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MIL has read our private letters

(118 Posts)
BenevolentDictator Thu 24-May-18 09:32:36

I met DH when he was still living in his parents house (at college). We were apart for a while and wrote to each other. I had no idea that DH kept those letters (paper and pen letters).

Long story short, MIL is moving and she and SIL came across them recently and read them (SIL told us. She thinks it’s hilarious.) blushangry

DH is a stupid twit for leaving them in where two busybodies could get at them, MIL is disgusting for reading them, SIL is abusive for ridiculing me.

Not a lot I can do now. I told SIL that I would never trust her or MIL again. She just laughed. DH didn’t seem to care much until I reminded him what was in the letters. Then he got angry but is too embarrassed to say anything to his mum.

It makes me feel sick.

Ohsuchaperfectday Thu 24-May-18 09:41:45

Dreadful such a lack of respect

Rocinante1 Thu 24-May-18 09:43:35

Oh, I'd be reading them the riot act. But given their reaction of finding it hilarious, they won't care. So show them how you feel in other way; My relationship with them would change after that.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets Thu 24-May-18 09:43:39

That is appalling.
How utterly disrespectful.
I'd be absolutely seething and don't think I'd be able to look at her again.

Bowlofbabelfish Thu 24-May-18 09:44:27

No there isn’t much you can do about them having read them. What a breach of trust.

What you can do now is draw boundaries that suit you. Someone who breaches your trust is not to be trusted, and the natural consequences of that is that they are excluded from certain parts of your life. Which bits is up to you, but I’d be very sure they were never in a position to hear or know any personal information at all.

BenevolentDictator Thu 24-May-18 09:46:13

I don’t know what to do. There is a get together soon and I told DH I’m not going but then MIL will know I’m upset and probably tell everyone.

I could play it cool and just shake it off (“That’s 15 years ago, what do you expect I’d write?!”) but why should they be let off like that?

I don’t even know where the letters are now.

OliviaStabler Thu 24-May-18 09:47:45

If they think reading them was an ok thing to do, nothing you say will make them change their minds.

overnightangel Thu 24-May-18 09:50:11

Utterly disrespectful and inexcusable.
Don’t be too harsh on your husband though for leaving them in view, maybe he didn’t realise what a nightmare those family members are , it’s sweet that he kept the letters

BenevolentDictator Thu 24-May-18 09:55:14

They know they shouldn’t have read them. SIL was all giggles and “whoops!” about it.

I don’t know if MIL knows SIL has told us. She might be embarrassed if she knew, I don’t know. MIL is often embarrassed by SIL’s actions.

SandAndSea Thu 24-May-18 09:57:34

Why don't you want your mil to know you're upset? I think many of us would be in this situation.

BenevolentDictator Thu 24-May-18 09:58:49

angel He didn’t leave them in view. They were in boxes with his old toys and books from when he left his parents house (and we didn’t have the room at the time to store). They were in the attic or garage I expect and were gone through because MIL is moving.

RebootYourEngine Thu 24-May-18 10:00:44

I would go and be blase about it. Although i would be seething inside. It sounds like your SIL wants you to be embarrassed so dont give her that satisfaction.

Goldmonday Thu 24-May-18 10:01:36

What bitches! Don't go to the event, stand your ground. Let her tell everyone why you are upset with her and they can all tell her what an asshole she's been.

You already sound great at standing your ground with them so good for you wine

BenevolentDictator Thu 24-May-18 10:02:53

SandAndSea I don’t mind MIL knowing but if I don’t go to the get together, she’ll ask why, SIL will tell her (if she doesn’t know already) that I know, and MIL, who has no filter, will tell everyone why im not there and probably what was in the letters. She wouldn’t be able to help herself.

DGRossetti Thu 24-May-18 10:03:48

If they have that little respect for him, I'd be surprised if they have any for you ....

wizzywig Thu 24-May-18 10:04:20

Post photos of your sil's manky underwear on Facebook. That'll shut her up

BenevolentDictator Thu 24-May-18 10:06:41

goldmonday thanks.

reboot SIL loves to embarrass people.She loves someone else doing it while she laughs even more. It’s a dream come true situation for her.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 24-May-18 10:07:33

Honestly I think you need to shake it off.

They were wrong but I suspect their nosey overwhelmed them rather than doing it so they can and victimise you.

Without more back story etc I don't think her laughing is abusive - perhaps she thought you'd see the funny side.

You didn't, you have a right to be angry, and DH needs to ask for them back and make it clear it was inappropriate to read them.

If she makes any comment about the content, point out you never thought saying would be so rude as to read them other than DH

Sarah0574 Thu 24-May-18 10:09:51

I would have a calm word with your MIL before the party about how you feel violated by the invasion of privacy. If she is suitably apologetic then go to the party and if she or SIL starts talking about the letters give them a killer stare and just go home. Hopefully if you have a chat beforehand it won't be mentioned ever again.

Bowlofbabelfish Thu 24-May-18 10:10:29

I would go. Any ribbing id meet with a blank look of disinterest and a slightly disdainful ‘hmmm well going through private documents is a bit off... yes Bob (or whoever you’re talking to) MIL read all DH and I’s old love letters. So sweet he kept them. He’s upset of course, (shrug)...some people have no regard for privacy..’

And say that IN FRONT of others. Call her out, don’t show you’re upset, just keep an air of ‘oh what an awful icky thing to do... who does that?’ Then change the subject.

Breezy, slightly disappointed in them, high moral ground.

Then, you draw those boundaries. And if she doesn’t like them, tough.

ThisIsTheFirstStep Thu 24-May-18 10:10:34

I would not be able to talk to someone who did that AND then laughed about it.

How utterly immature.

robotcartrainhat Thu 24-May-18 10:11:26

why do you care if she tells everyone? Shes only embarrassing herself.. not you! If I heard anyone talking about how they had read someones private love letters id think they were and absolute twat of a human being. Do you honestly think any reasonable people will be up for hearing about these letters? Its grim and anyone normal would tell her she was a psycho at that get together, if she started to try and talk about it!!
So I wouldnt go if I were you because she deserves to see how angry shes made people. That behaviour is not okay. What an awful person she is!

BenevolentDictator Thu 24-May-18 10:13:01

You know, I think I’ll go to the thing and tell everyone myself what they did.

Not even SIL would dare joke about what was in the letters if people were appalled they had snooped, would she? Normal people would be appalled wouldn’t they?

I might just do some embarrassing of my own.

Time40 Thu 24-May-18 10:13:32

If they think reading them was an ok thing to do, nothing you say will make them change their minds

I agree, which is why only showing them how vile it is would make any impression - and for that reason, I'd go NC with them for at least a couple of years, and possible forever.

BenevolentDictator Thu 24-May-18 10:13:33

Oops cross posts

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