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Feeling lonely after coming home from uni

(23 Posts)
candlejar Thu 07-Jun-18 21:13:19

I have just finished my first year of university, and in a way I'm not looking forward to four months of summer. I've never had loads of friends, and I suffered from severe loneliness in my last year of school, but I've made a reasonable handful of friends at university, which for me is an achievement. I'm not very close to them though, and I don't really have any friends at home, and I'm lonely already.

I do have one friend near me, but she has depression and so often doesn't reply to my messages for days on end, and doesn't always feel up to doing things together. None of which is her fault, but it just adds to my isolation. I have a couple of acquaintances at home but I couldn't ask to do something with them one on one as they're all a group and I only really fit into it through my friend who suffers from depression. I don't have anyone I can just meet up with for lunch, or a walk or to go to the cinema. I'm not good at making friends because I lack confidence and I don't know how to find people who don't just want to go out drinking all the time. I don't even have anyone here who I can text for a chat. It's just hard.

LIZS Thu 07-Jun-18 21:16:24

Could you get holiday work ?

florenceswashingmachine Thu 07-Jun-18 21:19:19

Are you at your parents? I know the feeling... I've a job interview next week thankfully but it does feel like a very long summer!! I'm not one for alcohol or pubs etc either. Prefer coffee or a quiet walk.

Petitepamplemousse Thu 07-Jun-18 21:22:14

Do you have any money to go away?
There’s a company called Angoville who provide free accommodation in Europe if you are willing to teach English for a few hours a day.
Or go volunteer in Calais or something not too expensive to get to....
when I’m feeling sad and alone, I like to do something adventurous. It makes me feel better and as a student it used to help my self esteem.

Undercoverbanana Thu 07-Jun-18 21:24:21

Aren’t you working for the summer? Lots of opportunities to meet new people there maybe?

noeffingidea Thu 07-Jun-18 21:38:25

I recommend a holiday job. My son doesn't socialise much when he's at home and working helps to pass the time, as well as giving you the opportunity to meet new people. Some work places are really nice and treat their temporary staff as one of the team, including them in social events.

GeorgeTheHippo Thu 07-Jun-18 21:41:31

It's hard to keep moving from place to place. Disorientating. Look after yourself - eat well, exercise, sleep as well as you can and keep really busy.

chickenchip Thu 07-Jun-18 21:44:46

A holiday job can be great over summer - and you get to save some cash! Either that or try meet up groups - events like walks and stuff tend to attract people that don't want to drink all the time!

GlassHeart1 Thu 07-Jun-18 22:29:58

Check out local meet up groups, there are lots of activities on there.

MiddleMoffat Thu 07-Jun-18 22:38:40

Volunteer for something

goodgym here is a good place to look if you can run

BackforGood Thu 07-Jun-18 23:02:42

Another advocating finding a holiday job.
Or even volunteering if you can afford that.

dingdongdigeridoo Thu 07-Jun-18 23:36:28

Can you spend your summer in uni city? I lived off campus for second and third year, so eventually just got a year round tenancy as it was so much more exciting than my home town! Also, it was a tourist spot, so way more summer jobs and a lot of my friends stuck around during the holidays.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 Fri 08-Jun-18 00:37:27

I know the feeling, it can be hard. Def. do some brisk walks (endorphins!), cook/bake and for goodness sake get a holiday job or volunteer! Working at a care home for the elderly is a great way to put things into perspective, and I mean that in the most non-patrionizing way possible.

chickenchip Tue 12-Jun-18 09:36:15

How are you getting on OP?

candlejar Wed 13-Jun-18 15:56:39

Thanks for all your suggestions. Yes, I'm at my childhood home for the summer. I would like to get a job but that's always been problematic for me due to low self esteem and confidence. I really struggle with interviews, and it's a vicious circle really as it makes my self confidence worse.

@chickenchip thanks for asking flowers I'm actually struggling a bit today, I find it hard to find the motivation to actually go out and do things by myself so I've had one too many days at home I think. I know I just need to get over myself and do something but right now I just feel so lonely and sad. I was reading a thread earlier and someone mentioned having a girly night with a film and manicures and that made me upset because I don't even have anyone to do that with really.

Kezzie200 Wed 13-Jun-18 16:04:12

It wilk be good experience to try for some summer jobs or volunteering. Even if you dont get them the experience is invaluable.

Nairobiblue Wed 13-Jun-18 16:07:56

I've moved countries quite a bit and I've found Meetup to be invaluable in finding groups of like minded people. Also, if you have a dog at home, try to find dog walking groups where you can walk and talk too. I struggle with depression and sometimes I can't get out of bed but I've found I have to force myself out of my comfort zone and usually have the best time. Good luck OP.

chickenchip Wed 13-Jun-18 16:08:17

Oh dear OP it must be very daunting for you. I hope you find the strength to change things or they will just stay the same. Do you do any activities or sports / things where there is an activity to talk about? Makes a good icebreaker.

Did you try looking at Meet Up?

Which of the suggestions posed do you think you could try?

GlitterGlue Wed 13-Jun-18 16:08:55

Why don’t you look up the careers people where you live and see if they can help you with a mock interview. nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/contact-us/home

There might also be other support for young people in your area.

If that’s not possible there is some good online advice. Maybe watch some interviews online for tips? Casual work, such as serving food/drink at events, often requires a minimal interview. Adecco (an agency) has an app for casual work. adia.com/uk/

And look into voluntary work. It’s great for building confidence and also looks good on your CV for when you finish uni.

SnuggyBuggy Wed 13-Jun-18 16:14:25

I second volunteering and maybe trying to get into a bit of a routine.

LIZS Wed 13-Jun-18 16:18:12

Agree about volunteering. There may be a voluntary service office in the area or look at do-it website. Lots of community events need volunteers to marshall cars, set up and clear away etc

neighneigh Wed 13-Jun-18 16:18:23

Go and see if your local charity shop needs help, it's actually quite satisfying tiding bookshelves etc and you won't get tied down with interviews or in contracts etc. And you can get away with not being terribly sociable, hiding in the back and sorting stuff, until you're ready. For what it's worth, I absolutely hated and struggled terribly socially at uni in my first year. Wept to parents on the phone, come and get me etc etc. Somehow I stayed and in my third year, I met my now husband and that was 17 years ago. So stick with it, uni can open so many doors, but it is tough.

LIZS Wed 13-Jun-18 16:44:47

Local libraries may want volunteers, to help with sorting books, activities and kids' reading schemes

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