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(17 Posts)
ElinorCadwaller Sat 26-May-18 21:43:22

I've been 8 years 8 weeks in training. I've practised my Kata at home. And now, finally, I've gained my belt in baby-jitsu. Yes, that's right. I have mastered the art of changing a shitty nappy in the wild-sitting on a bench with the baby held off my lap. Not sure what colour belt this is though? Please share your most skilful moments...

ElinorCadwaller Sat 26-May-18 21:43:54 I can work out a grading

Wellthisunexpected Sat 26-May-18 21:47:23

brown,obviously grin

DelurkingAJ Sat 26-May-18 21:47:54

Catching flying vomit in your hands so it doesn’t go on whatever it would otherwise have done then, for extra points, getting small child into bathroom to hose you both down without spreading the mess.

ElinorCadwaller Sun 27-May-18 12:27:50

Wellthisis missed a trick there didn't I

I feel like I was fairly well-prepared for motherhood but I didn't quite realise how much of my day would be determined by pooing. DS (8 weeks) has done five since 3am, which means he's basically been awake the whole time and getting increasingly annoyed about it.

CigarsofthePharoahs Sun 27-May-18 12:33:04

The next stage is the Stealth Nappy.
When your child does a massive stinker just as they've gone to sleep. You've spent ages settling them off, so you really don't want to wake them. So, can you be so delicate and fast to change that nappy without waking them?
I have managed this feat only once.
DH has managed it, he sent me a text to say he'd managed it, only to realise I'd left my phone behind and it was on the side next to the baby. That woke the baby.
Of course, then you've got the whole business of Toddler Judo where you have to wrestle them every single nappy change.

Sidge Sun 27-May-18 12:35:09

I opened this thinking it was going to be about a new baby class, along the lines of baby yoga, and was thinking “what the actual fuck”...

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 27-May-18 12:39:16

I thought this thread was going to be babies doing jujitsu. I almost died on the spot from adorablenessgrin

ElinorCadwaller Sun 27-May-18 19:48:16

Cigars that's almost certainly beyond me, I'm impressed. There's a 20-minute phase of swivel-eyed light sleep before he drops off properly, no way would I be able to get at his nappy!

Hmmalittlefishy Sun 27-May-18 19:52:19

Of course you have the comando crawling or stealthily hopping over creaky floorboards to exit the room once the baby is asleep.
Extra points for not falling asleep yourself first and for not tripping on something or dropping something as soon as you've got out t he door

Hmmalittlefishy Sun 27-May-18 19:54:02

There's also the one handed one footed move of trying to bend a toddler who is as stiff as a board and sliding down the buggy as they refuse to get in. You need one hand to bend t hem, one to fasten the straps like lightening and a foot to stop the buggy flying off backwards into people/cars/shopping

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Sun 27-May-18 20:25:28

Stage 2 is surely impossible Cigars?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Sun 27-May-18 20:28:34

Hmm I used to just karate chop them in the stomach to get them to double up. 😂

Hmmalittlefishy Sun 27-May-18 20:42:19

I didn't specify what action the one hand did perfectly! grin wink

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo Sun 27-May-18 20:43:20



ElinorCadwaller Sun 27-May-18 20:50:48

fishy I think the nightingale floor was invented by a baby. We have one singing floorboard in the doorway confused

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Tue 29-May-18 08:54:46

Hmm 😂😂😂😂😂

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