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My friend keeps going on about how fat she is, and she is the same size as me!

(23 Posts)
immortalmarble Tue 22-May-18 20:16:09

I do an exercise class with my friend and she has put on a bit of weight lately as she had a baby.

We are both ten stone something (quite high something!) so bmi overweight but not obese.

Anyway, my friend keeps saying she is ginormous, huge, disgusting, revolting, and so on! I will say she is not (she isn’t) but then she starts going on about how massive she is all over again.

I know it’s silly but it does upset me a bit as she must think I’m gross!

Sirzy Tue 22-May-18 20:17:01

Her feelings about herself are no reflection on how she sees you

Justmuddlingalong Tue 22-May-18 20:17:34

We all carry weight differently. I wouldn't take it as a comment about you, but how she feels about herself.

NotARegularPenguin Tue 22-May-18 20:20:30

She probably things you look slimmer/better. Women often compare themselves negatively to others. She may also view herself as being bigger than what she is. Especially if she used to being slimmer.

A friend of mine is just as thoughtless. Said to me once “I can’t believe how fat my sister has got, she’s huge, as big as you Penguin”. I was like hmm.

immortalmarble Tue 22-May-18 20:21:52

I understand that but it is a bit much! It’s not the odd ‘ooh I’ve gained weight’ but near constant references to walruses and the like. I feel huge now (so am eating pizza!)

Graphista Tue 22-May-18 20:23:42

No there's been numerous studies on this. Plus less scientific experiments - Anna Richardson dos one with teens in one of her documentaries.

Girls and women especially assess/view themselves as fatter/less attractive than they are and their friends the reverse.

Plus I bet if you had an in depth conversation with her you'd find its not just about weight, she's probably feeling uncomfortable about all the changes to her body as a result of pregnancy and birth as many women do

telling her she is not might seem kind but actually it's dismissive.

Something along the lines of "I don't think so but I appreciate you are feeling fed up, but look on the positive side, you've a lovely healthy baby, you're healthy. You're doing something to lose weight/become healthier and you won't always feel like this"

Depending how friendly you are you could even suggest a more in depth conversation at another time or recommend a baby group with a healthy body positive ethos?

Do you have DC?

Justmuddlingalong Tue 22-May-18 20:23:45

I agree it's annoying, but it's not directed at you.

immortalmarble Tue 22-May-18 20:32:53

Yes, I have children and I really do appreciate how horrible you can feel after pregnancy.

But it is not the odd comment I am speaking about. It is monologues of up to ten minutes of how enormous she is and apart from anything else it really isn’t very interesting blush

I have spoken to her about it before in a really kind way but I am just so bored of it now - mean, I know!

YerAuntFanny Tue 22-May-18 20:36:04

I really wouldn't take it to heart, she's probably more concerned about those new and unwanted wobbly/saggy/stretched bits that she's acquired post pregnancy rather than focusing on her actual weight.

I know myself that my view of myself is seriously warped and it's frustrating when people try to correct it!

At my biggest I was 18st, have always been very overweight, my Mum is the same height and shape as me (slimmer top, chunky bottom half) although slimmer so when I started Slimming World I had her figure in mind for my target.

We both weighed ourselves yesterday and I was 2lbs lighter than her, I've lost just under 6st but in my head I'm still twice her size! She feels huge at her current weight yet i am super excited to see it on the scale!

YerAuntFanny Tue 22-May-18 20:36:53

Sorry x-post

immortalmarble Tue 22-May-18 20:38:33

Well done on your weight loss smile

tenpencemixup Tue 22-May-18 20:38:35

I hate's thoughtless and doesn't take much to.consider other people's feeling. Sometimes I think people do it on purpose like a reverse compliment to make themselves feel better. My sil does it about all sorts, not just weight related. So she will moan about how she needs a holiday, having just got back from one abroad. Knowing full well that we can't afford one.

BrownTurkey Tue 22-May-18 20:40:51

I would just say excuse me, can you stop saying your weight is ginormous, since it is the same as mine, and I don’t wish to have that repeatedly emphasised.

user1471459936 Tue 22-May-18 20:47:49

Just agree with her that you are both overweight hence exercise class!

BotBotticelli Tue 22-May-18 20:55:58

I have a friend who does this and she is a stone lighter than me!! 🤬🤬🤬

puppymouse Tue 22-May-18 21:20:34

I totally sympathise but in my experience of people who put themselves down like this publicly, it's far more about insecurity on their part than it is about how they view size and weight generally. She honestly won't be thinking you look anything like that as all she will be focusing on is herself.

Khaleesi0 Tue 22-May-18 21:37:12

A slim 'friend' of mine mistook a colleague for me one day... my colleague was a size 26, I was a 16...

I think it's very much to do with how people view you.

I was gutted sad

RebelRogue Tue 22-May-18 21:42:35

My best friend is a size 10. I am a size 18.
She's desperately trying to lose some weight and is quite miserable. Like your friend she feels disgusting,unattractive,fat etc. She's very down about it all,and takes eating normally as a personal failure.
That is in no way a reflection on me. She'll actually tell me I'm pretty,or beautiful or how great i look in a certain outfit. She never once said I'm fat,or agreed with me that I am,and I actually am.grin
I think she looks fucking awesome tbh,but that isn't how she sees herself.

Shadow666 Tue 22-May-18 21:42:45

Gosh, she sounds a real bore. I think maybe it’s time to stop pandering to her and shut her down. Just say I’m the same size as you, so do you think I’m fat and disgusting? That should shut her up. That may seem harsh, but really no one wants to listen to someone constantly complaining about their weight.

sallievp Tue 22-May-18 21:54:57

This thread has been a good wake up call for me!..
I'm a healthy weight and much smaller than all my friends...but I do moan sometimes about how heavy I feel and how I need to slim down.
I definitely judge myself harshly but haven't thought about how this might make others feel.
I wont complain about my weight in front of people again. It must be annoying and boring!

tenpencemixup Tue 22-May-18 21:59:21

Different tatic, start agreeing with her when she complains. Say yes, you do need to shape up. Then say something about how fabulous you feel and watch her face drop!

NotARegularPenguin Wed 23-May-18 06:50:38

That’s a great idea. She maybe says it as she likes hearing you say “of course you’re not fat”, etc. If you agree with her she may soon stop it!

LifeBeginsAtGin Wed 23-May-18 07:18:16

Theres nothing more boring than going on about trying to lose weight.

You are pretty much the same person before and after. It's far better to eat a healthy diet and take regular exercise and enjoy eating.

Just eat a big chocolate cake in front of her.

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