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If you knew myself & dh, would you be (even secretly) judging us?

(94 Posts)
Beachstroll Mon 11-Jun-18 09:32:56

Dh has been in his current job around 8 months, the company are relocating soon, which will mean a longer commute, and after much thought he's decided not to take up the new contract and enjoy a few months off as from 1st July, and start job hunting again in September. The reason some people (my parents & brother, his dad, and a couple of friends we met up with yesterday) are critical of this decision is because he also had last August & September off (after redundancy from his previous company where he'd been for 20 years). Company folded, still up for sale now and everyone was made redundant).

Btw we're not struggling financially due to these decisions, due to a v good redundancy payout and savings. I also work part-time.

We're both looking forward to summer, we have friends locally, and the sports dh does (and coaches people for) are dependent on good weather which he's hoping to take full advantage of!

We also have two DC in their teens who dh doesn't really get to see much of during the working week, so is looking forward to spending a bit more time with them, as well as with me.

We have a few weekends away planned, and events to go to. What people don't know is that dh & I had an informal split which went on for several years (living in the same house all that time but 'separate',) due to various tensions unresolved. Well I'm happy to say that's all been resolved and for the last year or so we've been close and 'back together', and are really enjoying each others company again, so for us having the summer off together is nothing but positive!

Despite dh always having been good at giving up time to help both our sets of parents out with DIY/gardening etc (which he'll be doing more of over next few months as he did last year), these are the comments we're getting -

'WHAT are you & him going to occupy yourselves with/HOW can you spend that amount of time together again and not go mad/it's alright for some/if it was us we'd be bored' etc etc.

Dh gets annoyed with me being bothered by what people think, but why can't people close to us be positive? We're not inconveniencing people or sponging off them, and I'd rather not have had to justify our summer to others anyway, I just keep being asked! He's not taking early retirement, he's just having his second 'break' in 30 odd years! He's 54, I'm 45.

Catsandkids78 Mon 11-Jun-18 09:34:46

Ignore them - clearly jealous of the time off . I know I would be

amymel2016 Mon 11-Jun-18 09:34:58

I wouldn’t judge you at all, I’m just incredibly jealous! Sounds absolutely fab and if you can afford to do it then go for it!

SoyDora Mon 11-Jun-18 09:36:40

I’d be envious but I wouldn’t judge at all! We have lots of friends who are teacher couples and have the whole summer off together. It sounds lovely to me.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Mon 11-Jun-18 09:37:10

Your DH is right just ignore them. If it's financially viable why not enjoy a relaxed summer together, going where you want when you want rather than having to wait for the weekends when places are heaving. It's unfortunate that those close to you are putting a downer on it but it says more about them.

Picklepickle123 Mon 11-Jun-18 09:38:50

I wouldn't be surprised by comments if it was me, but that's what I expect from my family! As long as they're not being rude, just smile and nod. If they are...then don't invite them round anymore.

Fabellini Mon 11-Jun-18 09:38:51

I’m not judging at all - the reasons you’ve given for him wanting to do this are perfectly understandable, but if I was a friend or relative of yours I might be a little bit worried.
At the age your husband is, and the fact that he’s leaving his last job after only a few months, might mean it’s not that easy to find something else when he decides it’s time to return to the workforce.
Do you have enough money saved that if it takes longer you’ll be able to manage ok?

Hoppinggreen Mon 11-Jun-18 09:38:58

Sounds great, I would probably have some practical concerns but I wouldn’t judge at all

JuicySwan Mon 11-Jun-18 09:40:38

I wouldn’t judge you at all. However I judge you for the use of “myself”

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 11-Jun-18 09:41:01

Sounds a lovely thing to do, ignore them. (If he doesn’t find another job easily they’ll be saying “I told you so” but it’s a risk I’d take)

Threewheeler1 Mon 11-Jun-18 09:41:09

That sounds great to me!
Opportunities like that rarely come around so I'd say enjoy it, ignore what people say.
Sounds like you can cover it financially and are in no way going to be a burden to others.
Perhaps it's a touch of envy behind the questions you've been getting?
Hope you have a lovely summer. Just make the most of the time together and have fun!

KirstenRaymonde Mon 11-Jun-18 09:42:54

I judge you a little bit for using ‘myself’ incorrectly in your title. The word you’re looking for is me (what is this current obsession with using myself everywhere?)

But your post? Not at all. It’s nice to take a break. I’d love DP and I to get two months off together. Ignore them and enjoy yourselves.

Slartybartfast Mon 11-Jun-18 09:43:28

I would probably advise it is easier to get a job when you have a job, and that the summer in August is not always all its cracked up to be!
i would be concerned he would not find another job as easily as he thought he would mainly.

notacooldad Mon 11-Jun-18 09:43:44

I have no idea why other people have so much negative input on other people's life choices.
I've learned not to give to much away then it's not up for discussion and if people do start commenting negatively, especially when their opinion hadn't been asked for I just shut the conversation down, what works for you and your family is your business.

If they keep asking just shrug and say there's nothing you can do about it because the contract doesn't start until September or make a joke about it s like being back at school and having the summer off.

Otherwise just tell them to bore off!

letsdolunch321 Mon 11-Jun-18 09:43:59

It is yours & dh life, you don’t have to answer to anyone.

Lots of people will be jealous & judge - let them judge away.

To both of you enjoy what you are doing.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 11-Jun-18 09:44:10

I wouldn’t get into discussions about it either.

You don’t need to justify his/your decision to anyone else.

Kiwiinkits Mon 11-Jun-18 09:44:22

Nope. I would think it was great. Life's too short to worry about what other people think about this stuff anyway, it's your life!

frasier Mon 11-Jun-18 09:44:29

I wouldn’t judge you, just be anxious for you that he could get back into to work easily, but if that’s not an issue, then what’s to judge?

Slartybartfast Mon 11-Jun-18 09:44:43

and of course this work Break may become longer, not such fun in the bad weather.

seafoodeatit Mon 11-Jun-18 09:45:12

I wouldn't judge you, I wouldn't worry about those that do either, people who want to find a fault will always find a way.

notacooldad Mon 11-Jun-18 09:46:24

I got sidetracked.
He starts job hunting in September !
Even so, I wouldn't entertain the negativity and bat it straight back.

OyO Mon 11-Jun-18 09:47:19

Yeah I’d judge the ‘myself’ clanger but the rest is really nothing to do with anyone but the two of you, it’s odd that those around you feel the need to comment on it.

Judashascomeintosomemoney Mon 11-Jun-18 09:47:35

Wow lucky you two and DCs sounds idyllic, have a wonderful time and cheerily ignore all of the little green eyed monsters. wink

Trampire Mon 11-Jun-18 09:48:14

Oh ignore ignore ignore.

My DH is off until July. He's been off most of May too. The reason? - he works in the film industry and the film he was contracted to work on has been delayed for a few months.
We too are ok financially (we are both self employed and used to saving big chunks for these situations). Plus I'm working pretty much full time.

I'd say it's pure jealousy.

My dh has loads of plans. He's ana big at carpentry and us currently building a wooden long house at the bottom of our garden! grin He's NO WAY bored!

AnnieAnoniMouser Mon 11-Jun-18 09:49:43

To be honest, I don’t see any of those comments as criticising you or being judgemental - they’re basically just saying I wouldn’t want to do that.

If I was your friend I would think
(and say) That’s lovely - but if it was me I’d get another job FIRST with a start date late September (or whatever) because I wouldn’t relax for worrying about getting another job’.

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