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Sad 11 year old boy 😞

(24 Posts)
2Kids2Cats1BigKid Thu 24-May-18 14:19:08

My heart broke a little bit yesterday 💔 My son went on an outdoor pursuits day with school that he was really looking forward to. He's always had issues with fine motor skills - eg:fastening buttons, zips, using a ruler etc...but he's just kept muddling through until he got it. The teacher they went with yesterday knows him very well, but won't make allowances for his lack of ability with fiddly things and my son was told off because he'd not adjusted his hard hat strap properly, not put a harness on properly and apparently his trainer laces kept coming undone, which the teacher did begrudgingly fasten for him.Its not that my son DOESN'T want to do things it's just he finds it difficult and it really got to him yesterday. He ended up laying in bed asking me to help him learn how to tie his laces (I've been trying unsuccessfully for about 6 months!) and could I make him into a 'normal' 11 year old,not someone who acts like they're 8 😢 He's worried about going to senior school in September and he thinks he'll get bullied if he can't do the things he's expected to do. I felt like crying for him 😖

kaytee87 Thu 24-May-18 14:20:22

Have you had him looked at for dyspraxia?

CurbsideProphet Thu 24-May-18 14:20:44

I don't really have anything useful to say, to I'll just give you some flowers brew until more knowledgeable posters come along.

DuchyDuke Thu 24-May-18 14:21:28

Has he been diagnosed? If not that might help to get the school to understand.

Mulberrysilk Thu 24-May-18 14:23:06

Speak to an OT

cestlavielife Thu 24-May-18 14:23:31

Ask to get him properly assessed and diagnosed e.g. dyspraxia

There are standard assessments an OT can do.... to see what is tricky and why eg kow tone or hypermobility or dyspraxia ....with proper assessment and diagnosis you can get some programmes in place to support him e.g. over summer holidays .

cestlavielife Thu 24-May-18 14:23:54

Low tone not kow

Flexoset Thu 24-May-18 14:25:13

Dyspraxia assessment.

Elastic shoelaces - lots of colours on Amazon. Tie them once and just keep them tied - pull shoes on and off. Fake it till you make it!

Mannix Thu 24-May-18 14:25:28

Agree with the above. It's a good idea to get things in place to support him at secondary school. Dyspraxia does sound like a possibility.

2Kids2Cats1BigKid Thu 24-May-18 14:26:41

He's never been diagnosed with anything, just late development. We were up and down to CAHMS like a yo-yo when he was younger. He can't do things for months then just seems to do it. Drives me insane tbh!!! He's just done his SATS and he was in a small group that had extra time due to learning / writing difficulties and he's been fairly positive with them. I just feel so sorry for him. Lots of the other kids in his class seem far older than him,if that makes sense.

2Kids2Cats1BigKid Thu 24-May-18 14:33:40

Would I ask at school for a dyspraxia assessment or would I go through the doctors?

Chocolateandjam Thu 24-May-18 14:34:41

Just with regard to tying shoe laces. I have just bought Lacemups from the Fantastic Dyspraxic website for my DS. It is a little tool that makes tying shoe laces much easier. It comes with a key ring so is easy to take out and about with you.

My boy has never been able to tie shoe laces, and now he can do it.

2Kids2Cats1BigKid Thu 24-May-18 14:35:26

Brilliant smile

CustardOmlet Thu 24-May-18 14:36:48

School should lead on a dyslexia/dyspraxia assessment, it’s done by educational psychologists. Speak to school about getting an assessment.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Thu 24-May-18 14:50:35

Another shoe lace idea, but has he tried the z method? He might find it less fiddly and the knots lie in such a way that they don’t tend to come undone.

hestia2018 Thu 24-May-18 14:51:51

My DS 10 struggles with lots of these things too. He has had OT sessions which have helped a lot. He has hypermobility in his wrists and just general lack of coordination, lack of spacial awareness, and struggles with fine motor skills. Because of the OT reports, I have been able to explain to his teachers why he struggles with handwriting and sports, for example. He does get things in the end (like riding a bike) but just takes him longer.
So I would definitely recommend seeing an OT - they are quite different to CAMHS and will give practical exercises and advice.

It is hard though as it can affect their confidence when they see other children doing things they find difficult. We have had to do a lot of work to build my DSs confidence. We give him lots of praise for all the things he is good at (in his case, reading) and then just try and support him for the things he struggles with. We try and find activities where he can feel good about himself. He was finding team sports hard, so we do individual sports (eg swimming, climbing, martial arts) where he is only competing against himself. He is very kind and loving and funny so I tell him this a lot. I think it’s working, as although he knows he is ‘different’, I have noticed he has started talking about himself in a more positive way.

I worry about secondary too. Our SENCO says nearer the time we’ll do some transition sessions and discuss areas he will need support in, could you look at that?

The teacher sounds very harsh and unsympathetic though sad

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams Thu 24-May-18 14:58:02

Shoelace tying. I think the video actually makes it look harder than it is!

My grandma has bad arthritis and finds this way much easier than the traditional way.

2Kids2Cats1BigKid Thu 24-May-18 15:07:14

Sounds exactly like my son. He's desperate to play for a football team but unfortunately his feet go one way and the ball goes another! 😍 We've had to let him down gently. Doesn't really help that his big brother makes life,school and sports look effortless and he wants to be just like him x The teacher in question, is possibly his favourite teacher of all time but he's obviously lacking training or something in this area. I might mention it to someone at his school.

2Kids2Cats1BigKid Thu 24-May-18 15:11:06

Thanks for this smile

MissionItsPossible Thu 24-May-18 15:14:23

Yes, I would say something to the teacher. I felt so sad reading that. flowers

TeenTimesTwo Thu 24-May-18 15:19:11

Both my DDs have motor skills in the bottom 1%, DD1 has dyspraxia diagnosis.

First, have a look through dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/
You can ask GP for an OT assessment, they will need a form filling from the school (probably secondary now).

Velcro trainers!

Contact secondary SEN department flagging up, but we found secondary very 'accepting'.

Consider teaching him touch typing, as if writing is a big issue then secondary may allow laptop use (and it's a useful skill anyway).

2Kids2Cats1BigKid Thu 24-May-18 20:26:43

Can I just say!!!! I'd literally JUST got off my phone from ordering a Lacemup and he decided to have another go at his laces.He only bloody well did it!!! 😂 shock Good job it was only £3. I could swing for him!!🤣

MissionItsPossible Fri 25-May-18 05:36:11

Yay! Pleased for you both OP grin

2Kids2Cats1BigKid Fri 25-May-18 18:30:38

Thanks. He's cheered up immensely!!!

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