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Please talk me down from my anxiety

(106 Posts)
hatenighttime Mon 11-Jun-18 21:07:20

Name changed for this but if it's obvious who I am please don't say as I had other threads related to this.

I've posted on here for traffic but I have had pain behind the ear/at the side of the jaw/ in my ear kind of radiating out toward my shoulder when it's at its worst.

I've been seen by my Gp, by the doctor at the ENT and I've been to a&e with it. I've seen an osteopath today who said I had a very stiff shoulder due to my poor posture and slight curvature of the spine which can be corrected.

I am utterly terrified and convinced that I have some form of cancer.

My mum died of cancer last year. So painfully, so so painfully. I was 9 months pregnant. 3 weeks later I gave birth. Maybe I've not grieved properly yet. Three weeks after mum passing away I had my baby and it's just been non stop since then. Sometimes I think I'm ok. If I wasn't in any kind of pain I would be ok maybe. But then sometimes the loss slams me with such force, it absolutely shatters me all over again.

Yesterday we went out for dinner with family and it took all of my strength and resolve to sit through it, heart pounding, feeling like I would collapse any second. I didn't , I know. But the pain makes me think all sorts.

I don't know why im posting this. Just to get it all out I guess. It's got to the point where each evening I start worrying about cancer and googling every little symptom and just going a bit crazy in my head. Dh is supportive in so many ways. He has sat with me through many nights and talked and talked and made tea and listened to my memories and my worries. He's reassured , he's tried, but last night he said he can't cope with it anymore. It was getting too much for him, that he has work stress and an impending house purchase/move that he is solely responsible for and he can't take much more on his plate sad

WutheringFrights Mon 11-Jun-18 21:10:04

Is it constant or does it come and go?
Could it be a migraine? My migraine radiates from my nose and ear down my neck into my shoulder blade.

hatenighttime Mon 11-Jun-18 21:13:18

Pressed send too soon.

I don't want to keep thinking about these awful things. Imagining my kids living without me, growing up without me. Imagining my dds feeling the way I do about my mum.
Panic attacks when I go out. Worrying myself sick every evening. Googling every symptom. But then a part of me thinks what if I do have cancer. What if the fear is real.

hatenighttime Mon 11-Jun-18 21:14:48

Wuthering it seems to be constant but it gets worse at times. It seems to be okish in the mornings and worse at this time.

Sometimes it feels like it's completely gone.

Birdofathousandvoices Mon 11-Jun-18 21:16:56

flowers sorry about your mum. Have you sought help for the anxiety? I’m the very same and currently having CBT

WutheringFrights Mon 11-Jun-18 21:21:39

I have suffered terrible health anxiety since firstly loosing my Dad and then suffering from pneumonia.
I totally understand the panic and dread you feel, mine is usually worse when I have a migraine attack as everything is heightened.
Do you take any painkillers or do anything to alleviate the pain?

WutheringFrights Mon 11-Jun-18 21:25:29

Your second post - I could have written!
I am constantly planning what would happen if I wasn’t here. I get chest pain and palpitations and think I’m going to had a heart attack - but it all in my head!
Obviously stopping googling would be a very good step!

Teenytinyvoice Mon 11-Jun-18 21:28:28

Irrespective of your physical health, you need to deal with your mental health urgently.

I have felt distress so severe that it manifested as physical pain, and it only went away when I had treatment for the mental health issues. Please go to your GP and make this a priority.

Perhaps a course of antidepressants to give you breathing space to deal with the other issues? I paid for private hypnotherapy, which eased my distress enough to deal with the underlying issue. Does your workplace offer an employee assistance scheme? You may be able to arrange counselling through them?

I think it’s extremely unlikely you have cancer - you are seeing specialists and they know what to look for. There is a path out of this for you, but you have to be brave enough to take the first step x

SureIusedtobetaller Mon 11-Jun-18 21:29:23

Handhold.
I have health anxiety.
Go to your GP and explain how you feel. You’ve had a huge amount go on and it’s not dealt with yet- wouldn’t surprise me if the pain was tension. Maybe some meds for a while. I promise you I know that feeling well and it’s vile. Have you seen a dentist? Could you be grinding/clenching your jaw?

helterskelter3 Mon 11-Jun-18 21:31:30

Oh my God, this could have been me 4 years ago. My Dad has died of cancer when I was pregnant and I became obsessed that I would leave my new baby motherless due to cancer.

I was CONSTANTLY googling symptoms. I think being off work from a pretty stressful job fed the fear as I suddenly became aware of aches and pains and lumps and bumps that were already there. I bought an online bowel cancer screening test,I re-found a lump in my neck that I’d had for years, ended up in a scan for that, I ended up with a head CT at one point for other ‘symptoms.’ I remember standing in the queue to check-in going on holiday and trying to pretend I was excited but all the time thinking that I was probably dying of cancer (I think that was when I thought I had tonsil cancer...). In short, it was awful. Baby was (still is) an excellent sleeper but I got zero sleep for his first year due to this issue.

In the end, I went to the drs, she gave me some anti-anxiety medication that I took for a short time, CBT (useless) and I got a book on health anxiety and somehow seeing my thought patterns on paper helped me to realise they were just that... in my head.

I still have the thoughts but the rational side of me kicks them into touch very quickly. The first thing the dr said to me was ‘stop Googling’ she said she would happily see me for every symptom but to stop Googling.

Much easier said than done though when you’re also looking for reassurance...

It gets better, I promise. Get yourself to the drs. Tonight, google health anxiety rather than cancer symptoms.

Nurse12345 Mon 11-Jun-18 21:33:41

I have this too. I experience anxiety and regularly have a pain behind my jaw going down to my neck and shoulder. I have had various tests and the doctor says it's anxiety related in that jaw clenching, tension etc causes all the pain. I also have migraines too so could also be that.
Just wanted you to know that you are not the only one to experience this.
Sorry about your mum flowers

hatenighttime Mon 11-Jun-18 21:40:38

I am still here . Sat here crying and reading all your replies.

Birdofathousandvoices Mon 11-Jun-18 21:51:15

@helterskelter3 was the book overcoming health anxiety by David Beale and Rob Willson?
Ive started it and felt the same about a wee story near the beginning.
@hatenighttime be kind to yourself. I second helter’s suggestion to google health anxiety.

BlatheringOn Mon 11-Jun-18 21:57:20

Is there a possibility that the jaw and ear pain might be from bruxism (teeth grinding). It is unconscious behaviour caused by stress. I had no idea I was doing it, but once my dentist made me aware I unclenched my jaw every time I noticed I was doing it and the pain has gone away. If you do google it ignore the horror stories - my teeth are fine.

Teenytinyvoice Mon 11-Jun-18 21:59:20

I agree on the jaw pain. I also have Avery sexy mouth guard smile

JennyOnAPlate Mon 11-Jun-18 22:02:20

I bet the pain is caused by stress/anxiety. I have the exact same thing and it's caused by jaw clenching and teeth grinding.

Failingat40 Mon 11-Jun-18 22:03:04

I suffer too. The whole shebang.

The ear pain will be TMJ link here https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/causes/tmj

I had to get a horrible mouth guard at a cost of £95 to wear at night to try and stop teeth grinding. I can't wear it and stil suffer pain on and off when I'm tense. The alternative is maxillofacial surgery.

A good relaxant may help short term

elephantscanring Mon 11-Jun-18 22:05:45

Have you sought help for your anxiety?

I’m not surprised your h is getting fed up.

There is no point googling symptoms. You’ll just scare yourself and you won’t get any answers.

Have you made an appt with your gp?

That’s your first step.

Then buy a book on anxiety and start doing some mindfulness/meditation. There are loads of things you can do to break the thought cycle. You need to google those and try them instead of googling symptoms.

SureIusedtobetaller Mon 11-Jun-18 22:05:57

I also have the sexy mouth guard!
There’s a lot of us out there OP- you don’t have to feel this awful for ever.
I have ups and downs but I can recognise the spiral now and have ways of reducing it.

hatenighttime Mon 11-Jun-18 22:43:05

I haven't got help for my anxiety yet. I think I'm just beginning to realise it's anxiety.

I am going to go see my Gp
Tomorrow.

Should I ask for a scan for my neck? (I know I know but it will make me feel more reassured)

SureIusedtobetaller Mon 11-Jun-18 22:55:33

No because the checking feeds the cycle- you’ll feel relief for a bit then it will be something else. If they thought it was serious you’d have been referred.

elephantscanring Mon 11-Jun-18 23:09:05

No. Don’t ask for a scan. Tell him your anxiety symptoms.

But you can do a lot to help yourself too. There’s loads of info out there.

hatenighttime Tue 12-Jun-18 08:50:50

So many people going through the same this thing. thanksfor all those having had lost parents like me. It really is life changing in so many ways isn't it. x

Was going to make a Gp appointment today but dd2 is off sick from school so can't really go in.

Anyone got any good book suggestions ?

I've read that mouth sores are one symptom . Burnt the roof of my mouth yesterday with hot chocolate and now worrying that it was there before the burn, it isn't a burn, and in fact it was there all along and is a symptom. I know it sounds crazy, even I realise that writing it down, but I can't help but think it over and over again.

Dh gone to work and taken dd1 to school.

hatenighttime Tue 12-Jun-18 08:56:40

helter.. I've also had an mri for my head about six months ago! I've just remembered I was given some anti anxiety tablets (beta blockers because apparently they help headaches too ) when I first went for my headaches and was referred for my scan. My gp said he wanted to see me regularly after that even just to talk about things, but once I'd had the scan results I never went again and binned the tablets.

It's my baby's birthday next month and I am approaching it with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and it really is an awful feeling sad

Teenytinyvoice Tue 12-Jun-18 09:55:23

flowers
I have been where you are, and all I can say is please don’t put off the doctors. Please treat this with all th urgency you are applying to your physical symptoms- it is affecting your life just as much if not more x

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