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I just need to tell someone...

(28 Posts)
TheGamesUpThere Tue 24-Apr-18 11:48:48

Sorry if this is awful, but I can't say anything in real life and am all confused.
Have been dealing with very strong (feels logical) suicidal thoughts. Appropriate people (services) know this.
Someone who was incredibly cruel to me has just died. I only know because people are posting lots of nice things about him all over facebook.
I feel like a horrible, horrible person for not liking him.
And, I hate this world, where being nice counts for nothing, and where men are wanted and loved in a way women aren't.

TheGamesUpThere Tue 24-Apr-18 11:49:17

blush Sorry. Just needed to 'say' it.

Sirzy Tue 24-Apr-18 11:52:09

Just because someone had died doesn’t make them a nice person.

It would only be “wrong” if you started sharing your views with those who are grieving which it is obvious you don’t plan on.

Take care and look after yourself

TuTru Tue 24-Apr-18 11:52:56

Hi, I understand how you’re feeling. I struggle sometimes with very strong suicidal thoughts, I’m ok atm. I remind myself that the suicidal feeling is a SYMPTOM of mental illness and it is not real. If you are depressed or anxious or anything like that, you can deal with it, it takes effort at times but mostly it takes longer to get better than people realise.
Keep up being the good person you are, and keep fighting the feelings xx

BitchQueen90 Tue 24-Apr-18 11:53:33

You don't need to feel bad for disliking someone who was cruel to you, dead or alive.

Be kind to yourself. flowers

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 24-Apr-18 13:09:50

Thats what happens when someone dies. They become a hero. No one has a bad word to say about them.
There are people I couldn't stand while they were living. I'm certainly not going to start liking them now they're dead.
You don't owe him any good words living or dead.
Please do not feel bad. You have nothing to feel bad about. He was cruel in life.
He won't behave any better in death

Sugarpiehoneyeye Tue 24-Apr-18 13:20:01

I'm pretty sure you haven't been dancing around the room, or waving a flag OP. When certain people pass, the world becomes a slightly better place, he can no longer hurt you. Rest easy, your feelings are perfectly normal.
Sending you love and strength. 🌺

TheGamesUpThere Tue 24-Apr-18 13:20:53

Thank you blush

thefirstmrsdewinter Tue 24-Apr-18 13:23:48

You owe absolutely nothing - no niceness, no love, no grieving after death - to someone who was cruel to you. I wonder if this is just another iteration of your own self-destructive feelings about yourself. Please look after yourself.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 24-Apr-18 13:25:05

I'm pretty sure you haven't been dancing around the room waving a flag, op
To be honest if she/he had have been in wouldn't blame him/her

Beaverhausen Tue 24-Apr-18 13:32:28

Been there and you have nothing to feel bad about.

PositivelyPERF Tue 24-Apr-18 13:40:54

Don’t feel bad that nasty fucker has died. I smiled when my father died. One less nasty bastard in the world, means less good people get hurt. I hope you feel better in time.

I’ve had sucidal thoughts on and off for decades and was hospitalised when younger. After I came through the first breakdown, which was horrific, I learned how better to deal wit those feelings. I just keep telling myself that I made it through the first time and I will just hang on in there and see if it ‘gets better’. It usually improves. I know I will never be 100% happy, but eventually I get more happy moments than sad.

Please hang on in there. I know it’s incredibly difficult, but if you give up now, you will lose ANY chance of finding happiness. 🌹

Topseyt Tue 24-Apr-18 13:42:46

You don't have to suddenly like him just because he is now dead.

He was what he was, and that doesn't change. Ignore social media like Facebook. Be kind to yourself. You matter.

RoundaboutSnail Tue 24-Apr-18 13:52:57

Do the people posting nice things on FB know about his behaviour?

Your feelings of dislike are totally valid. You do not have to explain or justify them to anyone. You do not deserve to be judged, or have anyone criticise how you feel, about this person who treated you badly.

MrsHathaway Tue 24-Apr-18 13:53:01

It's completely normal to dislike someone who is incredibly cruel to you. Healthy, normal, proportionate, etc.

People who are praising him (1) may not mean it and (2) don't have your knowledge of him. It is not your responsibility to change their minds or police their posts.

I hope his death can be a private positive for you. You shouldn't feel guilty if it is.

rainbowruthie Tue 24-Apr-18 13:55:57

Sending you kind thoughts and the strength to get through this difficult time flowers

pigmcpigface Tue 24-Apr-18 13:59:20

Listen to me. You are NOT a horrible person for hating the dead guy. You wouldn't be a horrible person if you were glad he was dead. Your relationship to him is not the same as other people's relationship to him. They can praise him and be sad he is gone, it doesn't mean you have to feel the same way.

YowserLena Tue 24-Apr-18 14:19:17

I knew a real arsehole years ago. A friend of mine was in a relationship with him and he was disgusting to her. When he died loads of people ere going on about how amazing and what a good guy he was. They barely knew him. The guy was a grade A cunt. We vented to each other.

I hate this 'you can't speak ill of the dead' bollocks. Being dead doesn't make them a good person or change what they did or who they were.

When my abuser dies I'll be doing a happy dance, the world will be a better and safer place without him.

ShellyBoobs Tue 24-Apr-18 14:27:48

I hate this 'you can't speak ill of the dead' bollocks. Being dead doesn't make them a good person or change what they did or who they were.

This!!^^

It's a phrase trotted out by fuckwits who have heard it said and then repeat it because they're too hard of thinking to realise what they're saying.

If someone was a bastard when alive, they remain a bastard when they die.

Hope you feel better soon, OP. flowers

therealposieparker Tue 24-Apr-18 14:39:41

Dead people, like old people, don't magically become likeable.

And good for you for getting help for the rest.xxx

AdoraBell Tue 24-Apr-18 14:43:44

You are not a horrible person. You simply don’t like a person who treated you badly. That is completely reasonable.

QueenofWhisperz Tue 24-Apr-18 14:44:38

@thegamesupthere

be kind to yourself; remember these kind things that people are writing about this dude--they're just reflections of teeny tiny fragments of someone he pretended to be; or imaginations of what people hoped he was.

You know his truth; and it's awful. You survived his shit, you are strong and capable and worthy of happiness.

IsaidMrDarcynotArsey Tue 24-Apr-18 14:47:41

Feel free to stay true to your experience of that person. You know what you know. Their dying doesn't get to top trump your living. You keep on keeping on - I know it can be difficult - sometimes we don't appreciate who we are a positive influence on/for. flowers

Cath2907 Tue 24-Apr-18 14:57:49

My gran died a few years back. She was a horrible woman when she was alive and to be honest I was not at all upset at her passing. I went to the funeral, made the right noises and went on with my life. I still think she was a horrible woman and am not apologetic about thinking so.
You didn't like the person who died - you are entitled to not like them. Being dead doesn't magically make people nicer! If he was a dick when he was alive you don't have to try and make yourself believe otherwise now he is dead. Just ignore those saying how wonderful he was - death makes people oddly gushy. You'd be amazed all the people who suddenly thought my gran was the bees knees. People who'd cut her out of their lives for her awful behavior prior to this were suddenly there at the wake with great tales of how lovely she was. I think it was kind and restrained of me not to point out their bullshit!

TomHardysLittleWeener Tue 24-Apr-18 14:58:15

You cant polish a turd - but you can roll it in glitter.

And bury it!

Its just bullshit on facebook - ignore, rise above it, you know how he was a twat in REAL LIFE.

Be kind to yourself. YOU are worth living for.

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