have I really felt, wow that has helped. Both CBT, once with an older male psychologist and once with a lovely lady through my work's OHS.
Hopefully this is the same, but talking about women's health with a man won't be easy!
I went along and he was nice, but it felt very strange talking about it all with him. Homework is as I thought too. I've never even been in a relationship, to hear him talking about 'clitoral stimulation' (for instance) was so odd. Every time he asked a question though he apologised for the nature of them first.
Hmm, I'm not sure how I would feel in your particular situation but I have recently completed a course of CBT with a very young male counsellor (newly qualified). It felt awkward at first as I didn't think he would be able to understand my circumstances at all but it ended up working really well. Well done for going, I hope it works out well for you.
I think it was the fact that he said treatment for vaginismus involves introducing penetration into arousal. Essentially I'd be asked to go home and masturbate and report back on how I got on? Or that's how I understood it. I think if I was in a couple and he or she was attending with me I'd feel fine but I'm on my own - and the bluntest of questions he asked me was whether I can orgasm. I'm not sure why he needed to know that (although I'm sure there's a reason).
Will think about it a bit over next couple of days. Part of me knows I'd feel weird with a woman too and I know his interest is solely professional so it shouldn't feel like a threat at all. Not easy!!
If you want to know why he's asking, ask. It's ok to ask for the logic behind his thinking too. Vaginismus is when the muscles contract so it's too painful to have sex? I'd imagine it's to know if you're able to relax sufficiently without penetration but like I said, why do you ask that" is perfectly valid. I think its important to trust your instincts on his body language and tone etc.
I adored my male counsellor. I told him all sorts of stuff about sex and desires and fears and fantasies. But it took me several yrs and I was there for help with sexual abuse recovery. He was fantastic and professional all the time. However I needed that foundation of trust with him first. And I was always the one talking not the other way. I'm not sure I could do what you are doing with a male counsellor. If it is awkward and weird, you should be allowed to switch to a female, otherwise if the trust isn't there, it isn't going to work.
Well I'm not you, but personally I think the whole thing sounds dodgy AF. In fact I think it's completely inappropriate for the NHS to refer you without asking first if you wanted to see a female counsellor. I've had "normal" counselling and even then I insisted on seeing a woman. I wouldn't go to a male gynaecologist either. Men can read as much political and sociological stuff as they like, but at the day they will never fully understand the ins and outs of everyday life for women. They will never understand how much men intrude on our lives. I can barely even walk down the street without some bloke commenting on my body, so I have no idea why anyone would think I was okay with discussing my private parts with a complete stranger. No no no.