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Do I tell my friend I think her DH is a cheating bastard?

(246 Posts)
WilburIsSomePig Sun 20-May-18 09:19:41

I want to rip his fucking head off.

I was working yesterday and on the way home I stopped at a shop in a village on my journey. As I came out of the shop I saw my friend's husband come out of a house across the road, turned and kissed the woman he was leaving on the doorstep before getting in his car. He didn't see me.

Friend texted me last night to ask if DH and I fancied going round for a few drinks as they fancied relaxing as her DH 'has been doing extra hours and needs a break'. We didn't go as I couldn't have sat there as if nothing happened.

What the fuck do I do now? They've been married 2 years and are going through IVF at the moment. I feel I have to tell her what I saw but I'm well aware it will break her heart and that's the last thing I want. DH says it's none of my business and I could have misread the situation - her DH had his tongue down another woman's throat and was pawing at her arse so I think not.

I've not slept a wink all night.

gamerchick Sun 20-May-18 09:22:23

I would corner him and tell him if he doesn't tell her then you will.

Daffodils8 Sun 20-May-18 09:22:50

That's an awful situation to be in for you. Personally, I would want to know and I think I would be really upset it I found out that a friend knew and hadn't told me.

It will be a really awful conversation though 😞.

What would you want your friend to do if the situation was flipped?

FoodGloriousFud Sun 20-May-18 09:22:55

I'd absolutely tell her but be prepared for her to be angry at you/not believe you as that's the way these things seem to go.

TooLazyForDrama Sun 20-May-18 09:23:46

I would go directly to him. Tell him what you saw and that if he doesn’t tell his wife then you will. She needs to know (especially as they’re going through IVF) but it would be better coming from him if possible. Give him a deadline though, like tomorrow morning so it’s not hanging over you.

Justwaitingforaline Sun 20-May-18 09:24:16

Is she a close friend? Do you know the husband well?

If it was me, I would want to know. If it comes out in 6 months time, I would be hurt that you’d known and hadn’t told me.

annandale Sun 20-May-18 09:26:06

I'm someone who wouldn't want to know.

grandplans Sun 20-May-18 09:27:01

Go to the friend not the husband. Yes she deserves to know.

CMH123 Sun 20-May-18 09:27:23

As someone who divorced due to Ex H cheating, the thing that I consistently found the hardest was how many people knew but didn't tell me. I very rarely trust anyone now. One person made a very difficult call to me and finally told me. That was 5 years ago. To this day I still have a lot of respect for that person.

PrettyLovely Sun 20-May-18 09:27:24

Imagine yourself in her position and how you would feel if she knew and didnt tell you, Its horrible but you need to tell her.

BrieAndChilli Sun 20-May-18 09:30:12

Don’t go to him first, men prime that will try and get out of it and will try to discredit you before OJ can get to her eg he might say to her that you had come on to him, he had turned you down and now you are going to say bad stuff about him in revenge.

Just go straight to her, then she has time to get her ducks in a row/get more evidence etc

sanasa Sun 20-May-18 09:30:38

Oh god. I don't think there's any right or wrong thing to do in this situation. If it was a real close friend and I knew our relationship was solid enough we'd expect each other to be upfront, id tell her. If it's a casual friend, I'm not so sure. As I'd be afraid of being accused of meddling.
Poor you OP awful situation to be in.

Nannyplumssillyoldelf Sun 20-May-18 09:30:56

I would want to know.

Melliegrantfirstlady Sun 20-May-18 09:33:59

Tell her what’s you saw. Don’t slam him. You need to protect the friendship.

She may we’ll try to stay with him.

Lavalamped Sun 20-May-18 09:34:24

So long as you're 100% sure that it is him then I definitely think that she deserves to know

seven201 Sun 20-May-18 09:35:44

Tell your friend.

LittleMe03 Sun 20-May-18 09:36:19

I wouldn't go to him, I would go to her, my friend! And tell her exactly what I saw. What she decided to do with that information would be her choice.

OakIsBetterTho Sun 20-May-18 09:36:36

You need to tell her. Don't give him any warning, he'll cover his tracks and she'll end up convinced by him and his lies and turning against you. To be honest, she may still turn against you but being her friend, you can't not let her know. Keep it purely to the facts and make it clear you're there for her regardless of what she decides to do.

hidinginthenightgarden Sun 20-May-18 09:37:29

Tell her before she gets pregnant with his child!

kissthealderman Sun 20-May-18 09:38:35

If you are absolutely 10000% positive it was him and it couldn't be mistaken identity then yes tell her.

Definitely wasn't a sister?

maskingtape Sun 20-May-18 09:38:45

Was it a proper kiss or a kiss on the cheek/head?

Dvg Sun 20-May-18 09:39:23

I would want to know

eloisesparkle Sun 20-May-18 09:39:39

I would want to know too.
A good friend's partner cheated.
Many people knew before she did.
I wish I had told her and got proof when I actually was in a position to do so.
She has said she wished people had told her. He lied and lied and lied.
It's a really hard call OP though, as everybody is different.

shushpenfold Sun 20-May-18 09:40:05

I would want to know.

Madeline18 Sun 20-May-18 09:40:27

When I was cheated on in a previous relationship, I also couldn't believe how people had known and didn't tell me straight away. I know a close friend had told him to tell me or she would, it really really hurt to find that text on his phone when I finally checked it to find out what the hell was going on... would much rather have heard it from her then had to go hunting and see the communication between him and ow

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