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Male counsellor, would you go along?

(19 Posts)
florenceswashingmachine Mon 11-Jun-18 23:35:08

Been refered via NHS for specialist therapy following gynae problems - gynaecologist refered me, it's called psychosexual counselling. Part of it is learning to live with long term/life long problems, part of it is managing feelings towards me, attitudes about sex etc. I got a leaflet and it mentions 'homework' etc too.

The referal went through pretty quickly and I got a phone call today , offered an appt Wednesday. It's with a male counsellor.

I am sure he will be 100% professional, will have heard it all before etc. I'm just a bit concerned about what to expect, and wondering how to talk comfortably with him , when I can hardly talk to anyone. I know it wouldn't be easy with anyone male or female though.

Is it worth ringing and asking to see a lady, which would probably be a longer wait, or should I give it a chance first?

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Jun-18 23:37:19

I'd give it a go. Counselling really relies on you being able to connect, and it isn't always who you'd expect.
Good luck x

florenceswashingmachine Mon 11-Jun-18 23:55:03

Thank you flowers

I've had counselling twice before , with a male, and several times with ladies. Only twice have I really felt, wow that has helped. Both CBT, once with an older male psychologist and once with a lovely lady through my work's OHS.

Hopefully this is the same, but talking about women's health with a man won't be easy!

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Jun-18 23:56:57

It won't, and I'd it feels impossible tell him and ask for a woman, but it might be there's something about him that means you can open up so worth a try

florenceswashingmachine Wed 13-Jun-18 23:11:37

I went along and he was nice, but it felt very strange talking about it all with him. Homework is as I thought too. I've never even been in a relationship, to hear him talking about 'clitoral stimulation' (for instance) was so odd. Every time he asked a question though he apologised for the nature of them first.

Buckingfrolicks Wed 13-Jun-18 23:23:30

I hope the homework pays off. And good on you for going. smile

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Wed 13-Jun-18 23:29:15

I have to say I would feel hugely uncomfy with that. Do what you feel is best but remember you have a right to dignity.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Wed 13-Jun-18 23:30:38

....I was assuming in posting that there were further sessions!

Fitzsimmons Wed 13-Jun-18 23:35:53

Hmm, I'm not sure how I would feel in your particular situation but I have recently completed a course of CBT with a very young male counsellor (newly qualified). It felt awkward at first as I didn't think he would be able to understand my circumstances at all but it ended up working really well. Well done for going, I hope it works out well for you.

SleepingStandingUp Wed 13-Jun-18 23:42:26

Well done for going, just trust yourself that if him being a man isn't ok that it is ok to say so. Or if actually the whole thing is bloody weird that it doesn't actually matter, that is ok too

purpleorchidwhite Thu 14-Jun-18 02:32:08

I've had counselling over the years. The only one I ever 'clicked' with happened to be male.

I achieved more in 6 sessions than I'd achieved in years.

It really is the person not the gender.

Give it a go. You'll know fairly quickly.

purpleorchidwhite Thu 14-Jun-18 02:32:54

Sorry, just read your update...

florenceswashingmachine Thu 14-Jun-18 10:48:32

I think it was the fact that he said treatment for vaginismus involves introducing penetration into arousal. Essentially I'd be asked to go home and masturbate and report back on how I got on? Or that's how I understood it. I think if I was in a couple and he or she was attending with me I'd feel fine but I'm on my own - and the bluntest of questions he asked me was whether I can orgasm. I'm not sure why he needed to know that (although I'm sure there's a reason).

Will think about it a bit over next couple of days. Part of me knows I'd feel weird with a woman too and I know his interest is solely professional so it shouldn't feel like a threat at all. Not easy!!

SleepingStandingUp Thu 14-Jun-18 11:50:20

If you want to know why he's asking, ask. It's ok to ask for the logic behind his thinking too.
Vaginismus is when the muscles contract so it's too painful to have sex? I'd imagine it's to know if you're able to relax sufficiently without penetration but like I said, why do you ask that" is perfectly valid.
I think its important to trust your instincts on his body language and tone etc.

Chipsahoy Thu 14-Jun-18 12:20:52

I adored my male counsellor. I told him all sorts of stuff about sex and desires and fears and fantasies. But it took me several yrs and I was there for help with sexual abuse recovery.
He was fantastic and professional all the time. However I needed that foundation of trust with him first. And I was always the one talking not the other way. I'm not sure I could do what you are doing with a male counsellor. If it is awkward and weird, you should be allowed to switch to a female, otherwise if the trust isn't there, it isn't going to work.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Thu 14-Jun-18 13:03:18

OP it is not about what he may or may not be feeling. I would do him the credit to assume he is 100% professional and thinks no more about you than he does the football results.

But it is okay for you to find it weird. I was not going to return to this thread but I sense from your posts that you are not entirely okay with it?

You never have to do anything around sex you don't wamt to, remember that.

befairdontjudge Thu 14-Jun-18 19:36:32

No OP Florence I would not be comfortable about that at all. If you feel uncomfortable ask for a woman or contact PALS. Makes my toes curl thinking about it.

hungryhippie Thu 14-Jun-18 19:42:47

I wouldnt be comfortable talking about things like that with a man. I would definitely be asking for a woman.

tectonicplates Thu 14-Jun-18 20:03:52

Well I'm not you, but personally I think the whole thing sounds dodgy AF. In fact I think it's completely inappropriate for the NHS to refer you without asking first if you wanted to see a female counsellor. I've had "normal" counselling and even then I insisted on seeing a woman. I wouldn't go to a male gynaecologist either. Men can read as much political and sociological stuff as they like, but at the day they will never fully understand the ins and outs of everyday life for women. They will never understand how much men intrude on our lives. I can barely even walk down the street without some bloke commenting on my body, so I have no idea why anyone would think I was okay with discussing my private parts with a complete stranger. No no no.

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