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Stupid argument with DH

(65 Posts)
londonpia Sat 26-May-18 22:39:01

He's slightly drunk and pissed off (football) and I'm sober and ratty (tired, running around making sure everyone has eaten/we are ready for busy day tomorrow whilst he relaxes with guests).

He tells me to change the channel (the end of the match) then disappears. He then comes back into the room and asks if I've done it and I say (or snap, apparently) "yes I have. " Then I get a sarcastic rant about him being mystic meg, and his crystal ball isn't working. How was he supposed to know I'd change the channel, etc. He leaves the room and then suddenly storms back in demanding a word. We go upstairs and he rants about how dare I speak to him like that, I've embarrassed him, I've snapped at him. Blah fucking blah.

End result is he is downstairs with his friend and I'm in bed. He's sleeping on the sofa apparently. Suits me bloody fine cos he'll be snoring his head off.

I hate arguing. I apologised, because I hate him being angry with me. I don't feel like I've done anything wrong but it's just easier to say sorry. Except he's fucking livid. So no sorry will cut it.

What do I do? I'm gutted. Laying here, holding back the tears, but I didn't do anything wrong. Ordinarily I'd ask him to come to bed but he's really pissed me off.

How do I remain calm in the morning? He's so angry with me but I can't apologise again. Why should I? What do I do?

TooMinty Sat 26-May-18 22:51:01

Don't apologise again, it's him who owes you an apology. I'd just avoid him until your guests leave/be coldly polite. If it's a one-off and he apologises then fine. If he regularly leaves you to do all the work while he relaxes and talks to you with no respect then you need serious relationship talks/change of behaviour from him.

TERFragetteCity Sat 26-May-18 22:53:51

Doesnt domestic violence escalate on big football days?

I'd lock the door and get a good nights sleep, and think about your future with this arsehole once you get up tomorrow.

AnneProtheroe Sat 26-May-18 22:54:07

I'll hazard a guess that he won't even remember in the morning.

Wolfiefan Sat 26-May-18 22:55:26

Since when did you become the remote control to change the channel on demand.
Drunk and arsey? Hope he likes the sofa. He might be there a while.

londonpia Sat 26-May-18 22:57:26

TER, I'm not at risk. He won't come near me, he is too pissed off. He'd never hurt me, he's just very, very angry.

Unfortunately we have the whole day as a family together tomorrow. Friend is tagging along, and we are meeting others. I'll definitely be polite and say the bare minimum. I guess as so many others will be there then we can avoid each other and he can (hopefully) calm down.

katmarie Sat 26-May-18 22:57:56

There's two schools of thought on late night arguments I think, some people say never go to bed on an argument unresolved, others say don't argue if one or both of you have been drinking. I would heed the second one, take a deep breath, and try and get some sleep, and tackle it in the morning when you have the house to yourselves. Hopefully he will realise he was an ass and apologize.

Wolfiefan Sat 26-May-18 22:58:21

You don't have to go if he's going to be vile. Do your own thing.

londonpia Sat 26-May-18 22:59:47

Anne- he will. Drunk as he is, he's got a good memory! And he won't apologise for being a drunken twat!

I actually said "I'm really sorry. I hate upsetting you and I hate you hating me". He looked right through me. Total overreaction but so horrible.

londonpia Sat 26-May-18 23:00:49

Wolfie. Exactly. What if I was happy watching what I was watching anyway? Why SHOULD I turn it over?!

AnneProtheroe Sat 26-May-18 23:01:25

That's awful. sad so sorry.

londonpia Sat 26-May-18 23:02:14

Wolfie, it's an event for my son so I have to go, unfortunately. A whole day! I think DH would be happy for me not to go which is heartbreaking

londonpia Sat 26-May-18 23:03:25

Kat, I agree on both counts. Unfortunately, he doesn't. And now he's have a nice little evening and I'm trying to stop crying. Fucker.

SantaClauseMightWork Sat 26-May-18 23:05:19

How can he dictate? After being an arse himself? Make sure you go, no matter what.

gamerchick Sat 26-May-18 23:07:34

Sounds like he know exactly what to do to chase you to bed so he can have a proper drinking session with his mate.

TooMinty Sat 26-May-18 23:07:36

I think once your friends have gone, you need a serious talk with him. Why won't he apologise? Does he really think it's acceptable to order you around and shout at you if (allegedly) you "snap" at him? He can give up drinking if he gets like this when drunk.

Cheeseislife Sat 26-May-18 23:08:19

It is in no way a justification for him to speak to you like that at all, but that match was an absolute carbuncle, not just the usual defeat if that makes you feel a tiny bit better even. My DP was close to tears ranting about it. Does this sort of this sort of thing happen often?

letsdolunch321 Sat 26-May-18 23:09:17

What a selfish pig he sounds. Suppose it is your fault the football was crap as well !!!

Been where you are lovely, get sleep as tomorrow you will be expected to get everything organised for the day out.

If he wants to score points by being a twat his problem not yours

gamerchick Sat 26-May-18 23:09:41

*
I actually said "I'm really sorry. I hate upsetting you and I hate you hating me". He looked right through me. Total overreaction but so horrible

While you try to pacify his overreaction like that he'll continue to treat you with contempt. Don't you ever stand up for yourself and tell him to piss off?

londonpia Sat 26-May-18 23:16:17

I was trying to pacify him because he was so angry and I wanted to calm him down. I didn't care that I wasn't in the wrong. He wouldn't listen to reason (I tried to fight my corner first), so I tried a different tactic. Neither worked so I don't know what else o should have done.

The result definitely contributed. He's not a Liverpool fan but wanted them to win and felt so strongly about the result. His team always loses but he doesn't get like he did tonight.

I just feel so sad right now. Going to try to sleep. Thanks for your lovely replies. Don't feel so alone. X

Zaphodsotherhead Sat 26-May-18 23:18:46

In the morning can you maybe (if he gives you the chance to talk) say 'Okay, you think I snapped at you. Well, I think you talked to me like a skivvy, actually, and I'm not prepared to take that.' And see what he says.

Who died and made you the remote control?

DontDrinkDontSmoke Sat 26-May-18 23:18:55

Don’t apologise to him. He’s a massive abusive bellend.

What a fucking drama queen he is about changing the channel...would he have burst into flames if you hadn’t? What a vile prick he is.

DontDrinkDontSmoke Sat 26-May-18 23:20:41

Just read your update. He’s not even a Liverpool fan? He’s a complete arse. Does he do this kind of thing to you often?

Tansytaylor Sat 26-May-18 23:28:08

For god sake woman, do t apologise, you're behaving like a doormat.

Only ever apologise if something is your fault. To say sorry to placate a man is the way madness lies

Wolfiefan Sat 26-May-18 23:34:31

He's angry. So. A grown up doesn't take that out on their partner. It's not your job to pacify him. Sod that.

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