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Jehovah Witness relationships

(39 Posts)
knockknockknock Thu 24-May-18 12:10:39

Wonder if anyone could give me any advice. My DS (15) is friendly with a girl who he'd like to ask out. He knows she is a JW and he believes that she would only be permitted to go out with another JW. Do you know if this is case?

We know both parents are also JW but from what we can gather (yes I know we can't really tell) they're not fanatical if that makes sense (sorry if that phrase isn't correct).

As a family we don't believe in any religion.

I know you can only give me general advice and that, as in all walks of life, people will have their own understanding and ways in which they follow the rules of a religion.

If it's going to be a non starter then he won't ask her as he doesn't want to make things awkward for her.

fantasmasgoria1 Thu 24-May-18 12:17:05

My friend used to be a jw. She wasn’t allowed to go out with someone who wasn’t a jw yet her father smoked and drank so sort of tailored their values to suit themselves!!!!!

BergamotMouse Thu 24-May-18 12:18:44

I imagine it's very variable but I had a friend who was a JW at school and she was never even allowed to come round to our houses to play.

GorgeousJaws Thu 24-May-18 12:20:58

I really can't see it being allowed, my school friend wasn't allowed to socialise outside school.

ZeroFuchsGiven Thu 24-May-18 12:22:10

I know a family of JW, they pretty much don't socialise outside of their religion.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Thu 24-May-18 12:31:25

At 16 she will be pulled out of academic education (no matter how bright she is - I saw it happen to someone with 10 A* GCSEs) and sent to do something vocational at college - childcare, admin or similar. I gather it's because the apocalypse is near and so there's no point in academic education (or something like that). It happened to two girls I was at school with and it was a dreadful waste - no idea what happened to them in the end as they don't seem to have a social media presence. It seems designed to limit their ability to earn a decent wage for themselves and leave the cult religion later on if they wish.

They're not exactly the most rational bunch.

Invisimamma Thu 24-May-18 12:33:45

My son had a JW friend and he wasn’t allowed to come to our house sad or meet outside of school (even the park!).

ZeroFuchsGiven Thu 24-May-18 12:34:55

My Friends wife was brought up JW and she is so damaged by her childhood, was home schooled, never allowed to socialise or go out, not allowed to college or to get a job. its took--is still taking-- her a long time to adjust to the 'real' world.

SkyZoomerChase Thu 24-May-18 12:38:39

I'd suggest him asking her if she'd date someone who wasn't a JW.
If she says no that's answered it without any awkwardness and if she says yes he can ask her.

ZeroFuchsGiven Thu 24-May-18 12:42:21

Maybe damaged is the wrong word but she is struggling now as an adult now she has a child of her own, realising all the tings she missed out on. Christmas, Birthdays, Parties,school, socialisation etc.

charlyn Thu 24-May-18 12:56:11

My oh was raised as a Jw and married another jw woman, he wasn’t allowed to date a non jw and they only mixed with others in the religion. He left when he was in his mid thirties after his mum died as he didn’t want to put her through having to disown him. He lost all his friends when he left who he had known since childhood which is sad. It’s cerainly a very damaging religion.

knockknockknock Thu 24-May-18 12:58:35

Thanks for the info - sounds like it's a no go then 😕

Dobbythesockelf Thu 24-May-18 13:00:14

There was a JW boy at my school and he wasn't allowed to socialise with people who won't JW's so I imagine she wouldn't be able to date a none JW. I may be wrong though. The only way to find out is if he asks her.

Perfectly1mperfect Thu 24-May-18 13:07:44

In the few I have known, they have not been able to date until 16 and then only other JW. I guess different families could be different though, your son would need to ask.

Yoksha Thu 24-May-18 13:14:54

I was in the cult for 32yrs. Believe me, their sole purpose is to recruit. The majority of the young JW's by contrast to a lot of the youth do seem like upstanding people. The sort you would want to be involved with. It it won't be allowed to blossom unless your son a) has a bible study. b) progresses to baptism. c) becomes a ministerial servant before the age of 25. d) doesn't go to university. It's frowned on in JW land. e) remains spotless in a moral sense. f) proves himself to have a good standing in the congregation. g) just tolerate your family/relatives unless they become worthy ( read a-g above for acceptable criteria). Then yeah encourage him to go for it.

I'm not going to go on a maniacal rant. But I wasted 32yrs+ of my life. I'm 61 now. Just be very cautious with this. Of course, be prepared for your son to want this. It might have to be a steep learning curve here.

ZeroFuchsGiven Thu 24-May-18 13:15:12

It’s cerainly a very damaging religion

I couldn't agree more with this.

KipppertheDog Thu 24-May-18 13:59:58

Oh my goodness. I had no idea what the religion was like. This thread is a bit of an eye-opener.

EastMidsGPs Thu 24-May-18 14:05:55

I think they have to be chaperoned.

UrgentScurryfunge Thu 24-May-18 14:09:03

One branch of my family has been involved with the JWs. One parent very into it but already married to an atheist so there was some balance. One child did get baptised; the expectations are higher then. She's since left the church and been shunned by the JWs. One made an approved marriage to another JW family... now divorced and good riddence to the scumbag. The others did their own thing. None were held back in terms of education/ career.

It's the relationships that have been toughest, and the tough social and "moral" expectations of the JWs have done a lot to damage relationships with the practicing parent.

I don't find it a Christian organisation in the slightest!

MorningsEleven Thu 24-May-18 14:10:00

Look at the issues surrounding JW and child abuse. Shocking.

annandale Thu 24-May-18 14:10:07

I think he should ask her if he can. She might be happy, or she might think there is no way out and that only other jw's would spend time with her. Maybe him asking her would be the start of a positive change for her. If she says she's not allowed, that's not a personal rejection.

SweetheartNeckline Thu 24-May-18 14:20:35

I have family who are JW.

They usually introduce young JW to other "suitable" JW. "Dates" are chaperoned right up until marriage. Friendships are strictly monitored and discouraged with those outside the faith.

Agree she will be discouraged from study for study's sake; girls need jobs that will be needed after the apocalypse (not caring profession, interestingly, as there'll be no disease) and boys usually get a trade.

Also agree re PP who referred to a cult.

Mulberrysilk Thu 24-May-18 14:21:03

My experience (not extensive, admittedly) has been that she will only be allowed socialise with your son if they see potential to convert him.

knockknockknock Thu 24-May-18 15:00:17

Bloody hell I knew there might be some problems but I'll be steering him away from any dating ideas 😬. He is quite a gullible person so don't want him getting into something he might regret at this young age.

Thanks everyone

MotherofKitties Thu 24-May-18 15:08:27

Hi OP,

I worked with a girl who was a devout JW and got to know her quite well. She said that if you're a JW you can date/marry anyone of any race or ethnicity, but they must be a JW otherwise the elders won't accept the relationship.

This might obviously be different from other JW families, but if your son asks her out it might be worth preparing him for the possibility that she will say no on that basis.

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